Eyeliner Updated

After my initial eyeshadow post, I shopped around. I tried to be open. I tried gel liners, liquid liners, pencils. 

And you know what?  

Powder liner is the best. 

Every other one I tried ended up all over my face. And I don't ever, ever, touch my eyes (rubbing could facilitate wrinkles). Yet how did I end up with black smudges on my lower cheek and under my nose? 

I know I recommended that for Shabbos one should use sealant in conjunction with loose powder liner, but I have found that just using powder liner with a little water stayed on great all through Shabbos. The sealant is more necessary for a multiple-day yontif. 

Powder liner is also extremely versatile. Below is a video where she uses Mac black eyeshadow as a liner, I'm guessing in Carbon. It's the same makeup artist in both, so I guess she's a powder liner fan.

I apply eyeliner beneath my upper lashes for an appearance of fullness, and distinctly along my lower lash line. 

I have yet to try the "winged" look myself, since I think it is hard to do get right and can end up looking deforming if executed incorrectly. Just a simple swipe of black liner along the lower lash line will make one look stunning (it's kind of embarrassing how many Kim Kardashian makeup tutorials I have bookmarked. While that gal is no role model, she has great makeup looks).

Battle of the Bulge: It's Not About the Bulge, Really

When I was in high school, I was not very aware of my eating habits; then I went to college, and my cluelessness continued. It was when I had a terrible schedule of many unoccupied hours that I noticed a trend; I was munching all the time. 

I made a decision to cease unhealthy food consumption. That step towards health begat another, then another, and so forth. It was not until I read this article that I suddenly realized—I am actually on that plant-based diet they are always yammering about.

The purpose of my "Bulge Battle" posts is not about being slender for the sake of being so; it's about eating well, which usually, in turn, leads to being lean and bouncy. 

For instance, Dean Ornish is writing here how while some diets (and by "diets," I mean those "get-skinny-quick" schemes) have amazingly thin results, they do a mean number on the human body. Like Atkins. Sure, one may have lost poundage, but one is now a ticking time bomb. 

I have realized that I don't really like red meat. If meatballs or stuffed pepper is on the menu, I actually love the tomato-y sauce more, ladling the pot dry while ignoring the cow parts. Steak? Blah. I like the birds more, especially duck (a rare treat). But for the most part, I don't really need any fleish to be happy. 

My primary foods are whole grains, along with colorful fruits and vegetables. Whenever I veer, such as by simchas or guesting, my body slows down; I feel sluggish and meh.

The benefits of a plant-based diet (with some fish) is mind-boggling. 

In 35 years of medical research . . . we have seen that patients who ate mostly plant-based meals, with dishes like black bean vegetarian chili and whole wheat penne pasta with roasted vegetables, achieved reversal of even severe coronary artery disease. They also engaged in moderate exercise and stress-management techniques, and participated in a support group. The program also led to improved blood flow and significantly less inflammation which matters because chronic inflammation is an underlying cause of heart disease and many forms of cancer. We found that this program may also slow, stop or reverse the progression of early stage prostate cancer, as well as reverse the progression of Type 2 diabetes.

Also, we found that it changed gene expression in over 500 genes in just three months, “turning on” genes that protect against disease and “turning off” genes that promote breast cancer, prostate cancer, inflammation and oxidative stress.

The program, too, has been associated with increased telomerase, which increases telomere length, the ends of our chromosomes that are thought to control how long we live . . . As our telomeres get longer, our lives may get longer.

In a randomized controlled trial, patients on this lifestyle program lost an average of 24 pounds after one year and maintained a 12-pound weight loss after five years. The more closely the patients followed this program, the more improvement we measured in each category — at any age. 

I can't stand it when people say things like "low carb." Whole grains are carbs, but they are good carbs, magnificent carbs, the carbs that keep one full and balanced. Food labels like "low fat" are a crock, since they "magically" have no difference in taste and flavor—they often replace that missing fat with mysterious ingredients, so while, yeah, it is "low in fat," it isn't the best for you.

It’s not low carb or low fat. An optimal diet is low in unhealthful carbs (both sugar and other refined carbohydrates) and low in fat (especially saturated fats and trans fats) as well as in red meat and processed foods.

It's just about teaching oneself to crave the stuff that not only will you love, but will also love you back. 

So that is why I rarely eat out, why I abstain from white-flour based breads and cakes, why sweet potato, the scourge of my childhood, is my new best friend. 

Even if someone is a size 4, it doesn't automatically mean that she's in the prime of health. Because it matters more how and what one eats rather than being a smaller dress size.

I feel Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Lentil soup, anyone?

O Sunshine

It's hard being a morning person. One wakes up at dawn, refreshed and ready to party, and then there is no one to play with. 

A guy called up to schedule a date. 

"So how about 8 a.m. on Sunday morning?" 

I was so excited. "Sure!" I burbled with glee. 

"Um, I was joking . . ." 

Oh. 

I am surrounded by night creatures who surface with the advent of the dark, whilst I, the morning robin, nests herself into bed. 

"Are you interested in a self-defense class?" 

"Sounds cool! When is it?" 

"Tuesday nights at 9." 

"Sorry, no can do." 

It's hard enough being a lonely early bird. Try explaining it. 

"What is wrong with you?" 

How do I describe the willies that take me over when the evening creeps out? The fantasy that abominables lurk behind bushes? Also that I am dead tired by 10 o' clock since I've been up before 6? 

I shrug helplessly instead. 

FB bombards me with photos of contemporaries basking in the night life. Doesn't anyone go out for breakfast anymore? 

I've noticed how some teenagers force themselves to become night people. My young cousin is still pottering about the house close to midnight despite the fact she has nothing to do, since high school "rules" dictate late hours. My high school tried that on me, but I held firm to my principles. 

"Don't call her house past 9! Because she'll be asleep!" they would laugh hysterically.

Ha ha, very funny. You know what is also funny? Sleep deprivation during formative years probably led to your stunted growth. What a hoot.

I found one sympathetic soul who understands what I'm going through. "When I was dating," she told me, "I told the guys I can only do motzei Shabbos or Sunday. I know myself; I couldn't function if I had a date on weeknights. One guy even started yelling at me! We never ended up going out." 

By the way, she's long married. Her children considerately tuck her in. 

We aren't weird, just different. Can you understand that? We didn't choose to be this way, having alternate time zones to the rest of you. 

We just ask for a little kindness and understanding. 

Vacational Dating

Since my one out-of-country date was a raving lunatic, I have not experienced that which Eve Fairbanks relates in this article. 

She claims that it was on vacation that she always fell madly in love. One of her theories is that when visiting strange places, one is open to all sorts of meaningful insights. 

We’re primed, on vacation, to recognize such messages in what we see, hear and eat, and in the people we meet. These strangers often seem to carry important information about what is valuable in life, and this makes them incredibly alluring.  

What she seems to be saying is that when one is "away," one is living in the moment. Except, even in the boring mundane can one find enlightenment; if one holds out until one sees the Grand Canyon to find meaning in life, they need to get a life. 

But her other thoughts are rather intriguing. Such as, this idea when on vacation one can pretend to be someone else; Fairbanks offers it is, rather, our true selves surface, unbound by our familiar surroundings and responsibilities. 

The idea prospers that vacation flings are an escape from our real selves. But maybe what’s really happening is that they draw out selves that are real but suppressed. When we’re young, we stifle many possible selves to channel our energy into one, but the others can probably never be fully smothered. They merely wait for a trigger to revive. That can be a new place, a new person or, most powerfully, both. 

And another possibility: 

The ultimate truism in our understanding of vacation romance is that it’s exciting because we don’t see our new lover’s flaws. Again, I think the opposite is the truth: on vacation we stop judging and allow ourselves to relish another person’s quirky imperfections. 

"On vacation we stop judging." Consider: When one is on their own turf and see someone munching on grasshoppers, that is too much to handle. When in a foreign country, amongst locust-eaters, one will laugh and gamely try a six-legged snack. 

But what if we simply transferred that feeling of camaraderie to life at home? That we dated with open minds first, and see where it takes us? 

She relates how she met a waiter while traveling in California. He was dapper, he was educated, and his teeth were crooked. 

The makers of Persian rugs know that an imperfection makes a beautiful carpet more winsome. We are drawn to the cracks in a wall, the cake with a slight droop, because these are what make something — or someone — individual. We indulge our natural attraction to imperfection more freely on vacation.

Away from home we don't complain that the shower doesn't work right or the food isn't like Mom's or that the bed is softer at home. That's the whole point of being on vacation; seeing the day-to-day of other people, and relishing instead of criticizing it. We don't visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa and say, "Someone should fix that." Superman did that when he was in his evil stage; when he reverted to his intrinsic goodness, he tipped it back over.

At home, though, in our ordinary lives, imperfections are liabilities. We repaint, we replace. We tolerate flaws in our partners but rarely cherish them. Partly this is the inevitable shift to a longer-term calculus. Those crooked teeth: will my children have them?

What we often perceive as "fixer-upper" can be wonderful as is. As Voltaire said, "The better is the enemy of the good." Our "flaws" is what makes us who we are; without them, we aren't ourselves.  

But I also think our aversion to imperfection is amplified by today’s Match.com dating philosophy, in which compatibility is king, smokers are excludable by checking a box, no weird tics and take care of your body, please.

Of course, we all have our lines in the sand. But people are one package, not a list of traits to be compared on a clipboard. 

On vacation, we fall in love less by logic than by instinct. The question then becomes: Should we be trying to love in regular life more like we love when we travel?   

The New Normal

Things must be really bad if I entered my local supermarket in bunny slippers and no one batted an eyelash. 

After a week+ of no power, a song from my childhood began to play in my head: 

And yet, I am still incredibly thankful that the damage was not as bad as it could have been. I doubt I would feel the same way if I had little children to take care of (I feel for all the parents out there. I really do). 

I Liiiiiiiive!

Despite the fact that posts have been going up regularly this week, I have not had power, ergo no internet access. 

And, yes, I have managed to cling to my last vestiges of sanity. 

I think. 

Hoping to catch up soon to comments! 

The Plight of the Bad Cop

Modern Family, "Good Cop Bad Dog":

Phil and Claire are typical parents of a typical family. One morning Claire is demanding that the teenage daughters finally clean their bathroom, while Phil is making faces behind her back, attempting to downplay her strictness.

Claire's had enough of being the bad guy; she wants to be fun for once. She takes the son, Jake, and his step-uncle (he's the same age, ergo Modern Family) go-carting while leaving a reluctant Phil in charge of the girls. 

Phil halfheartedly asks the girls to clean up, and they do a slapdash job, stuffing most of the mess in the cabinet then scurrying out the door. Phil is so furious that they tried to make a fool of him that he launches himself on the hood of the moving car. 

His anger and despotism increase as he has them scrubbing the bathroom all day with no food as he duct-tapes their laptops shut. 

Meanwhile, Claire is determined to be fun. She lies about the boys' ages to allow them to go-cart, and as soon as the race starts she swerves her cart into theirs, shoving them out of the race. 

She insists they stuff themselves with hot dogs and milk shakes, and when the son Jake gets carsick she protests that he can't be, because they're having fun. The boys arrive home miserable.  

"I'm twelve! I need limits!" Jake tells her.

Claire returns home to find her daughters starving and exhausted, and Phil intends to send them out to the car to clean up Jake's barf. 

Claire tells Phil to call this off; she was not meant to be the good cop, he was not meant to be the bad. We have our inherent roles, and we cannot be anything else.

 

Well, I can relate. I'm the bad cop with the kinfauna. Ma was the bad cop with me and my siblings. 

A psychology professor in college once told the class that fathers are the disciplinarians, mothers are full of mushy-gushy love. I wondered what she was smoking. 

It makes no sense for fathers to be the bad cops; no man I know wants to come home after work and belt the kid with a strap (so to speak). The men I know mess up the mothers' plan of getting the kids into bed by hitzing up the offspring. 

Claire and Phil realized that there is a place for the good cop and the bad cop, and they must respect the other's abilities as such. Phil shouldn't think that she is the cruel overlord; Claire shouldn't think he gets to goof off. 

I'm not meant to be the fun one. And I'm cool with it.

Homemade Tinted Moisturizer

While I was desperately searching for a tinted moisturizer and had not yet found my beloved Nars, I dabbled with DYO. After morosely searching the internet with plummeting hopes, this link piqued my interest.

My word! Make Your Own tinted moisturizer? Can it be done?

I am not one to turn down a cosmetic challenge.

As for the SPF moisturizer? I always wanted to try Devita Solar Protective Moisturizer SPF 30 Plus. It has over 100 five star user reviews on Vitacost, and is equally loved on Amazon. Non-comedogenic, which is great for me, and the reviewers say it is not too moisturizing, which is what I need. 

It's not remotely complicated. Take a dab of SPF, a dab of foundation, and presto! It provides sheer coverage while protecting skin. 

For my foundation I used a sample of Bobbi Brown Natural Finish Long Lasting Foundation SPF 15 in Warm Ivory.While it is not my choice for all-the-time foundation, the pigment is fine for this experiment.

Always select a lotion with SPF when making your own tinted moisturizer, since the skin must be shielded at all times. This way one can select whatever moisturizer or lotion they like, whether it be heavier or lighter, depending their complexion's needs. 

Dude Looks Like a Lady

For millennia, it has been known that men get the better end of the baby-making equation (besides for the obvious: childbirth). Take the first aging couple with a fertility problem: Avraham and Sarah. When he takes Hagar as a concubine, she promptly bears a son. However, a divine miracle was needed to rejuvenate Sarah's womb. 

This seeming inequity has continued down the generations, until today, when bachelors of 50 are seeking females twenty years their junior to fulfill their dreams of daddyhood. 

While the results are not overwhelming, there is some research to suggest that aging men may pass on mutations to their offspring. It was enough to have women gleefully pounce on this news as another equalizer between the sexes. 

But if men start worrying about their biological clocks even 10 percent as much as women do, commenters seemed to suggest, that would signal a notable social shift — one that’s in line with a broader gender shift we’re seeing. Far more men are feeling anxious about worries (work-life balance, pressure to look attractive, even whether they’re good cooks) that used to weigh more heavily on women. We used to think the gender revolution meant that women would become more like men. Has it turned out the real shift is that men are becoming more like women?  

Well, yeah, kinda. Men and women used to live completely separate lives, with strictly defined roles, in nearly all aspects of class and status. As women encroached more and more on the male sphere, adopting more male aspects, men were influenced in turn. It would seem our culture is becoming rather androgynous in gender. 

Seriously, what is a major difference between male and female abilities nowadays except for a right to wear lipstick?

I've become quite fond of the sitcom Up All Night. It portrays a relatable couple (instead of a goofy husband with a wife too good for him, like more classic TV fare) who unintentionally have a child. The husband decides to leave his shtotzy attorney gig to raise the baby while his wife sticks with her job. He is competent, able to change a diaper without hijinks, and is fond of the "Mommy & Me" group, whereas his wife is a Type A control freak who is great at her calling.

They are more alike than not, with less distinctive gender roles. Their lines are practically interchangeable. 

The family guru always said that as the time of Moshiach nears, the original "curses" would have less of a hold. Consider: It was those curses that embedded within humankind the concept of gender roles to begin with, as men had to sweat for their food and women were defined by their child-rearing. 

So I guess progress is Steven Tyler.       

Model Cheekbones

You notice how supermodels tend to have sculpted cheeks?

You guessed it: Fake. 

Fake, fake, fake.

It's actually not that hard to do; with the use of darks and lights, one can have runway-ready cheekbones. Since my grandmother's awesome cheekbones refused to be passed on, I have to opt for optical illusions.

I'm not a fan of bronzer on the apples of the cheeks, since I believe that pink blush is much prettier there; cheeks are supposed to be rosy! But when it comes to contouring, that's where bronzer is useful.

Technically it doesn't have to be bronzer, it can be any sort of eyeshadow or some such that is a few shades darker than the skin tone, and preferably matte. The one I'm currently using is Tarte's Matte Waterproof Bronzer. It looks deceptively light in the holder, but it delivers perfect contouring color. 

Sephora came out with their own line of bronzers, with two matte shades: Los Cabos, which is referred to as "universal," and Bora Bora, which online doesn't look very different. Maybe it's a tad darker? 

Whatever makeup books I looked at were terribly vague on the method. They would show where darker or lighter shades should go, but no advice as to what or with. 

YouTube to the rescue! These videos were absolute saviors. 

The set she uses by Coastal Scents above can be found here.

I use the e.l.f Blush Brush, which is tapered on both ends as well as being flat, making it beyond simple to apply contouring in a neat line. 

Since I have a large forehead I bring some of that contour powder up to my hairline. The contouring also makes the face look slender, so I have been thought to be crash-dieting by the crossing guard ("Dawling, you are too skinny!")

A dark powder or cream can also be used to make a nose look more slender, or to diminish the severity of a second chin.

Brush up on your fish face!