"He wouldn't tell me his age," she said, "but I know he is well into his thirties."
I translate that as pushing 40.
I translate that as pushing 40.
She continues. "He goes out with 21- and 22-year-old girls. He says he is very open."
Pardon?
Pardon?
He is very open?
Let's rephrase that, shall we?
oh the pain!- imagine if a girl said "I'm very open! I'll date wealthy guys AND ones that look like supermodels" how kind!
ReplyDeletelol that sounds a bit TOO much of a difference (because they are just in completely different levels in life). But I do understand why older guys like younger girls/women, they are easier to "mold". Marriage is about adjusting.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, so the truth is that I DO think age is just a number. A guy who is 30 might have the same maturity level as a 20 year old, and a 20 year old might be at a different place (depending on circumstances) than a 23 year old.
The advice I give others (and myself) when dating someone whose age makes you "uncomfortable" is to figure out WHY you are apprehensive. So if the guy is 30 and you are 22 and the concern is that he is not settled/has stability, so you go into the date(s) (and/or when you look into him) with that question in mind. Try to figure out if the things that concern about the age are applicable in this case. The same can be said when dating someone younger, if you are concerned about their level of responsibility, commitment,etc, so you look into that. I have found that age truly is a number.
Brownies: It's amazing how some things are permissible from male mouths but women are shallow or gold-diggers. Feh.
ReplyDeleteZP: I have seen relationships between below 20 girl and 30 year old men. And you know what? The girl isn't a pushover. The men I know who say they want young is rarely because they want to mold. They just want young. And they are delusional if they think just because a female is not yet of drinking age means she has no brains or convictions.
And to add to your point, if a guy is 30 and says he wants 18 = immature. Meaning he probably will be an equal (or an inferior) to the youngster he ends up with, and she will be the one doing the molding.
If a guy won't a shadchan his age because he wants to go out with 20 year olds, well, dude, you certainly ain't for me. You have some growing up to do.
I've actually gone out with a number of girls who were older than me (by a year or two), yet somehow, THAT is looked at as being less accepted than an older guy dating girls significantly younger.
ReplyDeleteWhat about girls who date younger guys?
ReplyDeleteSounds like he needs to go here:
ReplyDeletehttp://sugardaddie.com/
@PL: I don't believe in lying, I don't think that is a good foundation for trust (which is essential in marriage/relationships). But I have seen the benefits of not knowing someone's age beforehand (meaning you meet "naturally") because you might give them a chance, when you otherwise wouldn't have.
ReplyDelete@FrumGeek: Right, it is less accepted. I think it's mostly because its assumed that guys take longer to mature, but like everything else in life, there are exceptions to every rule. Age is subjective, in that there are many experiences and circumstances that can affect someone's level of maturity or readiness to get married, etc. However, I've truly learned to never say never, meaning age IS just a number... (but like I mentioned above, it is legitimate to be concerned about certain age differences and when so, one should ask oneself what is causing the concern etc)
@The Professor: What about guys who date older women?
FG: For reals? You mean you got comments?
ReplyDeleteProf: You mean like 40 year old women dating 20 year old men? Ew.
MGI: Hey, I never said this guy was wealthy. If he was, well . . . (I kid).
ZP: The same way he should give more age-appropriate girls a chance? Ten years his junior isn't enough?
No...I just meant that I, personally, have seen the benefits of not knowing someone's age beforehand and then not discarding them solely because of the age. That was the point I was making.
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to the creepy factor formula: "y = x / 2 + 7?" So where x=40, his dates should be 27 and older. Anything less is just (mathematically) creepy.
ReplyDeleteWhat a kind man...he's open! Is he as open to an older woman? Is he open to an overweight woman? Is he open to a woman smarter than him? What kills me is his thinking he's doing the women a big favor by going for the 20 year olds.
ReplyDeleteCreepy, creepy, creepy. I ran into some guys like that, when I was single- luckily, I had some friends who gave me the heads up about the real situation. (Even earlier, I had a couple interactions with guys much older than me- but mentchlich enough to cool it really fast when they found out how old I was...) When that's what they're looking for- oh wow, ugh.
ReplyDeleteZP: Ten years my senior would be pushing it. My brother happens to know this guy and when I mentioned him he made frantic "stay away" movements.
ReplyDeleteSiBaw: There's a math formula? Awesome! The only type of math I can do is algebra, so that works.
Tovah: The disturbing thing? The shadchan was saying it like that. "Oh, he's so lovely because of his openness." Lady, why are you buying into it?
Maya: My problem is also that old men like me. I attract, primarily, dirty old men. It's beyond gross.
Are they any worse than dirty young men?
ReplyDeleteOk, probably...
FG: Dirty young men leave me alone, so that's not a concern. :D
ReplyDeleteSome of the young women (20s) I've met are very mature and I would not want to mold them.
ReplyDeleteWW: Who wants to work that hard molding anyone? It's exhausting!
ReplyDelete