We're Not The Only Ones With A Dress Code

As the blogosphere attests, many a frummie desires to be chic/hip/stylish as well as dress according to current Judaic standards. I thought that such a topic would not be of interest to the outside world, but as Mormons gain media attention, perhaps with Romney's campaign, NY Times gave them a fashion spotlight. 

“I think there’s an acceptance now that you can look current and interesting but still uphold the values of the Mormon religion,” [Kendra Smoot] added. There are limits, however. According to guidelines on dress and grooming on the church’s official Web site, Mormons are discouraged from wearing immodest clothing, including “short shorts and skirts,” “tight clothing” and “shirts that do not cover the stomach.” They should “avoid extremes in clothing, appearance and hairstyle” and not “disfigure” themselves “with tattoos or body piercings.”

Hey, that's our thing! 

Needless to say, countless Mormons work in fashion, design, art, music and film, and they generally dress and act just like anybody else.  

Um, sound familiar? 

. . . the center of a growing Mormon subculture, populated by creative types who dress like they stepped out of “a modest American Apparel ad,” she said.

Are you kidding me? I thought we copyrighted that image years ago!

Well, well, well. Here we were, shuffling through stores seeking long-sleeved, low-hemmed, high-collared garments, and the Mormons stole our image! 

It's okay, I suppose. There's enough fashion-conscious modesty to go around. I can be generous.

Battle of the Bulge: Mealtimes

When I started eating healthy and only healthy, I lost five pounds.

I wasn't in an unhealthy weight bracket, but I wanted to take control of my eating habits, and I lost unnecessary weight, which I am not complaining about. 

For those who are interested, read on. 

Once the palate is accustomed to healthy foods, then the next step can be taken. 

Step 2: Mealtimes Strictly Enforced

I used to eat constantly and mindlessly. Every time I was bored, I would haul open the fridge door for something to nibble on. 

I didn't change that while I adjusted my palate to good foods. But five oranges a day add up, y'know. 

Now, I made sure to be satisfied after breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with no munching in between. After holding myself back for a few weeks, I began to differentiate between hunger and boredom, to the point that unless I was hungry, I did not want to eat. 

The size of the stomach (not the protruding belly; the organ where food is digested) depends on how much one eats. Eat less, and it shrinks. One will feel constant hunger for a bit while cutting down how much one eats, but if one hangs in there, the stomach will adapt and one will be satisfied with less food.

It was a big success for me, I have to say, to eat only by meals. 

While some diet plans claim the necessity of snacks, that does not work for me. Once I start munching, I don't stop. Better if I eat a full meal and wait until the next one.  

And it paid off; I shed another five pounds. 

Hello, Louis

Louis C.K. is, I grant you, a potty-mouthed comedian. However, when he has to make his bits FCC-friendly, he can be thought-provoking as well as hysterical.

Not Quite Yet

My grandmother, getting on in years, decided a while back to get for herself a full-time woman. She's gone through a few by now, but she currently has the most amazing, lovely, caring lady that we all adore. She's kind, she's educated, she's interested in and respectful of frum Jewish culture.

A cousin of mine who is still in her teens got engaged. My grandmother is furious about this imminent marriage as I am still available, despite the fact that we are both her descendants.

But Babi's woman initially thought it was me that got be-ringed, and she was horrified. Why?

She doesn't want me to give up my independence so soon.  

And, she added, I should hold out for a man who will take care of me (she doesn't get this "sitting and learning" thing).

I hope she doesn't go home anytime soon. She's doing wonders for my ego.

Marriage, The Roma Way

I have found myself, despite my protestations, succumbing to more and more reality television. I have now been sucked, much to my chagrin, into My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

I was initially intrigued by the dresses; the ads display gowns so large that the brides spend their weddings tripping and stumbling and poking eyes out. Underneath, the skin is rubbed raw and bleeding from the weight.  Emerging from the wedding day with scars is considered normal. 

I find the dresses magnificent. A bit much, but still fabulous. In an age of less is more, ungepachkit gowns are rather appealing to see. I'm not a fan of minimalist wedding frocks, slender casual dresses lacking pomp and circumstance. 

After tuning in, the Roma culture itself is rather interesting. They marry very young; brides of 16 are normal. "Long in the tooth" can be 22. While their daily attire can be rather . . . revealing, they have very strict moral standards. They don't date nor are they engaged very long. 

The reality show depicts the Travellers and Roma (technically two separate ethnic groups) not in the most flattering of terms, according to the internet outrage, so I shan't relate any more as their culture, like any other, is not so simply depicted. (For instance, I once stumbled upon British reality series about the lives of observant Manchester Jews, and they were happy to make us look insane. The three episodes were available on koshertube, but they appear to have been deleted).

These girls dream of their wedding for years, the same way any other typical girl would. I always found that concept to be sad, how girls can spend years longing and planning for this one day. 

Sure, I think about a hypothetical wedding, and I may have a dress designed in my head, and perhaps I already know which makeup artist I'll be using, but I think that once I have a guy, I would be happy to be married in a rabbi's study. 

The idea of "MY day," and spending entire savings on it, I don't get. For some, the memories of their wedding will have to buoy them for years to come, and they know it. I hope my own joy and lifelong satisfaction doesn't have to depend on one day of celebration. 

Shrew!

The other day The Taming of the Shrew (1967) was on TCM. While Elizabeth Taylor is wearing too much makeup for Renaissance Italy, the film is rather entertaining. It also has Michael York in a supporting tole, and I always found his voice soothing.

While Elizabeth seems a bit much, keep in mind Katherine is a drama queen. This translation deals well with Katherine's eventual and inexplicable deference to Petruchio (played with swinish abandon by Richard Burton, Elizabeth's recurring husband); one can see that he has not tamed her, merely she gets with the program that instead of shrieking, she'll have to demurely manipulate him. Since his method to break her was to "kill a wife with kindness," he has it coming.   

I suppose feminists could have a field day with this play. Here we have a strong woman (when Katherine has the soliloquy about women's soft and weak bodies, I want to laugh; never mind her ability to give others a black eye, what about basic childbirth?)

But consider; times haven't changed so much. Baptista (Katherine's father) will not marry off his other daughter, the lovely (meaning sweet-tempered) Bianca until the elder harpy is wed.

The first in, first out policy has only recently been repealed in some Jewish circles. Even in more chilled-out homes, I heard it said even about the sons.

There was a guy I went out with once (and happily never saw again) who was working (in a very good job I might add) and later married a lovely girl. It was said before I went out with him that the mother wanted him married and out of the way since his younger brother, the learner, would be a "hot commodity" and so quickly snapped up. It took him five years after the elder brother's wedding. Snort. 

I am happy I don't have sibling issues in that department. 

A girl I know went out with a guy, and said, "You would be perfect for my older sister." He was. 

I've been the cheese, standing alone, since I was a teenager. And what I know is that turning into a Katherine while dealing with the dating world is all to easy. 

"Lea, please," my mother begs. "Don't give me a hard time about this." 

Good thing I don't have a sweet-tempered sister to make me look bad. Then I'd be foisted onto a Petruchio. Ew.

Tchias HaMeisim

The reigning shoe of today is Louboutin, in all its freakishly tall glory. 

I, personally, do not drool over them the way some do. In my view a shoe has to look good, not necessarily be the "in" shoe. I know of some who pursue Louboutins, but since they are reduced to the affordable yet still in-stock items, they end up purchasing pairs that are unflattering. But hey, they have red soles, so who cares if their feet look deformed.

But does anyone remember, how but a few years ago, the Queen of Saks was the Manolo? 

The Manolo Blahnik reached Louboutin-like heights not so long ago after Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) began crooning to them through store windows. "Hello, lover."  

It seems, despite getting ground underfoot, the Manolo has arisen from the dust to reclaim (at least, partially) its glory. 

While they are infinitely tamer than the Louboutin, they are also more wearable, both in terms of comfort and chicness. 

Arriving for her Vogue shoot last spring, Ms. Parker entered a dressing room filled with the latest styles and a wall of shoes secured for the sitting by Tonne Goodman, a seasoned editor at Vogue. “I walked in and looked around and saw all these shoes, and then I spotted the Manolos and it was like water in a desert,” Ms. Parker said. “I was just so excited to see a simple black pump.”

Welcome back. 

Overheard - Rather, Said in My Presence

Woman 1: "You know about that lovely girl that lives next to me, right?"

Woman 2: "Oh, yes! She's amazing. Sooooo accomplished." (voice drops to serious tone) "Did she ever get married?"

Woman 1: (shakes head sorrowfully) "No."

Woman 2: "How old is she now? 23? 24?"

The One, The Only . . .

He's baaaaaaaaack.

I have been eagerly awaiting the resumption of Rabbi Yisroel Reisman's Navi shiur, and according to a schedule I uncovered, it will begin October 22 at 9 pm (eastern standard time). 

Here is a list of locations that link up to TCN, or Torah Conferencing Network.

I cannot recommend him highly enough if one wants to be inspired. He also gives mussar better than anyone else I know (he has an adept hand at Jewish guilt, and he says the "fire and brimstone" method was no longer viable after churban bayis rishon). 

For those who are unable to attend, his book Pathways of the Prophets, which is composed of his Navi shiurim over the years, is a great read. I've probably bought five of them in all, as I kept giving them as gifts. 

I Tried. I Really Tried.

It has become obvious that the Colorscience Sunforgettable Mineral Powder in Perfectly Clear is too dark for my skin tone. Before I give the lighter shade, All Clear, a shot, I wanted to try other available brands.  

BareMinerals is the highest rated and best selling mineral makeup out there, and I really wanted to like it. 

I bought: 

Light: straight yellow. 
Golden Fair: too yellow. 
Fairly Light: too orange. 

They all went back. 

Then, I tried Korres Wild Rose Mineral Foundation. 

Light: too dark.
Fair: too orange. 

Both went back. 

I was starting to feel what Jon Stewart sadly called John Boehner: "You misguided tangerine." 

I didn't give the Philosophy The Supernatural Airbrushed Canvas a second look because the lightest shade (warm ivory, or something like that) was straight brown.  

Clinique Superbalanced Powder Makeup was too dark as well. I was really bummed about that as I really like the idea of freshly-shaved makeup.

I do have a mineral makeup that is positively gorgeous, which is the Dior Diorskin Nude Natural Glow Face Powder Makeup in Light Beige 020. It's not even in the lightest shade available, yet with these other companies I cannot find something light enough.

It's odd, because I do not have porcelain white skin. Not remotely.

There are many makeup companies who are not able to  (or will not) accommodate some skin tones.When Calvin Klein first came out with makeup, Ma was told by the sales associates that she can do nothing for her porcelain white skin. Yes, there is prejudice against skin color amongst cosmetic companies.

I do not want to cheapen the divine effect of Dior  by buffing it on daily, and additionally I want a mineral makeup with a little more SPF to cover my bases. 

But after spending many cumulative hours in-store and online, I am near frustrated tears. 

I have one last option:  

Sephora Mineral Foundation Compact in D10.

Here goes . . .

With baited breath, I swish it on . . . 

Go out into sunlight . . . 

YEEEEEEEEEES! Victory! 

While previously I would have preferred a mineral makeup with at least SPF 30 for weekday, the Elta MD that I apply beneath keeps me covered. 

I buff it on with my drugstore-issue mineral foundation brush, and my face is actually now the same color as my neck! Ha ha!