Meme

I actually did not realize that Solely in Black and White had tagged me for a meme until I was home sick and listlessly sifting through my stat sources after finally watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

I shall pick up the dropped gauntlet.

1. I wish I . . . was a good traveler. I'm a wreck whenever I change time zones. I get pukingly nauseous on JetBlue, so I have to dope up on Dramamine; by the time I arrive I'm more zombie than vacationer. I spend my time harping how tired and miserable I am, and by the last day I finally adjust. I want to be able to fly to Israel without a support staff.

2. My biggest fear . . . Woodbury Commons will get hit by a meteor. Of course that is not my biggest fear, but I'm not going to bare my soul to that extent, even anonymously. 

3. I hate to . . . wait for people. I'm always early (never mind on time) because I don't want to inconvenience others. When they don't show me that same consideration of planning ahead and pacing themselves, then I'm pretty annoyed.

4. I love to . . . read. I read on the train, I read before bed, I read on Shabbos afternoons. There is no greater felicity than reading a really good book, when one savors every page and hopes it will never end. 

5. Today I will . . . rot in bed. I contracted some mysterious ailment that has left my limbs feeling like Jello. It's nice to take a day off and catch up on unwatched films. 

6. Yesterday I . . . was getting sick. Blah. 

7. My hair . . . is lovely, thank God. In general, but not right now. After all, I am diseased. I'm going to have posts on haircare soon. 

8. I will never . . . say "I will never." I really cannot claim to know what I will or will not do in the future, how I will change due to yet-to-be-had experiences. I'd rather not go on record just to be safe.

Battle of the Bulge: Eat Well

We live in a blessed time.

Hunger, at least for Americans, is virtually unknown, and if one does need assistance the government helps. We have kosher supermarkets stocked to the ceiling with every novelty, packed like mainstream junk with oil, salt, and sugar. Dunkin' Donuts is certified kosher in my area. I pass five restaurants on my way home from the train.

The battle for self-control is a hard one in the face of so many temptations.

I'll admit I've had a little boost; when I was little,  Ma stopped buying cookies, rarely purchased a seven-layer, and rugalach were only when the einiklach came. She carefully buys fruit, ensuring they are in season, sweet, and bruise-free. She stopped baking with margarine, and skimps when possible on the oil in her cakes.

Growing up in that environment programmed me in some ways, but still my eating habits left much to be desired. Portion control was beyond me. The double-chin I possessed throughout my tween years melted away after shooting up another foot or so, but still I needed to take charge. I've never had that metabolism that many of my BY classmates possessed, able to consume all species of food without consequences. I started watching myself from a young age.

 

It took over a decade, but from my own experience I think I've worked out a lifestyle to live by. It may not work for everyone else, but I discovered for myself how I can face the fridge without fear.

Step 1: Soyonara, Donuts

When I was 17, I decided: I would only eat good foods.

I ate whenever I felt like it, mind you. But I replaced any processed foods in my life with things that grew from the earth. It takes a training to appreciate and enjoy wholesome, healthy foods.

Goodbye, Stella Doro. Farewell, J2 Pizza. Bon Voyage, Haagen-Dasz.

Since sugar cannot be completely abandoned (after all, I am human), attempt to limit its consumption. Buy ice cream bars instead of tubs, as that way the portion amount is controlled.  Get small snack-sized, individually-wrapped chocolates, not the bars. When buying store bought coffee, order just that: only coffee. No whipped cream or caramel shots.

Check the nutritional facts on sugary delights, and note the portion size of the serving. Try to stick to it. Also, if, per serving, the fat calories are less than half the the calories, then it's an okay treat.

I rarely eat out. The only times I usually do is when meeting a friend or going on a date. Lunch I bring from home to work (if Helena Rubinstein brown-bagged, so can I). The amount of fat and sugar that goes into restaurant food is a mystery; same for what the waiters "add" if they don't like you.

Soon, with gritted teeth and minor cursing, one can train the palette to find processed foods distasteful. I no longer eat store-bought cookies, not because I lash myself to the mast, but because I don't feel good after eating them. Whereas, I feel great after an apple. 

Golden Delicious is my preference (there is a window when they are peak. It's not now. Now hit the nectarines and peaches).

An added bonus - the complexion will be happier too.

Emunah

An article by Rabbi Bentzion Shafier was featured in a locally distributed magazine called Chazaq.

It was about emunah. He was saying that what people do nowadays is decide what they need and daven to Hashem trying to convince Him to give it to them. 

He is definitely on-target there; I think we've all been guilty of that. That's not emunah; emunah is believing that whatever one gets is the best for that individual.

But the examples he brought made me uncomfortable.

One rarely sees the convenient reasons why a request was denied. Difficulties and tragedies happen in life without any seeming cause. It is at times like that when emunah is needed. 

Rabbi Shafier examples: 

1) A guy is begging God for a specific job, and he doesn't get it. He's furious at the injustice of the matter. But after a few months the whole business is outsourced to India. 

My issue: A job could be denied you for other reasons. Maybe the business decided you didn't have the right experience. Maybe you didn't do enough hishtadlus. Maybe a better job is around the corner. There could be other reasons that don't necessarily have to do with it's imminent demise. 

2) A guy wants to marry a specific girl, but she doesn't return the compliment, and ends up marrying someone else. He lashes out at God,  but it turns out that the girl had mental problems. 

My issue: A girl doesn't have to be for you without being mentally unhinged. The two of you could have ended up being miserable together. And let's say this hypothetical girl got married to someone else; he deserved the mentally unstable girl? 

3) A couple really wanted their son to get into a specific class because the rebbe is amazing. He doesn't get in. They are upset, until they find out that there was a boy who would have had a bad influence on him in that class. 

My issue: Children should be taught at an early age how to avoid bad influences. They are around us constantly, and shielding them will achieve nothing. Additionally, since this is a child we're talking about, maybe this son could have been a good influence on this troublemaker. Maybe by him being open and accepting, this boy's behavior could be modified for the better.

True emunah is believing that whatever happens to you is for the best, even if you never see the ending or the reasons why. There are so many potential ramifications, the reasons may not be fully realized for decades or even centuries later.

For instance, consider Rabbi Menashe ben Yisroel (1604-1657).  Since the text says that in the days of Mashiach the Jews will be gathered from the four corners of the world, therefore, he believed there had to be Jews in the four corners of the world. 

Rabbi Menashe ben Yisroel

England had recently undergone a civil war; the monarchy had been abolished and Oliver Cromwell was the ruler. Rabbi Menashe petitioned him to permit Jews to enter England, which would be the first time since the expulsion in 1290. Cromwell did so, but despite Rabbi Menashe's pleas, he would not make it official law. 

Rabbi Menashe was heartbroken that his dream was only partially fulfilled. However . . . 

In 1658 Cromwell died; Charles the II regained the throne in 1660. Cromwell's body was exhumed and decapitated. Every law that he codified was overturned.

Rabbi Menashe was not alive when this occurred. He went to his grave believing defeat. Our disappointments in life do not necessarily conveniently play out in our lifetime. Therefore, emunah is the belief that no matter what happens, no matter what the end result is, I have the belief that this is how it should be.

Meow

I was at a mixed seating simcha on Tatooine.

"How old are you?" asked the married man to my right.

"25."

"Oh, you're young."

"How old are you?" asked the married woman to my left.

"25."

"Oh, you're young."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, "Oh, you're young."

Oh, you're young. 

OH, YOU'RE YOUNG.

My theory debunking the "shidduch crisis" has been proved. 

Supposedly, there is a claim that there is no so-called "shidduch crisis" in countries outside the USA.

And why would it be if not for this?

25 IS YOUNG. 

Meaning, THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME. 

Meaning, I AM NOT A SPINSTER. 

Meaning, CHILL OUT, PEOPLE. 

There's no need to call in the cats yet, ladies. 

A Noble Title

My three-year-old niece suddenly began referring to my mother as "Bàbi Lipstick." 

No coaching! 

Good girl. 

Stating the Obvious

There is a passage from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (by the esteemable and dearly departed Douglas Adams) that I hold dear. 

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right? 

I commiserate with Ford's frustration. 

From a very young age, I've had people saying to me, "You're tall!"

No, really? 

My belief is that if obvious statements, to the opposite extreme, would be hurtful, then it shouldn't be said. Example: 

"Hey, you're short!"

See what I mean? 

I am happy being tall; I love my height, I love being step-stool free, I love the fact that no one messes with me on the subway. It is not about that. 

A statement like "Wow, you're tall!" singles me out, and I'm not sure in what way. Is it good? Is it bad? Why is it even worth mentioning? 

The passage continues:

At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behavior. If human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths would probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. 

Stating the obvious doesn't exactly reflect brilliance. 

"Waddya know, the sky is blue!"

It just gets old, man.

PINK Lips

We all know the story of Snow White; her mother wished for a daughter with skin as white as snow, hair as black as ebony, and lips as red as blood. 

Not lips as brown as bark. Not lips as purple as plum. 

Lips' natural hue is, for the most part, pink. The premise of makeup is to exaggerate pleasing natural features. Therefore, we must conclude that lipstick is supposed to be PINK. 

Plenty of females wear brown or purple lip color. I am aware that there are those that are able to pull it off.  But pulling it off does not mean looking the best possible. The fact is that even those that can wear brown or purple shades should be wearing PINK. Pink, pink, pink. 

According to Chanel’s global creative director of makeup, Peter Philips, who used the color on the catwalks of Jil Sander and Fendi, pink is the easiest lip color to wear. ‘‘It flatters almost everyone,’’ he says. ‘‘If you have a bit of olive in your skin tone, you should go for more bluish pinks. Suntanned girls look great in coral pinks. Ivory-skinned girls and redheads look best in a range of rosewood shades, while dark-complexioned girls often look fantastic with an intense but luminous pink. . . pink lipstick [is] highly versatile.’’ - NY Times Style Magazine, April 12, 2011

As mentioned, pink comes in a variety of different options. There is deep plummy pink, or reddish pink, or Barbie pink, or pale muted pink, to name but a few.

For the truly brave soul, there is red. Red is merely pink taken to the nth degree, so the reasoning is the same.

Each lipstick can react differently to various skin tones, so it has happened that I would ask someone for the lip brand they are wearing only to have it look terrible on me. Experimentation is required. 

I have quite a few pinks, but most of my lipsticks were limited edition or were promptly discontinued as soon as I bought them.  I would recommend applying with a lip brush, especially with vivid colors;  it gives more control and accuracy.

Here are the lipsticks that I own still in circulation:

Illamasqua Lipstick in Drench (a rich, deep pink)  -  I use this one for weddings. I have had no real problems with this brand, but two lipsticks my mother bought inexplicably melted in the holder; 

Tarte Vitamin Core Lipstick in Revive - in my case, it simply enhances the lip, rather than being a strong color  (although it has a tendency to change hues over time, starting off as more intense and then subsiding to perfect lip enhancement). The center of the lipstick is contains vitamin-infused balm. I wear it on weekdays; 

Revlon Matte Lipstick. Stormy Pink, Sky Pink, and Pink Pout are currently the only pinks available.  I haven't tried these shades, but they look as though they have potential.    

The most universally recommended red is very often Matte Mac Lipstick (available at department stores) in Russian Red. 

However, my mother swears by Ruby Woo (she has many red lipsticks piled up, but she only ends up using this one); it is less "blue" than Russian Red, and not as harsh on fair skin. 

Supposedly, Gwen Stefani is a fan of both. 

Another Mac Matte pink shade possibility is Please Me, a pale, muted pink, if one is going for a '60s look.

I will repeat again, one really has to experiment, as lipsticks depend greatly on skin undertones as to which hues will stand out. What looks fabulously pink on one person may look lavender on another. So try them on, and return or exchange if necessary.

Interpersonal Relationships

Rabbi David Fohrman is one of my favorite speakers; I highly recommend his books. He was speaking on Pirkei Avos this past Shabbos, and I just had to tell it over. I've whittled down an hour-long speech into something much shorter, but hopefully all the details are in there. 

א,ו  יהושוע בן פרחיה וניתאי הארבלי קיבלו מהם.  יהושוע בן פרחיה אומר, עשה לך רב, וקנה לך חבר; והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות.

א,ז  ניתאי הארבלי אומר, הרחק משכן רע, ואל תתחבר לרשע; ואל תתייאש מן הפורענות.  

Vov: "Make for yourself a rav" -  Currently, there are only three beings superior to you in the world: One's parents and God. From amongst your peers, select an individual that you aspire to be like, to whom is your ideal. He doesn't necessarily have to be a rabbi; he is your mentor.

"Acquire for yourself a friend" - It sounds almost transactional; "buying" is an uncomfortable term in relationships. But many friendships are based on doing things for each other. 

He brings an example if someone goes to car dealership, and the salesman offers you a coke. Don't take it! Why? Because you'll feel obligated to compensate him for that 35 cent soda in the form of a $35,000 car. Doing things for each other has no price tag in terms of equality; I help you, you help me. 

These verbs, "make," "acquire," are very powerful, active terms, giving a lot of power to the individual. These two major relationships are the ones that anchor a person onto the straight and narrow.

"Judge everyone favorably" - This is how you treat everyone else besides your "anchoring" relationships; Pirkei Avos is not advocating restricting the social life to just these two. For everyone else in the world, the acquaintances, do not judge them. There is a Judge; that is Hashem. We don't play God by judging others.

If the rav or friend somehow fail in their ideal (such as being seen leaving McDonald's with a cheeseburger at 2 am), then a new rav is needed. One's aspiration cannot remain so if they are tarnished, since they are your ideal as a person. (I thought of this quote during the shiur: "Caesar's wife, like Caesar himself, must be above reproach.")

Zayin: "Distance yourself from a bad neighbor" - If someone questionable moves in, don't get too close.

"Do not befriend a rasha" - A rasha is a charismatic character who can easily suck people into his orbit. He is the anti-rav. He is the one who brings you down to the opposite of what you are trying to achieve.

"Do not depair of punishment" - Some people avoid the rasha and bad neighbor, yet see how they sin, and think,  "Why haven't they been punished?" Just because they are not being hit by a bolt of lightning does not mean there is no Judge. Again: There is a Judge. It is just not you.

There are standards, there are rules. One should be aware of those rules. But not by judging others; that is not your job. There is judgment; but it is not done by you, and it will be done even if you cannot see it.

Torah, Avoda, and Gemilus Chassadim: 

The Rav = Torah. 

The Friend = Gemilus Chassadim.

Avodah = Hashem. 

That is how one should relate to the world. 

Shabbos Face: Priming the Skin

It took great experimentation, much research, and spent money. I now bestow upon thee . . . the premiere of Shabbos Face. Bum bum bum bum . . .

Be aware that Shabbos Face can also be synonymous with Simcha Face.

The face must be prepped. Since this face will be on for 25 hours, no errant traces of dirt should be trapped beneath all that makeup. I use an exfoliating scrub in the shower, and before applying the face I give a swish of toner to make sure everything is off. 

Step 1: Primer

Primers give the makeup a smooth base, can fill in wrinkles, and the makeup will last longer. I didn't bother with it until I came across Cover FX Clearprep Matte Foundation Primer and Anti-Acne Treatment. It has salicylic acid, which prevents and treats blemishes, a plus if a Face is going to be on for more than a day (also great for the summer months). 

 Sometimes I feel as though this primer needs to be mellowed a little (like in the winter), as I do have combination skin, and I once got a sample (pays to be a Beauty Insider) of Korres Face Primer. I liked it so much I bought it in full size. This moisturizes the face lightly and pleasantly, and I combine the two.

The most loved primer out there, for those who do not have complicated skin, is Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer. It is highly recommended by practically every "expert" out there, and my mother (the guru) really loves it.  

Stay tuned for another edition of Shabbos Face: Liquid Foundation Returns.

Greedo & Me

Recently I took a trip to . . . well, for anonymous purposes, let us say Tatooine. A close friend of the family who lives there has been begging me for the past five years to go out with this "great guy." I've managed to put her off since he wasn't coming here nor I there, but since I was in town I received a phone call that I would be going out with him on Motzei Shabbos.

This was the first time a date had been arranged for me without previous contact by the other party himself, but I was powerless to resist. I didn't even know his name. 

So I shall tag him here as Greedo, the Rodian bounty hunter that attempts to shoot Han Solo in the cantina but ends up getting blasted instead.  

Shabbos ends really late this time of year in Tatooine (two suns and all). At 11 pm, Greedo pulls up in front of the hotel and honks. Good thing I was waiting in the door (I can't stand to keep people waiting). 

As soon as I saw his face in the window I knew. Greedo and I went out six years ago. 

Damn. 

Of all the natives on Tatooine, I end up with the same one? 

The night did not improve. 

"You're eccentric," he insisted. Eccentric makes one think of someone who wears meat or shows up to an award show in an egg, like Lady Gaga. How about "unique"? Much more flattering.

He went out with my cousin the previous week, and really liked her, to the point he didn't stop mentioning her name. I'm sure you'd rather be with her right now, dude, but you're stuck with me. 

"You make me feel short." I am shorter than him by a few inches.

"I have a cold," he whined. 

"I didn't sleep this afternoon," he grumbled. 

"I have to go the gym in the morning," he hinted. 

Then why are you keeping me out for three hours? I didn't ask for this time slot. 

"You haven't changed at all," he trilled over and over. 

"Neither have you," I eventually responded. He was this charming then, too. 

"I think I have."

Oh?

"I believe I'm more patient now."

So you are nobly putting up with me.

Before this date I was nervous that a move to Tatooine was in my imminent future, so at least I have no worries on that score. 

Zap zap, Greedo.