Mechilah

"Forgiveness" is probably one of the most frightening words out there. 

But God forgives those that forgive. So I have been trying to let go. 

And golly, do I feel good. I'm surprised to what extent anger and resentment weigh in one's chest, tightening breath, dulling the senses, spreading wrinkles.

I became so hooked on that floaty sensation that when I was verbally shoved, I immediately, frantically, called up the methods to let it go. 

I find that it really helps to mentally chant: "It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me." Often, the transgressor is so mired in insecurity she cannot even see her own actions or herself. Sometimes the offender is having a really, really bad day/month/year, and unequipped with the mental tools to keep his behavior in check, merely lashing out wherever he thinks is "safe."

Previously, I would have thought it a weakness to let it slide, that "I'm letting them get away with it." I'm not saying that one should be a willing target. If possible, fade away from a negative presence, and the other side will get the hint and pull herself together. If not possible, wait until one's reactions will be fueled from a place of calm and collectedness, not roiling anger and humiliation, before responding. 

It takes two to make machlokes. If I say, "I'm not playing," it's a win-win.

This is very much applicable in personal relationships. Susan Cain's "5 Practices for Cultivating More Loving Relationships" was humbling as I now see a glimmer of a truer definition of love, real ahava. 

It's not about who's right. It's about doing what's right. To quote the Rabbi of Lublin: "It is far better to have an imperfect peace than a perfect controversy."