Girl Power

Guys compete, sure. But they are obvious about it. Girls are more underhanded. 

Those snide little comments. We do it so well. 

Emily Gordon ("Why Women Compete With Each Other") explores female rivalry. 

Women compete, compare, undermine and undercut one another — at least that is the prevailing notion of how we interact. It’s considered exceptional, or at least noteworthy, that famous women like Amy Schumer and Beyoncé and Taylor Swift acknowledge that other women are talented, and frequently work with those other women without, in most cases, being catty about it. This makes them feminist heroes. Feeling on guard around other ladies is normal for a lot of women, and it’s exhausting. I exhausted myself for years trying to understand how other girls could have gone from my closest allies to my scariest foes.

According to studies (not like they need studies to prove it) women don't go for the literal jugular. They use their words to deflate others while they promote themselves. Depressingly, the usual explanation is that one-half of the population tear their own kind down because they are fighting for the attentions of the other half. 

It would follow that the "numbers" theory of the "shidduch crisis" would increase sinas chinam, then. Great going.

Instead of openly hating women, I used hate’s sneaky little sister and told myself that I pitied women who worked hard to be conventionally attractive, who had jobs that utilized their feminine wiles, who were “too girlie.” “Poor her,” I’d cluck at parties, “wanting attention so badly. I wonder who hurt her. Let’s discuss this art rock band I saw last week.” Self-promotion: check. Degradation of rivals: check.

In my 20s, there were two girls in my social group in New York — brash, gorgeous creatures — that owned every single room they entered. I hated them on sight, even as I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I thought they were magical, but with a dark magic that could steal my husband. Once I found myself in a bar bathroom alone with them and, feeling cornered by their spectacular perfection, mumbled something. One responded by complimenting my coat; the other started talking about the guy she was there with and how he was acting funny. I saw them for who they were: magnanimous, charming creatures, but also kind and obsessive and weird. My negative view of them had nothing to do with them at all. It was just a warped mirror.

It ain't survival of the fittest anymore. There aren't limited resources nowadays. We'll make it through the winter. So why don't we unite instead of vie?

The next time one is on the receiving end of the feline tongue, remember: She's just so un-evolved.