The Frummies Fight Back

Social media has been having hysterics over My Unorthodox Life—and it even had a moment when it had a conversation in my family. 

I have a relative who was in Bais Yaakov of Monsey with Julia, and she didn't even realize who she was until I told her. When I read online that Julia is 50, then read elsewhere that she had attended BYM, and I knew my relative is the same age, I texted her: 

Me: Did you go to high school with a Talia Leibov? 

Relative: Yes

Me: She's Julia Haart. My Unorthodox Life

Relative: WHAT? I thought it was a chassidish girl! 

Because if she had been chassidish, like Deborah Feldman of the original Unorthodox, then there wouldn't have been so much of a backlash. We know there are more extreme forms of chassidus, and the general Jewish public couldn't really know, for sure, what her upbringing had been like (although there were some who said they knew her in the past and it wasn't the way she made it out to be). 

However, in the case of Haart, her former classmates—like my relative—can vociferously claim that she is out-and-out lying about plenty. 

I have chosen not to see the show to preserve my equilibrium, but my relative was stunned what Haart claimed. For instance, even if her parents chose not to have a tv or newspapers, Haart definitely had classmates—like my relative—who did. Her classmates's parents were professionals: doctors, lawyers, accountants, nurses, teachers, etc. Her own mother was a math teacher. Her classmates—like my relative—went to college. My relative attended the local community college, RCC, and from there to CUNY. She wasn't a rebel, "defying her culture to get an education." That was the mainstream thing to do. 

Besides for the fact that Julia decided to manipulate her observant past for ratings, I find it disturbing that any sort of caring mother would exploit her teenagers in such a manner to gain the fame that she obviously craves. She attempts to reframe this irresponsibility by claiming to be a feminist warrior, fighting for the rights of oppressed women (eye roll). Even if her children agreed, they are certainly not old enough to understand the repercussions of becoming recognizable across the world. The internet can be cruel. 

As the counterperspective is exploding over social media—since Haart was not chassidish, her former compatriots are quite familiar with the medium—a counter-counterperspective has erupted as well, saying that "this is her story," that just because everyone else has a grand time being frum that doesn't mean she didn't feel squelched. 

But the problem with that argument is that Haart does not differentiate between her home life and the frum community she was in. She watched tv in her friends houses, she met their professional parents. Her parents were baalei teshuva, and she probably remembered her previous life quite well and was very possibly less than thrilled with the life decision they made, but that has no bearing on her misstated claims of how "everyone" is.

"The outside world" she keeps referring to is not known as "the outside world" to most frummies. We interact with it freely, choosing the elements we like and passing on the elements we don't. 

The rest of the world likes to think observant Jews have no exposure to secular society, because if we did, why the hell would we be religious? Religious "nutters" like us, poor things, don't realize how good they could have it—bacon! Free love! Short shorts!—if only they knew! 

The idea that observant Jews are employed in Manhattan firms, go to the movies, and post selfies of themselves on Instagram, and are still frum is a bit confusing to them. For Haart to say, "My parents decided to become religious when I was 10 and we joined a rather pleasant middle-of-the-road community who were observant and yet still got home delivery of the New York Times": YAWN. No one's interested in a show like that. They want the freak factor. 

The reason why #myorthodoxlife is staging a loud backlash is not just because of Haart; it's because Jews have seen an uptick in antisemitic attacks, and we really don't need anymore bad publicity. It's nothing new; the majority of the world doesn't like us. But we—like every other individual—has a voice, thanks to social media. We don't have to wait politely for a newspaper to be willing to publish our point of view. Alexa Fleksher created enough of a buzz that even Netflix noticed.

But as the success of Shtisel has shown, "the outside world" is just as content with seeing how the religious roll, even if they never choose to leave. I've watched shows about all sorts of different cultures and found them fascinating. Shidduch dating? They would have a field day! 

Haart's playing it wrong, fighting against her youngest's religiosity. She should embrace it. That's what the people want to see.