"Krazy" Kallahs

It is a complaint of feminists that females are often straddled with different labels for similar qualities than males are. Like how little girls are "bossy," while boys are "assertive." I will concede my niece is bossy. But her brother is a dictator. I don't think the latter term has a more flattering vibe than the former. 

Kelsey McKinney takes umbrage at the moniker of "bridezilla." She claims that "everyone" has expectations that a wedding should be slam-bang amazing, but that the bride shouldn't be assertive in insisting on what she wants lest she be maligned by the above. 

As someone who just experienced her own wedding, I beg to differ. 

I will concede that in the frum New York world, wedding planning is not as exhausting (even though it is pretty darn exhausting). Our society is set up for weddings, and many matters do not have to be micromanaged. And yet. And yet: 

I never dreamed about my wedding. I fantasized about married life, but not the wedding itself. I had visions of my gown, but otherwise, frankly? Eh. 

Additionally, following Ma's passing, I simply wanted this to be a joyous celebration with my family, especially the kinfauna who have been badgering me for a wedding for a decade. In very few areas did I have a strong opinion to voice, and if I did, who says one has to be fire-breathing? What came pretty close to breaking me was seating arrangements, but that left me limp and GERD-ridden (maybe I was fire-breathing), not FURIOUS. 

My sister-in-law noted the difference between two simchos she attended. By Party A, everything was choreographed to perfection. But the hostess was so nervous that the negative vibes affected the guests' enjoyment. However, Party B had a major goof: the power went out. And the hosts laughed. (The electricity came back.)

Party B was a lot more fun than Party A, my sister-in-law said, because it really depends on the energy the hosts exude. 

Of course there were a few wedding day hiccups. But I refused to let them overpower me or my family. We were going to be happy and mindful, dammit. 

Afterwards, I was surprised how many people told me the wedding was so much fun. Luke observed, "That's what happens when you don't give a—," well, I'll omit the impolite emoji he used. 

A party has to be planned, of course. But it should be enjoyed. By everyone. Including the bride.