No Questions, Please

A friend of mine, a listed reference, was called by the mother of a boy. 

"Does she have a television?"

My friend, hesitant, decided not to whitewash anything and replied that I did. 

"Oh, good. She's normal."

My point here is not regarding normalcy (those without televisions, of course, can qualify as "normal"). My issue here is the concept of "references."

My family has long been with the "shidduch system." My siblings, my parents, my grandparents all met for the most part via a third party, be it family or friend or acquaintance. But this concept of resume/profile/rap sheet is a new being, along with "references." 

When my sister was dating twenty years ago, there were no references. If my mother happened to know someone in the same neighborhood, then she would call them to casually ask for some filler info. Often my sister went out no matter what was said. 

To be a reference is a lot of pressure. For instance, if my friend has decided to lie or stretch the truth, thinking that was what this woman wanted to hear, that wouldn't have been good (although, I'm not sure if I ever ended up going out with that guy). In the end, references don't know what information the other side wants to hear, and may say the wrong thing despite a true desire to say otherwise. 

I, personally, do not bother with references. I've gone out with guys who were supposedly "nice" and "wonderful" and "I wanted him for a brother-in-law," and they were actually affirmations that chivalry is not only dead, it suffered miserably on the way out. 

Then, I have gone out with guys that didn't get ringing endorsements and I found them perfectly pleasant. 

Maybe I don't know how or what to ask. But if the guy lives close enough and meeting up isn't complicated, it's just easier for me to put on some makeup and find out what he's like by myself.