Stay Sober, My Friends

This is not happening.

Nope, it is. 

Me, along with a squirming panel of fellow eligible females, watched in bafflement and disgust as half of the men on the other side of the table labored at drinking themselves under it.

I didn't even want to be there, but when a neighbor calls up to invite you to one of those Shabbos lunch singles things you can't say no, or else be referred to as "that picky girl." Then, of course, that unarguable reasoning, the bane of my existence: "You never know." 

Well, I certainly didn't expect this. 

I thought this was a solitary incident, to be swiftly brushed under the rug; an error on the hosts' part that they actually offered Johnny Walker along with the chulent. But more and more bachelors aren't even bothering to shield their indiscreet alcohol habits from a less-than-impressed public. 

A "shadchan" mentioned to me that at her last singles' event, she was asked by more than one guy why they don't serve booze. 

Dude, guess.  

Another single female, entrapped in a similar Shabbos singles' event (to which I was thankfully not invited) stormed home and proclaimed, "They were all drunk!" 

I know those "The World's Most Interesting Man" ads are rather beguiling, my bachelors, but you chaps do realize that that's not how most women perceive bloodshot eyes and shaky hands, right? 

We associate it more with . . . 

 

Um, yeah.