Weighty Issues

In the April issue of Vogue, there is an article by Dara-Lynn Weiss detailing her attempts to place her overweight 7-year-old daughter on a diet.

The health implications for overweight children are well documented. They are at greater risk of developing high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes. They are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, negative body image, and depression. And they may be signing on to a lifetime of obesity: One study found that 80 percent of overweight adolescents are still obese at 25. If a child becomes overweight before age eight, his or her obesity in adulthood will be even more severe.

Those numbers are enough to scare the socks off me. Yet today's culture dithers over doing something about it. 

The single most uncomfortable topic to discuss with their kids is . . . weight. In a culture rife with eating disorders and ominous warnings of how tenuous kids' self-esteem is, especially among girls, telling a second grader that she has to lose weight us not only uncomfortable, it's almost unimaginable.

Bea did what I did as a kid: she ate primarily good foods, but too much of it. Her mother was told by the pediatrician that her daughter qualified as obese, and that action was necessary.

Weiss' tale mentions diet soda and non-fat whip, which was the only part that made me shiver; a balanced food plan does not mean calorie-free. It should be about eating right. The freakish ingredients in those sort of "diet" foods can make the situation worse.

Many say that the fastest way to shove a kid to an eating disorder is to make her aware of her weight and get her to eat with more discipline. But I wondered—is that really so? 

When I was six, I was the image of a slender child. When I was ten, not so much; I had a spare chin. Ma doesn't do diets, but she was definitely proactive. For example, if I came home and asked for a cookie, her response would be, "Have an apple." 

Of course I didn't want the apple. I wanted the cookie. But since I didn't want the apple, that proved I was not really hungry. I waited for supper instead. 

My brother would protest that what she was doing was child abuse. Was it? A parent is supposed to teach a child self-discipline. If a child is made to go to bed on time, does she develop insomnia? If a child is instructed to spend her money wisely, does she become a gambler? All children cautioned to avoid drugs end up snorting crack? 

What about a peanut allergy? Do parents feel guilty limiting a child's diet if their life depends on it? I find that unlikely. 

Why is it when it comes to weight, which can have definite negative health ramifications, political correctness precludes action? The comedienne/actress Mo'Nique used to insist that "Big is Beautiful," that there is nothing wrong with being overweight. One day her husband told her that she is too heavy; he wants her for a lifetime. Some have accused her of hypocrisy, but her focus now is to get healthy, and she has.

Of course, there was internet brouhaha over Weiss' article. I am not sure why. 

If it was such a simple thing that child + weight awareness = eating disorder, that would be me. So it's not that. Ma was teaching me discipline, the same way she emphasized planning ahead, getting enough sleep, sticking with pencil skirts since nothing else flatters me. 

Before Bea was put on the eating plan, she would constantly complain of being hungry; then after the diet, she continued to say she was hungry. I wonder if this kid actually knew what hunger was. Many of us mistranslates it as "bored."  

Weiss and Bea, post-diet

As Jews, we know about discipline. Food will always be an issue for me, the same way I have to constantly battle with loshon hara, kibud av v'eim, and other commandments. As I flex that self-control muscle, whether it be for food or for religion, it makes discipline in other areas easier.

A client came up to the office, a man in his 60s. He recently lost 40 pounds, and he was overjoyed. He couldn't do anything before, he said; if he went out, he could only pant in the shade. He was pre-diabetic, and his sister lived her life on injections; he wanted to avoid that fate for himself. 

He worked hard, he lost the weight, and he has no worries about needles in his immediate future. He is living life. 

Dominique Browning wrote in April's Bazaar on getting older. 

As opposed to living, being alive takes discipline.

To truly "live," one sometimes has to hold back. 

The struggle is obviously not over. I don't think it will ever be, for either of us. Bea understands that, just as some kids have asthma, her weight is something she may always have to think about, unfair as it seems. She will probably always want to eat more than she is supposed to. She will be tempted to make bad choices. But now she has the foundation to make those choices in an educated and conscious way. Only time will tell whether my early intervention saved her from a life of preoccupation with her weight, or drive her to it. 

Many of us have our own demons; mine is caloric in nature. I want to be healthy. I want to wear all of my pretty clothes comfortably. When I am in control, I am content. I have always had to watch myself, and I will always have to watch myself. And that is fine with me.