Pattern Panic

I was frantically browsing online for some sweater options, which I found quite happily in solid shades. As I clicked back and forth, I came across the same ideal cardigan in a busy and colorful animal print. I paused, peering, debating whether I should purchase this item, which was on sale to boot. 

As we like to complain, models are usually ridiculously skinny, merely a breathing hanger. Oddly enough, however, the woman posing in the sweater did not seem so svelte.

Babi hated patterns. Always did. With a vehement, fierce passion. Permit me to clarify that Babi was not staid in her fashion tastes; whenever I visited, I carefully donned the newest, funkiest, brightest item in my wardrobe. Leather jacket? Denim skirt? Furry moccasins? All were graciously welcomed under Babi's roof. 

Ergo, if she loathed a busy design on a garment, she must have had her Hungarian reasons. Most patterns (perhaps excepting the pinstripe) makes various parts of the anatomy expand visually. Even solid white is a better choice. 

If, for instance, someone is er, pear-shaped, while an a-line or full skirt is a great choice, it isn't in a boisterous floral pattern across the derriere. 

Unless it's gingham. Gingham can do no wrong.

If one is top-heavy, cheerful graphic prints are a no-no. 

Additionally, unless chosen with careful classical consideration, many patterns look dated very quickly.  

I repeat, gingham can do no wrong.

For responsible pattern selection: 

1) Know thy shape, be it apple, pear, or whatever fruit comes to mind. Wherever weight goes, that area must be swathed in solids.  Wherever one is bulk-free can have a touch—a touch—of busyness.

2) Vertical stripes is usually a safe pattern, since it elongates and narrows visually. 

3) Classic patterns like houndstooth and pepita are pretty safe as well.

Maybe this a bit too much houndstooth.