Oh, The Makeups You'll Try

Since my relationship with my tinted moisturizer imploded, I began to search for something different. 

Goals: 

• matte (no sparkle or sheen)

• many color options (to ensure a better chance of a skintone match)

• SPF (even though it wouldn't be sufficient to properly protect skin, I like it if my makeup can at least add a little more to my sunscreen)

• non-comodegenic (maybe that will help the milia)

• meant for combination/oily skin

• moisturizing (lightly)

• paraben-free (I get hung up about that even though research hasn't proved anything conclusively)

• light coverage that allows my own skin to shine through while obscuring imperfections

1) Lancome Teint Idole Fresh Wear 18-Hour Shine-Free SPF 15 Foundation appears to have the whole package except for moisturizing. But that is easy to take care of; I can use a moisturizing primer instead (like Korres). 

I went to the Macy's counter, and the salesgal whipped out a few bottles for comparison. It seemed all too easy when I quickly settled on Ivory 2C. 

The foundation itself is watery-thin, which is what I'm looking for, not for something too thick that will sit heavily on my skin. 

I skipped home.  

Of course I popped the champagne too soon. 

Beneath the truth-illuminating light of my bathroom mirror, this foundation was distinctly ORANGE. If one looks at the swatch online, it appears to be distinctly yellow in hue, however, not in person. 

Hi-ho, back to Macy's it will go.  

2) Cover FX Natural FX Water Based Foundation SPF 15, which also meets most of the requirements. My interest was piqued because of the variety of shades, including the M-line for yellow undertones. My skin is fair with a hint - just a hint - of yellow. I was hoping that the foundation would be able to capture that. 

It is meant for the sensitive and red of skin, and claims to be long wearing, which would make it ideal for Shabbos.

I purchased the lightest of the M, M10/Bone. In store, the color looked like perfection (as usual). At home, it seemed as though it was slightly too dark. But it seemed to be a better match than anything I've tried so far. 

It is not matte. While it is not sparkly, my face looked shiny in no time. Apparently, it has a "dewy" finish. But this "dewiness" seemed to make any coverage disappear in no time, even though I coated myself in powder. My boss told me I had something on my chin. Thank you.  

By the end of the day the foundation was blotchy and flaky around my mouth.

Those with dry, sensitive skin seem to love this foundation, so it is not for my combination/oily skin. 

3) Clarins Everlasting Foundation SPF 15 is meant for oily skin types, and the reviews are off the charts. But I didn't want to get stuck with a wrong color again that I would have to return, so I brought along the Hourglass tinted moisturizer that matches so well. 

And nothing remotely matched it. The 04 Cream was too light, the 07 Beige too orange, the 05 Nude too dark. Dodging the grasping salespeople, I bolted. Sephora's policy is to leave customers alone until they request help; department store cosmetics is like a jungle. 

I am irritated because if they hadn't been so pushy I would have been able to hear myself think and make a better informed decision. I may try again one day, after setting off a diversion.

4) Hourglass just released a new foundation, meant for oily skin types: Hourglass Immaculate Liquid Powder Foundation Mattifying Oil Free. I was ecstatic since it is available in Shell, which is the same shade I had the perfectly matching tinted moisturizer, but there is a glitch: no SPF. I am used to my cosmetics pulling double duty, so this is a turn-off. 

Additionally, it doesn't claim to be non-comedogenic, but I decided to be adventurous. It wasn't yet available in my local Sephora so I bought it online with free shipping. 

Tinted Moisturizer in Shell - beige.  

Powder Foundation in Shell - ORANGE! Orange, orange, orange! WHY!?!

In terms of the foundation's consistency, I have never experienced anything like it before. Straight from the bottle, it is watery in texture, but after blending it in it dries to a powdery finish.

It's kinda awesome. Except in a few places my pores seemed more obvious as the foundation sank into the skin, and it is hard to blend since it dries to powder immediately. There was some streaking on my face where I didn't blend fast enough. 

But it was the first that didn't have a dewy, shiny finish; my skin (except for being orange) looked pretty close to the matteness that I seek, although is seemed cakey in certain areas.

The color ensures that it goes back, and I really want something with SPF. But maybe when it shows up in my local store I'll see if I can find something in my color. Meaning, not orange.

5) Shiseido The Makeup Dual Balancing Foundation SPF 17. They also have a color line, Ochre, for yellow undertones, and I got the lightest avauilable, O20 Light Ochre. 

It is not orange! Woo!

For combination skin types, it claims to hydrate dry areas (my cheeks) and minimize shine in oily areas (t-zone).

One thing to whine about it the bottle. It has no pump or applicator, making it a little awkward. I'm not happy about dipping my finger into a bottle every day, as that contaminates the product. But hey! It's not orange! I'll let it go.

The finish is semi-matte, meaning no sparkle but not dry. I dust on some setting powder, which takes away any dewiness.

This is probably the first liquid foundation I tried so far that matched my skin color pretty close to perfect. In my bathroom mirror it is divine; but sometimes in other lights it looks either whiter or darker. I can't quite figure it out, but I'm going to keep it for now and squint in different lights. 

Good thing too, since I am a little scared of the saleswoman and I would be terrified to bring this back.

Bright Eyed, If Not Bushy Tailed

I starting taking out makeup books from the library. While they rarely teach me anything groundbreaking, and the looks are a bit much, I usually get one or two tips that are of use. 

Consider Makeup: The Ultimate Guide. The author, Rae Morris, has a great writing style and doesn't take herself too seriously, and for those who know nothing check out this book, but not the looks. They are a kinda overboard.

  

But there is one thing that she does over and over, and that is to apply white pencil to the waterline.

Deciding to opt for slightly less dramatic, I purchased the Tarte EmphasEYES Inner Rim Brightener. It comes in only one color, nude. 

As a contact-lens wearer, I've managed to permanently disable any frantic blinking reaction, so it was easy to slide the pencil up and down the waterline after lining the lower rim in black. (The waterline is what it sounds like; the wet area of the lower lid that is close to the eye. The lower rim is the dry territory beneath the lower lashes.)

I also applied some in the inner corner of my eye. 

My eyes did look brighter and bigger, and lasted a pretty long time, considering. 

I find that lining the waterline in black makes the eyes look smaller, while opting for white makes them bigger. Use the black liner on the lower rim instead. 

I think I'll get a white pencil soon. I'll try the Buxom Insider Eyeliner in Pearl next.

New Brush Love

I have just found the most awesome eyeshadow brush: Up & Up Crease brush. 

Up & Up is a Target brand, and the brush costs $1.99.  

Via painted-ladies.com

This brush is PERFECTION. It accurately applies color and easily blends it out at the same time, so forget about even accidental harsh lines. 

I am stocking up on these! 

Cell vs. Landline

Hello, Mister Henkel, this is Harvey Johnson,
Can I speak to Penelope Ann?

Hello, Missus Miller, this is Harvey Johnson,
Can I speak to Debra Sue?

Hello, Missus Garfein, is Charity home from school yet?

--"The Telephone Hour," Bye Bye Birdie

My phone policy for first dates is to give the landline number. Cell phone conversation usually involves a lot of "What was that?" so I prefer when dealing with details of a meeting to ensure clear reception and so, clear understanding, to use a device that involves wall cables.

I was on the first phone call with who shall henceforth be referred to as Zuckuss, and somehow it happened to slip that he had called a landline.

"But-but-but-what if someone else had picked up the phone?" the self-professed suave lawyer stammered in terror.

"That's what caller ID is for," I replied. 

After I hung up, I thought: Would it really be so terrible if someone else picked up the phone? Would it be so hard to say, "Hello, can I speak to Lea, please?" You're a professional, as you said repeatedly; calling people is kinda part of your job. This shouldn't warrant the same reaction as ending up in a cave with a Wampa.

Carbonite In Your Cola

Luke was in the market for a new ice tray. He decided on this one: Kotobukiya Star Wars: Han Solo in Carbonite Silicon Tray. 

Also can be used for chocolate molds. 

I think I have to get me one. 

Also available in R2-D2, Darth Vader head, Stormtrooper head, Millenium Falcon, and X-Wing Fighter (the last four on various sites). 

Must . .  resist . . . Lightsaber Chopsticks . . .

Fashionable, But Not Frivolous

In the local paper's "Dear Abby," a woman wrote in fretting that her tomboy daughter would be unwanted by men. "Abby" reassured her that not all men are interested in stylish but useless women. 

She didn't exactly say "useless." She said that such women would be unwilling to get their hands dirty.

Oh? 

While she may have just said that to calm down a frantic mother, I was still insulted, on my behalf and that of my fellow "frumanistas." 

Every year I assemble the succah, emerging grimy from the bug-ridden garage, my nails cracked, various parts of my anatomy bruised. I refuse the ministrations of a cleaning woman, preferring to scrub my bathroom myself; I have no desire to hire one even when I establish my own household. I am the go-to assembler, knocking office furniture together with a minimum of cursing. I know the difference between Phillips and flat-head, and have used them accordingly. Due to my active aunt-ness, I have cleaned up frightening messes and disposed of particularly nasty diapers and bathed plenty of splashing children and fed cholent-throwing toddlers . . . you get the picture. 

Meaning, I can look like this, too.

It's not like I feel put-upon by this. Each exercise in sweat and dirt leaves me feeling accomplished.

When I was a kid, all I wanted to be was a tomboy. I wished I could climb trees (I'm too chicken), I hungered to be good at sports (my hand-eye coordination is laughable), I craved to cartwheel (I fall like a ton of bricks).

It was not happening. 

For years I was in limbo, gazing longingly at my hoop-shooting classmates who, I failed to notice, also enjoyed fashion. I believed that if I dressed like a tomboy, somehow I would be close enough to the real thing. I then realized (later than most) that I liked makeup, adored clothing shopping, and coveted chic boots. I have a long-held respect for the tomboy, while incapable of being a true member of the club.

There is a family of women whom I admire greatly. They dress attractively funky, their voices are breathlessly girly, they teeter upon the highest of heels, their bright makeup is always perfectly applied.

 Yet these women do difficult chesed like you wouldn't believe. They did my grandmother's tahara, for instance, to name one.

A person has the choice to be as interested in fashion, to whatever extent. But please refrain from categorizing those who are fashionistas as nothing more as idle window dressing. 

We like fashion, yes. But plenty of us can also wield a mop.

Via corbisimages.com

Friends No More

It's a common complaint, one that I read about in Jewish papers or on the blogosphere. 

A friend marries, and "poof"—she disappears.  

Those that are casually sloughed off are angry, after years of a presumably close relationship, complete with killing oneself over wedding shtick and showers.

There is an explanation, beyond simply marriage. 

When one marries and has children (although the age the NY Times attributes this to is the 30s, not the frummie 20s), one is busy with a family. And due to that occupation: 

People approaching 30 — many of them dealing with life changes like marriage and a first child — often tend to feel overwhelmed with responsibility, so they lose patience with less meaningful friends, said Dr. Carol Landau, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Brown University’s medical school. 

It is not that they have dropped all their friends. They drop the ones they don't really feel that close too. 

When I see photos from people's vorts online, I'm thinking: "Really? She has fifteen best friends? I don't think so." 

The article was talking about how to de-friend properly—and I don't mean on Facebook. 

When I was young, there were times I made friendships which I decided I need to extricate myself from. The girl would not be a good influence, for instance, or she used me as an inferior, rather than an equal. 

My path of choice is usually the one of least resistance. I would have various family members answer the door on Shabbos afternoon, claiming I was taking a nap while I ducked behind the couch. 

Very cowardly, I know. And it did lead to supremely painful situations of meeting the other again, while they either glared or looked dolefully at me. Crud. 

Indeed, honesty may not be the best policy, Dr. Landau of Brown said: “Remember that white lies are O.K. in the service of not hurting feelings.”  

It would have been nice if I had this article back then. It suggests that instead of doing it a la the Seinfeld band-aid ("One motion! Right off!") it recommends a gradual easing out. 

The first step before you end a friendship is to consider, very carefully and seriously, if you want to end a particular friendship or if you just want to wind it down,” said Jan Yager, a friendship coach . . . “It will usually be a lot more pleasant to just pull away, and stop sharing as much privileged information.”

The passive approach can work, sort of. Marni Zarr . . . employed it when she decided that a friend she had picked up in parents’ circles was starting to drag her down with her neediness and constant competitiveness. Ms. Zarr gave less of herself in conversations, stopped talking about her feelings, became vaguer about future aspirations.

“I took the route of distancing myself: not immediately answering texts,” she recalled. “I answered the important things, but not the ‘Hey, how are you doing, what’s up tonight?’ ones.”. . . “She went to friends of ours and asked: ‘Do you know what’s going on? Is Marni upset with me?’ ” Ms. Zarr recalled. “The friends just said, ‘Oh no, she’s just really busy.’ I was. Anyone can be busy. But when you really want to have people around, you make time for them, even if it’s a few minutes.”

For the single friends feeling the sting of married rejection: perhaps it is time to reexamine that relationship. While you did do a lot for the "friend," was it asked of you (like shtick and showers)? Was it reasonable? Was it truly a close relationship? Maybe she never was a friend. 

Because if she was, you would not be the hot potato.

Waddya Know? Words Hurt!

First, to get the right mood, check out this cartoon.

I was teased a lot as a child (I was incapable of teasing in return), and I never understood the idiot who came up with that rhyme. Words have such power - to build, to destroy, to certainly able to instigate a sleepless night. 

Sometimes I cannot believe the conversations I overhear. 

"How old is your baby?"

"A year old."

"He's so small." 

I saw the mother blush, clutching her infant, and then, stammering, attempt to explain how his low weight is not her fault. The other woman had already turned away, probably to make someone else feel good about themselves. 

Very often I cannot believe what is said to my face. It seems to be a common phenomenon with singles. 

"While you are 23 now" (this happened a few years back) "soon you'll be 30, so just take any guy and at least you'll have children." No, I kid you not. 

Every time I am in a social setting, my mind races to think back if I said anything that could be construed as hurtful. Thinking before speaking is sometimes difficult when conversation is flying back and forth, and often I am crippled with remorse for years following a ill-thought remark. 

I was explaining to my niece how "no offense" doesn't make a comment any less offensive. She caught on quickly.

 

This Berenstain Bear book describes it well. Brother teases Sister all the time, despite the parents telling him to lay off, and when he in turn gets picked on by Too-Tall and his gang, he realizes how hurtful it really is. 

I heard a rabbi say it well: "Sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can really hurt me."  

"I'm just being honest . . . " 

"Honesty" does not equal "truth." Honesty is simply professing one's (often biased) thoughts - and one's opinions, unless favorable, do not have to be offered unless requested. And even then, honesty is not so necessary.

"Please, be honest, what do you think of this dress? I bought it, and it's final sale. I thought that I love it, but I'm not sure if it is flattering."

Think before you answer. Real hard. Would it really be so terrible if her ego is becalmed by a simple few words? If the answer is "Well . . . " that is enough to ruin her week, while the speaker goes home and doesn't think on it again. 

Embarrassing someone is like murder. So think, "Would they blush if I said it? Would they second-guess themselves?"

"It's lovely."

The Humble Celebrity

David Brooks wrote about the difficulty of being a famous athlete and a religious individual, specifically Jeremy Lin. Spoiler: he quotes Rav Soloveitchik.

Shabbos Face: Prep Those Eyelashes

"Excuse me," she asks hesitantly. 

"Yes?" 

"I hope you don't mind . . . "

"It's alright." 

"Um, are your lashes . . . fake?"

I bat them prettily. 

"Nope."

Let me reassure my audience that I do not, in any way, have particularly magical natural lashes. Elizabeth Taylor may have had a genetic defect that resulted in double rows of lashes (och mer a genetic defect) but I do not. 

They are, as always, achieved with the use of smoke and mirrors. 

How to? 

Primer again!

In this case, lash primer. 

I had recommended to someone lash primer, and she came back to me saying that it didn't work. She said she tried one with primer on one end and mascara on the other. 

So don't use a primer that has mascara on the other end. Get an independent lash primer, free of attached mascara.

My current primer, which I have recently re-purchased, is the Tarte MultiplEYE Lash Enhancing Primer. I'm a sucker for the "we have no poisonous ingredients!" claim, but I noticed on the box, in small letters, is "Do not use if pregnant." Oh. Maybe I'll get another one next time.

Before this one I used Smashbox Layer Lash Primer, which also worked very well. 

Clinique Lash Building Primer is also rated pretty high. 

Dior DiorShow Maximizer Lash Plumping Serum and Primer is the top seller, with the highest rating by users on Sephora.

Liberally apply that white gook, and see how the lashes multiply in size and length. It will bond the mascara to the lashes, ensuring that it doesn't flake over Shabbos. While I may be concerned that my lipcolor or eyeshadow will rub off overnight, I have no worries about mascara. And as I said, mascara is everything!