Monday, December 3, 2012

When You Walk Away

"Say, for instance—how many relationships have you been in?" 

"Um . . . none. Er, how many relationships have you had?" 

"Oh, a few, like, six months long." 

We both stared at each other in horror, albeit for opposite reasons. 

I was troubled by the fact that he had more than one near-engagement, while he apparently felt the need to ask "What is wrong with you?" 

The date kinda went downhill after that. 
I've always been thankful that I never had an almost-marriage; I don't think I could handle that very well. I'm very much for clean, obvious lines; this is going somewhere, this is not going somewhere.
How does one walk away from such a long relationship, and still function? After a week-long one my brain is addled.


Mighty Garnel Ironheart said...

I came close once. I was dating a girl who was the 2nd last girl in her Bais Yaakov class to get married and she was already 22 (!!) so the pressure was on. After we'd been dating for 2 months she told me her mother started looking for halls!
I myself was ready and I always hate being rushed into a decision so I broke it off. Felt sad but relieved. A few weeks later I found out that within 48 hours of our breakup and her subsequent crying fit on the phone begging me to reconsider she'd called a shadchan and was now engaged.
What a relief for me!

ZP said...

I think it takes a lot of strength to walk away from something that is not good, it is easier to stay. I don't know what's better, to have had or not, I think every person has the experiences they need to become the best spouse/person....I hear that some feel that ugh you gave something away, they know so much about you etc. but I believe in the idea of tikkun and gilgul and that every experience is for a reason. There are plus and cons for each side. Ultimately, it is what u make of it and hopefully it will help build better Ur ultimate relationship. I have definitely learned a lot.

Princess Lea said...

MGI: Then I must say her mother showed considerable restraint waiting two months. I think my family members start planning after merely two weeks. :)

Wait a sec, she was engaged 48 hours later?

ZP: True.

Maya Resnikoff said...

I had a few long-term relationships, before meeting my husband (actually, much longer than he and I dated before getting engaged). It's a different set of social norms, in my community, from yours. And it's hard, but those relationships, without the assurance of an engagement, say, never have the sense of permanence that you get with the beginnings of a real commitment. In retrospect, I can see that if no one is ready to commit after a certain amount of time, it probably isn't right. But I learned a lot from those relationships, some of which has enriched my sense of self, and some of which has made my marriage a better marriage. I think it really is "different strokes for different folks".

Princess Lea said...

I do concur.

But in this fellow's case, it became obvious he was simply not ready to commit to one female for the rest of his life, so he was dating without any expectations of any sort of marriage in mind. He should rather have taken a dating hiatus then string along a number of girls.

I have a sneaking suspicion when does marry, it will be after a very quick courtship.