Shidduch Myths: "All the Good Ones are Taken"

Sarah Eckel's book devotes each chapter to a "reason" why someone is single (too available, etc.) and destroys the faulty logic behind it. While some I have addressed in the past, others occurred to me while reading it that I thought would be fun to tackle. 

"All the good ones are taken." 

Whilst in my single days, I attended an afruf one Shabbos (the outing was memorable as we had to trek to another shul while dragging along a toddler nephew since we were babysitting) and I saw there a recently married neighbor along with her husband. 

His appearance was not only rather handsome, he exuded an aura of what I interpreted to be a pleasant personality. While wishing this acquaintance Gut Shabbos, I whispered to Ma (sotto voce, in retrospect), "She got such a cute one!" 

At the time, while happy for my contemporary's "success" in "snagging" a "cute guy," there was also the accompanying understanding that my options had dwindled further. There is a limit, after all, to good-looking, personable gentlemen. So, despite my Hungarian heritage (being appreciative of a chiseled jaw), I did not demand that feature in a future spouse. I "had to" focus strictly on qualities like kindness, intelligence, and tolerance for my sneaker collection. 

After meeting Han, however, I was surprised that he was "still available"; how could it be that some savvy huntress hadn't downed him with a tranquilizer dart and dragged him back to her lair? How was it possible that this package of fabulosity hadn't been "snatched up"?

Because, if people were like limited edition Adidas with gold laces, then yes, we could apply the premise of supply and demand. But people aren't commodities. They are complex individuals with inner worlds who interact with others in different ways. 

Additionally, there is the incorrect belief that if someone is married, then they must be "good." Well, no. A lot of jerks and mean girls are married. It's not like every young couple you meet has a shared glowing halo of goodness. 

What does "good" mean, anyway? For some, it's simply impeccable appearance; an appealing combination of facial features paired with a low enough MBI swathed in a rockin' wardrobe (that goes for men and women). For some, it's someone who visits his grandmother every Sunday then volunteers at the soup kitchen. For some, it's an admirable career choice (hello, Jewish doctor!) 

For others, "good" simply means "good for them." 

So while a number of men (ok, many, many men) ran screaming for the hills after they met me (why? Gosh, the list goes on: too tall, knows too much, too fond of lipstick, etc.), Han and I are good for each other.

To quote Amy March, "You don't need scores of suitors. You need only one, if he's the right one."