"Thank you for thinking of me, but it's not shayach."
"But he said he had a good time!" the shadchan responds in shock.
Of course he did. I was adorable. I was pleasant. I was charming. Even though I was exhausted, because he had been holding me hostage in the dead of night. I thought if I was nice to my kidnapper I would see my parents again.
Why is "he had a good time" considered an argument for me to subject myself to another evening of torture?
" . . . so then, would you believe it, he gets lost, and then blames me!" I conclude relating to my relative the nightmarish date. We both laugh.
"Then the shadchan tells me he wants to go out again—" Her eyes widen in surprise.
"But that means he must have had a good time!"
My mouth hangs open as I try to grasp her logic. I've just told her about one of the worst outings I've ever had, but she's focusing on the wrong person here.
I manage to regain my voice, mumbling defensively, "Yeah, but my next day was shot, I got home so late and . . ."
"But he had a good time," she emphasizes again.
Hello? Earth to Back-Stabber? What about ME?
So if a guy doesn't have a good time when he goes out with me, and I do, that means I behaved heinously and must be cray-cray; but if he had a good time, and I didn't—well, that's it. All that matters is if he had a good time.
I'm no feminist, but hoo-ee, sexism is still alive and kicking. From other women, yet.
Yup- that's disgusting. You both need to have "felt it" or had a good time- that's what makes a marriage, eventually.
ReplyDeleteSexism? In the shidduch system? *gasp* NO WAY.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, that's both irritating and demeaning. Unless the guy wants to marry a doormat, your feelings and experiences should matter. Good for you for sticking to your convictions!
Now I will reveal and share a little prayer that I recite on weekdays, in the middle of the paragraph that begins with the words
ReplyDeleteElokai Netzor Leshini MeRa:
Av HaRachamim, Yehi Ratzone Milphanacha LaAzor Li Col Yemei Chayaii, LeDone Col Yehudim Rak LeCaf Zechut, Ad Meod CeHalachah CeRetzonecha, VeLo LeCaf Chov[ah], Chas VeShalom, Col Yemei Chayaii.
Do you understand what that means and why I say it?
Do you understand why you must also say it?
Maya: Amen!
ReplyDeleteSarah: It's more like the shadchan seeing me as a doormat! I think they are all terrified of the guys, and feel free to bully the girls.