It has happened (often accidentally) that I have gone out with guys who don't exactly share my outlook. Every time it was quite clear that my mindset is in no way compatible, but for the sake of being "open" or something, I don't always dismiss those suggestions out of hand.
A woman emailed me for my info, and after a few missives back and forth said that for the (learning) fellow she had in mind, it is a big thing that the gal should be a regular stockings-wearer.
Although I found such a statement up-front to be a tad bizarre (is a single guy making a point of checking out female legs and successfully differentiating between a flesh-colored stocking or bare skin? How tzniusdik), I responded that do not wear stockings during the week.
She emailed me back (repeatedly), in the wheedling language of "Is committing to stockings so terrible?"
What she did not seem to understand that it isn't, per se, about the stockings themselves. It's what his fascination with them indicates. Sure, I may painfully wriggle into those miserable suckers on a daily basis in blazing summer, but that's not going to be the only issue between us.
I'm being requested to make a life change just to go on a first date.
Her emails kept coming, varying from gentle coaxing to outright fury, demanding to know "What is the big deal anyway?"
I'm not signing up to be anyone's Eliza Doolittle, despite the fabulous wardrobe.
I prefer to stick with Shaw's original ending of Pygmalion (where she marries the kind and loves-her-as-she-is Freddy) as opposed to the My Fair Lady conclusion (when Eliza returns to a belittled life with Henry Higgins).
Her emails kept coming, varying from gentle coaxing to outright fury, demanding to know "What is the big deal anyway?"
I'm not signing up to be anyone's Eliza Doolittle, despite the fabulous wardrobe.
Sure, today it's stockings . . . then tomorrow my accent will need altering.
14 comments:
Haha. I dated a girl who apparently only wore stockings, something which I'm totally not into. When I what the hecked the shadchan, she apparently told the girl NOT to wear stockings on the next date. It kinda put me off that she would drop her standards just like that. We went nowhere.
I don't care if a girl wears stocking or not (I doubt I'd notice one way or the other), but I think it is admirable is someone takes it upon themselves. My mother used to not west stockings, but took it upon herself (along with numerous other things, like saying tehillim everyday and lighting Shabbos candles early) when she experienced fertility issues. (That's actually what inspired me to take upon myself to say tehillim everyday, to get a shidduch.)
I think it's entertaining that the comments left on a post about stockings..which no man can never really understand the suffering that is stockings... Are by dudes..
That being said..like any level of tzniut it is a private thing that each woman has to decide for herself..where she holds ..yes there are halachot..but we all do what we can..no shadchan has the right yo ask that of you
Hey Am, guys suffer wearing pur religious garb as well. At all times (even during the summer) we have three layers. An undershirt,tzitzis and shirt. Chabad people wear woolen tzitizis, compounding the pain. On a shabbos in the summer, we'll be wearing a jacket as well, and as chabad doesn't use eruvim we can't exactly carry it. Talk about suffering..
Nobody seems to discuss that stockings for women is a community minhag, NOT a halacha (mishna berura 75:2).
My wife was once told "you know, you can't make a bracha with your legs uncovered like that... who's your rabbi?" When giving the name of our posek, the retort was "You should ask again." When I spoke to another of our poskim about this, he was like "this is not a shailah, don't worry about it."
I've always despised the ending to the movie version My Fair Lady. DESPISED. The book was SO much better, on every level.
I once had a guy insist that I go back inside and change out of my low heels into flats, because we were the same height, and he didn't want to be seen with a woman who "made him look short". Yeah, that date didn't last long.
Am, that may be true, nor can we know how hard it is for a woman to wear a wig, but that doesn't mean we won't insist on it, just like you'd insist on a guy learning every day, or davening with a minyan despite the fact that he went to sleep at 12:30 and slichos is at 4:30, and he has to make it to work at 9 with a two hour commute. Yeah, we all have things we insist on that the other person do when they don't apply to us. We all have opinions on the kind of house we want to raise our children in, including the level of frumness or whatever in our spouse.
Gavi, I don't think anyone I know is under the impression that its halacha. Its like wearing two pairs of tfillin. Nice, but not necessary.
you'd be surprised
Wow, stockings is certainly a conversation starter!
Yocheved: Isn't the play perfection? I used to adore "My Fair Lady" as a child until I realized that Higgins the bully makes no woman's heart go pitter-patter.
Been there about being "too tall" . . .
The first time a shaddchan brought up stocking as something that I may care about, I had no idea what she was saying. My response was along the lines, is it better to wear stockings or better not to? I'm not sure which is considered the more "frum" option??? I called my sister afterwards and asked her if she wears stockings. She said she doesn't because she never gave in to the NY ways. She told me it's just a NY thing. I then called another sister and she said she does in the winter but not summer and not when she's pregnant. Okay...
I wear tights in winter because it is freezing, so it is definitely a seasonal thing for me, not a definition.
Lucky that you have sisters to explain these sort of things to you . . . :)
I'm not orthodox, so maybe I have no right to comment on this as most of the replies went right over my head.
However, I could understand about demanding that a potential bride be a non-smoker or something along those lines.
Must wear stockings? Wow!
Women don't smoke in the observant world (I'm still not sure how that happened), but if a guy does (which is pretty prevalent) a woman can make that into a no-no.
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