A trailer popped up in my feed for the new film, Oh Hi, and against my better judgement, I let it play through. (It is very UA, so I do not recommend looking it up if you're squeamish.)
When Molly meets Isaac, everything seems to click into place. They are on the same page about so many things! The two have a whirlwind romance, and are off on a weekend getaway to a cabin.
At some point, Molly sighs and gazing into Isaac's eyes, mentions something about them being a couple—to Isaac's surprise.
Isaac quickly disabuses her of the notion. No, no, no, they're not a couple! Ha ha! No, they're just having fun! No strings fun!
Molly then goes off the rails. She then proceeds to, in essence, kidnap Isaac in an attempt to convince him that he wants to be her boyfriend.
OK, I have to admit that in the past, when a guy said "no," and I thought I liked him, I was sort of tempted to do the same.
I have heard people complain, many times, that if they weren't frum they'd be married. I don't know what they are basing this on. If anyone reads anything about modern relationships, it's as much of a bleak hellscape as it is for single frummies.
There is this phenomenon, for instance, of men as not being as "in" the relationship as his girlfriend is, but he doesn't want the drama of a breakup. So matters drift along, where she expects an imminent engagement and he's desperately hoping she'll leave him on her own volition.
I know this isn't much comfort, but: it sucks everywhere.
Frankly, I'm not sure if there ever was a golden age of relationships. None of us would be keen on the whole arranged marriage setup (I'm assuming). Chassidish b'shows are a rather acquired taste (cool for them, not for many). It's not like marriage guarantees a happy relationship. Because the stigma has been lessened, people actually feel free to divorce—which should be technically a good thing?—and now frum divorce is on the rise.
There are all sorts of suggestions to completely overhaul "the system" in completely unenforceable ways. Yet the system isn't really a system, it's a vague set of guidelines that's barely being abided to. Even if the guidelines were being strictly followed, that wouldn't guarantee someone marriage, or a happy one at that.
Yes, it seems to be grossly unfair how a 20-year-old pipsqueak trips into an engagement with seeming little effort. But as I get older, and presumably a wee bit wiser, I've learned that everyone struggles in some way at some point in their lives.
In the end, none of us know what others are going through. It's often not public knowledge. So while it may seem as though those young chippies are skipping off into a blissful future, who knows what they have dealt with or will deal with in their lives? A wedding is a beginning, not an ending. Life can be one crazy ride.
1 comment:
Agreed about not knowing what anyone else is going through or will go through.
It is awful out there for non-frum daters. I started a Substack a while back for quasi-political commentary; not really party political, but socio-political, about antisemitism and other (mostly bad) things happening in the West today. I read a bunch of other Substacks written by people who were super-progressive (more than I ever was) and are now socio-politically conservative because of things they've seen. They talk a lot about modern dating and -- it's just awful. Really awful.
The frustrating thing is that some of these writers, particularly those who are professional public intellectuals, are basically trying to invent shidduch dating and the frum-type close community from scratch. I comment and say, "Actually, there are people who do this already! We're called Jews! You can learn from our mistakes!" But they aren't interested. I don't think it's antisemitism, more, "I'm a professional writer and public intellectual; I don't use ideas from commenters."
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