Book Review Continued: "Group"

The second aspect of the book that I noted . . . 

It's not like Tate came from an abusive home. Her parents were solid Catholic Texans. There was no fighting. She mentions her siblings in passing, and they seem to be fine, married and settled. 

But Tate's upbringing did leave a mark. She was a tween when she witnessed a horrific accident, and her parents did not know how to deal with it. They told her to buck up, to put on a happy face, to power through. At some point the school sent her to a therapist who was not a good fit, and she lied to her parents after one session that she was good to go. They were happy. 

It made me think of Thomas Boyce's dandelion and orchid theory. Some children come into this world mentally and emotionally sturdy. No matter what life throws at them they can cheerfully trundle along. (A neighbor once said about Luke, "You could send him to public school no problem." Yeah, total dandelion.) 

But other children are more sensitive. They need more support, more nurturing, more attention. If they don't get that from their caretakers, they flounder. If they do, they flourish, becoming ever more than a dandelion can. 

My thought on this was—besides for the belief that Tate is an orchid, and many messages given consciously or unconsciously to her by her parents and teachers left deep marks—that what if it doesn't have to be so extreme? What if there is a plant that falls between a dandelion and an orchid? (My botany is not proficient, so I don't have an example there.)

Life is rarely black and white—it's not like children are either one thing or the other. Some kids can be more sensitive in some ways, and less sensitive in others.  

Chanoch l'naar al pi daarko—it's a toughie. Parents can do everything "right," and the kids will still end up on a therapist's couch complaining about their upbringing. 

Ben is too small for me to be worried too much right now. He's content with regular meals, a good night's sleep, and reading the same book on a loop (I'm going mad). I'm curious as to what he is, but I think it's neither dandelion nor orchid. I have to be in tune for when his personal sensitivities pop up, so I can be ready to accommodate them.