"I don't want to settle," she said, 19 and already frustrated with dating.
"You
shouldn't settle," I agreed. Her mother, anxious that I was giving her
daughter detrimental advice, opened her mouth to object.
I
held up my hand. "There is a difference between 'Ugh, I can't stand
this and this about him, but I'm tired of dating so I'll just settle'
and 'Yes, there is this and this about him, but I don't caaaaaare, because he's great!'"
The mother nodded.
The above conversation reminded me of an article I linked eons ago.
On an episode of Jane the Virgin, "Chapter 74" (SPOILERS) Jane and Rafael are re-exploring the possibility of a relationship. Their first "date," however, goes awry when Jane tries to bring up his reluctance to talk about his adoption, and he emotionally withdraws into a dark funk, asking her not to look at him with her "judgy" face.
On an episode of Jane the Virgin, "Chapter 74" (SPOILERS) Jane and Rafael are re-exploring the possibility of a relationship. Their first "date," however, goes awry when Jane tries to bring up his reluctance to talk about his adoption, and he emotionally withdraws into a dark funk, asking her not to look at him with her "judgy" face.
Jane realizes that she is judgy. That's who she is. And Rafael gets dark and withdrawn; that's who he is. When you love someone, you love all of them. Therefore, she proposes, on their next date, he can get as dark as he wants, and she can get as judgy as she wants.
It is said that "opposites attract." But people aren't exactly identical, nor are they perfectly opposite. On the surface, Han and I have a ridiculous amount of things in common. Yet there are plenty of things in which we are opposites.
When I think of an opposite couple, I think of my grandparents. Zeidy woke up with the rooster; Babi loved her bed. Zeidy was a prude; Babi had a salty tongue. Zeidy was deliberate and precise; Babi was quick and messy. For both, it was a second marriage, as both their spouses (and in Zeidy's case, a daughter) were killed. Yet for all these obvious differences, what I remember when I visited them as a child (Zeidy died when I was 9) was laughter. They had other similarities—both were from the same hometown, both were fiercely devoted to God, and both had a sense of humor.
When I think of an opposite couple, I think of my grandparents. Zeidy woke up with the rooster; Babi loved her bed. Zeidy was a prude; Babi had a salty tongue. Zeidy was deliberate and precise; Babi was quick and messy. For both, it was a second marriage, as both their spouses (and in Zeidy's case, a daughter) were killed. Yet for all these obvious differences, what I remember when I visited them as a child (Zeidy died when I was 9) was laughter. They had other similarities—both were from the same hometown, both were fiercely devoted to God, and both had a sense of humor.
One day,
when you meet the right one, you won't be in denial about his faults,
and he won't think you're free of blemish either. As Voltaire said, "The
perfect is the enemy of the good." But you'll be perfect for each
other.
No comments:
Post a Comment