How to Stay Sane While Dating, II

Why do you want to marry?

When I went on my first date at 19, I didn't necessarily want to get married. I was 19. Someone called. I went out. It's the next stage in life, like graduation or a driver's license or a checking account. It was exciting and new, but did I want it? Nah.

Over eleven years, I slowly developed a motivation for marriage. In that time, I changed as a person and as a Jew; my perspective of spouse-hunting altered significantly. I saw other happy couples and my heart would clench in my chest, envying their bond. It was no longer a box to be ticked off; it was a hunger for a satisfying, fulfilling relationship.   

Knowing your motivation: If one is single, and miserable—why? Are you hankering for the parties and celebrations? Is it because your friends are married, and you feel left out? Or are you yearning for a deep connection with a significant other? 

Maybe, once you know your motivation, you can treat the symptoms accordingly. Missing out on parties? Throw yourself a birthday bash, or don't bother waiting for your birthday to have a ball. Feeling left out? There are other singles out there who would love to hang out with you, especially when their BFF vanishes after wedlock. 

If your mindset is more spiritually soul-like, that can be addressed with the first post regarding emunah/bitachon; Hashem has your other half ready and waiting. But it may take some time.