What a Difference a Shade Makes

It's amazing what you'll buy whilst half-asleep when a sale pops up in your feed. 

To clarify: IT Cosmetics (the website, not through Sephora) was having a 30% OFF SALE. Say whaaaaat? 

I can always use another tube or two of the illuminating cc+ cream, but I had not been happy with the shade of the Bye Bye Under Eye Concealer that I had. 10.5 was too light. I should have known better than to purchase the lightest shade; I'm not that fair. 

I pored over the online swatches, and their hefty descriptions of C, N, and W undertones, and got the 11. 

I wasn't sure how it would go; it was only .5 shade difference, right? 

That .5 makes a BIG difference, y'all. 

Now, the concealer (which has yellow undertones, which I need) blended seamlessly into the cc+ cream, instead of starkly contrasting. I squealed in delight to Han, who was very happy for me. 

The devil is in the details, people.

Mask+Lipstick=FAIL

There was an article about lipstick that lasts under a face mask, and so, excited at the prospect, I purchased two. 

Both were of a style I don't particularly like—liquid lipstick that is applied with an applicator. 

This format has never worked for me. Invariably, there is a blob of product at the end of the wand, which means more ends up in some areas, less in others. Because of this heavy application, it tends to end up outside the environs of my strategically placed lip pencil. 

Meaning, the results don't look very . . . polished. More like an amateur. 

But hey, more than one article recommended them, so I decided to try again. I bought one by Fenty and one by Sephora Collection (there was a sale, you see). 

The Fenty one was not the right shade—too dark—but I decided to wear it anyway under a mask to see what would happen. The only clean one available that day was rather small and hugged my face. Which meant the lipstick went EVERYWHERE. I looked like Nolan's Joker, and I spent five solid minutes attempting to mop up the damage in an office building hallway in front of a mirrored wall while Ben looked on, entertained. (Should I mention I did not realize the damage until I passed said mirror? Meaning PEOPLE saw me like that first?) 

But the Fenty did go on well, and managed to stay somewhat within the pencil. The Sephora option was also too dark, but went on so badly I had to take precious time first trying to fix it with a q-tip, then giving up and reaching for the makeup remover. 

I am not meant for liquid lipstick. Not happening. They both went back to Sephora. 

While masks are back and I miss my lipstick terribly, I am sticking with my standard lipstick and lip brush. And it's also better to go without than to look like Nolan's Joker. Shudder.  

No More Dark Circles?

Continuing my quest to expand my current cosmetic horizons, I decided my concealer game, which is decidedly lame, needed an upgrade. 

As I have mentioned, one genetic bane is my epic dark circles. In previous years, I've tried all the touted concealers, which didn't conceal much—even the sacred Clé de Peau Concealer didn't do the job. 

I therefore concluded that perhaps my circles were uncoverable. 

But, with a Sephora sale, it can't hurt to experiment, right? 

I squinted at the endless options, and decided to try IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye Full Coverage Concealer in 10.5 Light (peering at the swatch online it looked like this shade had yellow undertones, which is what I have). I selected IT for a few reasons: it says it's for under eye, and it comes in a tube, not with an applicator like most concealers do. I don't want an applicator constantly touching my face then contaminating the rest of the product. 

Initial reaction: WOW. This stuff COVERS. All you need is a pinprick (I am not exaggerating) of product and it really COVERS. And brightens! 

The texture is thick and tacky, and is supposed to be warmed by the fingertips. While I should probably apply it by bouncing it on with a makeup sponge, that's too much work for a standard weekday morning; I tap it on with my ring finger to spread it on, then set it with my regular translucent setting powder. 

Until now, I thought I had to use color corrector and top that with concealer, but with one product I can do both!

I think that IT's a keeper!  

Now, it's not a perfect solution. It probably needs more patience and time in application that I don't give it. But its pros outway cons.

There are products better than Clé de Peau? Ma wouldn't believe it.  

Expanding My Mind . . . or Makeup

Between Ma and I, I used to be a Sephora VIB Rouge member (that meant I spent a small fortune during their sales). But hey, I was unmarried and had few hobbies. Plus Ma really liked the Algenist eye serum. 

With marriage, Ben's arrival, and COVID, my makeup spending shrank to . . . nothing. I had stockpiles of makeup to last me through. 

I stopped researching products. I stopped researching application methods. I was focused on other things now, like sleep. 

But as COVID masks came off, and family simchas began again, I started to feel the loss. I still loved makeup. I still wanted to wear it. But I felt a little . . . outdated. 

I've always believed that you can't get complacent. If you don't learn anything new, you regress into ignorance. The new TorahAnytime app has been a delight. My phone is chock full of bookmarked recipes that sometimes work, but mostly don't. I don't mind the failures. I exult in the new discoveries.

My under eye lining, for instance, is in sad need of improvement. I like a nice swath of black liner along my lower lash. But because I need like ten layers of concealer, the liner tends to run. Not cool. 

It's hard to find tutorials about such a subject, because most focus on dark circle concealing only, or lining the lower lash, but not both. So it takes some time to stumble across the right literature and guidance. 

I dipped my toe in, and found an interesting suggestion: When setting undereye concealer, don't swipe; press the powder in with the brush instead. 

Ah! Not a total solution yet, but progress.

Then, I came across an article about lipsticks that stay on under masks. Yay! 

So when Sephora had their sales recently, I cheerfully purchased some oldies and some new goodies too. Which I will try, and then return if needed.

I'm still a frumanista, ha ha ha. 

Five Minute Face as Shabbos Face

 In my single years, I was a regular shul goer. Nearly every week, I would spend precious minutes before lechtzin hair styling and makeup applying. 

Now, that makeup routine was serious stuff. It was practically bullet proof. 

With Ben's arrival, however, the previous enjoyment of shul waned. When he was tiny, being up at night with him meant I stayed in bed in the morning. When he got older, and COVID became less worrisome, he would whine and complain while I struggled to get dressed, then he continued to whine and complain while I struggled to get him dressed, and by the time I finally made it out the door we were both sweaty and tired. 

When I would arrive at shul, he would refuse to go to groups, and after having my own davening disturbed too many times by youngsters I would refuse to bring him in, hovering outdoors and feeling rather stupid. If Han insisted on taking him in, I spent the time wincing whenever he emitted a peep. 

Or, if I didn't time it right, I would have spent all that effort getting it together to find shul is over and I got dressed and ready just to walk Han home. 

Blah. 

I decided instead that I would spend Shabbos morning going for a leisurely walk. I can't do that in the afternoon lest Ben dozes off in the stroller and is then unable to sleep at night. So morning it is. 

Well, do I really need a bulletproof Face just for a walk? When I'm wearing sunglasses? Through a pretty deserted route? 

Enter weekday Five Minute Face. 

Surprisingly, the above stays on rather well through Shabbos morning, giving my ego the slight boost it needs to be seen by strangers in public. When it fades (when you have a toddler, it will fade) it does so gradually, not patchily. Which is nice.

Lipstick will need to be of clingier stuff, though. A long wearing one.

Makeup doesn't have to be all or nothing. There's plenty of room in between. 

Five Minute Face

Nowadays, I don't have much time in the mornings to apply serious Face. If I do, I try to up things with my eyes, as that is what is usually neglected. But here's my new basic routine, which manages to still get me compliments from the nice lady in Costco who checks my receipt by the door. 

We begin: 

1) I clean my face with Thayer's Witch Hazel and Aloe Astringent and a cotton round;

2) I apply a Vitamin C serum. I wait until it's been absorbed (I spend the time climbing into some clothing);

3) I then shmear on IT Cosmetics CC+ Cream Illumination. This version has a sheen that makes me glowy. I've noticed as I'm getting older that my skin gets less oily so I need less powder-based products; 

4) Concealer for my monster dark circles (between genetics and exhaustion, I need it!) I apply two products. First, is a cream based color corrector. I'm currently using up one by Cover FX that I don't even think is being carried anymore by Sephora, but in any case my previous one, by Bobbi Brown (Under Eye Corrector), I liked better;

5) I have to set this cream corrector or else it settles in unpleasantly. I use the Bare Minerals Broad Spectrum Concealer in Well Rested; 

6) Mascara, preferably two coats. I'm still fond of the Tarte Gifted Amazonian Clay Smart Mascara, but I haven't researched anything new in a while. Sometimes I use the Dior Diorshow Maximizer 3D Triple Volume Plumping Lash Primer underneath; 

7) A swipe of Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Dollface; 

8) I set everything with loose powder. I'm currently using one up that I bought in desperation in the drugstore. But I find most loose translucent powders to be the same in performance; 

9) I fill in my brows with Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Brow Pencil in Taupe. I've tried a number over the years and it's my favorite. It matches my brows so well and gives excellent definition. I apply it after powder as it doesn't go on so well on freshly cced skin; 

8) LIPSTICK! I can finally wear some! I'm still working through my mother's stockpile (I know that sounds grisly but she had a major lipstick obsession and was constantly trying new colors and some of them are da bomb). I begin with lip lining, using Make Up For Ever Aqua Lip Waterproof Lipliner Pencil (I've used a number of pencils and I do like this one as it glides on, instead of struggling); 

9) So my lipstick of choice is rather random at the moment, currently using up a discontinued lippy by Bite Beauty. It's too satin for me, but I blot it to get the finish I want. I prefer more longer lasting options on the matte spectrum.

OK, does this take five minutes? Well, it could go a little over. But if I'm pressed for time I can always skip eyebrows or lipstick.

Don't Panic.

Cosmetics can be brutal. After spending sweat, blood, and tears trying to find the right product, it can be discontinued *finger snap* like that. 

That used to terrify me. So when I came across something I really liked, I would wait for the 20% Sephora sales and HOARD. 

Ma would tell me not to. "Something else always comes along," she insisted, but I refused to believe her. 

Now that HOARD has come to bite me in the keester. 

Back in, ahem, 2012 *cringe* I was smitten with The Sephora Collection Mineral Foundation Compact. So when it was heavily reduced in price, meaning it would be soon saying "adios," I quickly pounced and amassed a stockpile. 

Which I no longer have any use for. 

Because the IT Cosmetics CC+ Cream blows everything else out of the water! With the compact, I would have to apply sunscreen underneath, and then it would be a struggle to powder in the foundation on top—the application would be uneven and would pill. Then it wears off in alarming patches. (This I relearned after trying it again recently.) 

The IT has EVERYTHING. SPF. Coverage. Just the right level of moisturizing (not too much and not too little). If I set it with powder, I don't get greasy. It's beautiful. 

So now I'm sitting on a pile of fool's gold. 

When Han freaks that a product might get discontinued and we must HOARD, I hide his credit card. I have learned my lesson.

Ah, to be CLEAN

I am currently without a favorite cleanser. 

My former favorite—and it is perhaps still, my favorite in my heart—was the Giovanni D:TOX System Purifying Facial Cleanser. It was a flattering shade of black from the activated charcoal. 

A few months ago, the bathroom sink was giving us problems. Han happens to be handy, and took off the bottom of the pipe. What slid out was horrifying. A solid, gloppy mass of—black. Uh oh. 

Han did a little research, and discovered that activated charcoal is not water soluble. Meaning, it does not dissolve merrily away in water, but apparently forms an actual mass in the pipes. Yaaaaaaay. 

The two cleansers that I purchased so far are pleasant, but they don't do the job of actually cleansing my face. I would wipe it off in the towel afterward, only to have the towel turn beige from cc cream. Ew. 

Until I can find a competent cleanser, I need a backup to ensure I'm actually going to bed with a clean face. So I bought in Costco (it was on sale!) Neutrogena Ultra-Soft Makeup Remover Wipes, which take everything off (I use their eye makeup remover for the eye area—I don't like to rub my eyes with wipes). 

One can see on the wipe that it gets everything. I do cleanse again, to remove any residue, and then I cream up accordingly.

For Five Minutes, Own the World

There is a store I don't like to go into. The owner is a grump, and snaps at me. 

I would usually just take my business elsewhere, but only his establishment offers the service that I require. So I unwillingly enter. 

The other day, as I girded my loins for crabbiness, I was surprised to discover that the owner was, in fact, almost pleasant. I was shocked. 

Then I went, "Ooooooooh, of course." 

With mask restrictions mostly lifted, I've begun applying the Face again, as much as Ben allows. Five Minute Face: cc cream, undereye concealer, mascara, blush, lipstick (in this case, red). 

I've forgotten the lovely customer service I get when I'm thus painted. It makes so many interactions easier.

Still One of My Favorite Things

Motherhood, then covid, blunted my makeup knowledge. I feel rather behind the times, clueless as to what deliciousness has hit the market in recent years. 

But I am a firm believer in beloved basics. Ma lived in Mac's Ruby Woo matte lipstick, which has been around for TWENTY TWO YEARS. Long may it reign. 

I have been rhapsodizing about IT Cosmetics CC+ Creams for a few years already, and now that I'm vaccinated I've been finally applying it again after a year. 

And you know what? It's still got it, baby! 

 

A 60-year-old woman, who is more tentative in her makeup than I am, bought it on my fierce recommendation. The first time she wore it, she met a friend: 

Friend: Wow! You look great! Did you have work done? 

IT Wearer: Um, nooooooo . . . 

It was only when she and her friend had parted ways that she realized she was wearing the IT Cream.

My (favorite) niece is not into makeup. But when she stopped by, she asked me about moisturizers and what to wear on her face during the day. I have her a list of instructions, along with an order to buy the Oil-Free Matte version of the IT Cream. 

"See?" I said, motioning to my own face. "It provides more coverage than tinted moisturizers, and while it moisturizes, it's not as rich and heavy as the tinted moisturizers—they made me too greasy." 

"Foundation makes me break out," my niece said. 

"This shouldn't make you break out," I assured her, "but you'll have enough coverage that it looks like you're wearing foundation." 

"Hmmmm." She peered at my skin with interest. Hope bubbled in my chest, but I decided not to push it. 

So, yes, I'm still recommending it. No, they aren't paying me. Yet.

Gander vs. Goose

 A little something from Luke. Yeah, there's no difference except for the packaging.

I Know We'll Meet Again

I haven't put on lipstick since March. 

I don't know who I am anymore.  

I would put on lipstick if I could. But with a mask, it would end up all over my face. Same with foundation/cc+ cream. 

And in fun other news, I'm getting some seeeeerious maskne. The kind that has Luke pointing and going "Ha ha!" and has Han tenderly dabbing my face with Mario Badescu Drying Lotion (which he found reduced in Nordstrom Rack, score!) Oddly enough, this breakout started when I began to actually wash my masks with regularity. Sigh. 

What does one do when a good chunk of their identity and image is tied to "War Paint"? OK, I still do my eyes, but I'm usually behind sunglasses, so the effect is sort of lost. (I never figured out the difference between "effect" and "affect." I should look into that.) 

Ben loved my makeup, once upon a time. He'd coo happily to see my Face. Will he know who I am, when this is over? It reminds me of the time Ma had the flu and didn't go out for a month. When she finally was able to go out again, her Face threw me off. 

But I think Corona has made all of us reconsider our identities in certain ways. I always thought I'd be fine with a life of hermitude, but now that I'm here it's getting rather old. 

I do believe I'll be reunited with my lipstick hoard again. When I'll buff my punim with long-wearing foundation. When—mmmm—I can get my eyebrows threaded.

And if Mashiach is there too, nuch besser. 

Eye Makeup Remover is Serious Stuff

Once upon a time, when Sephora would have their 20% off events, I would stock up on enough makeup to last me quite some time. So it was only a few months ago that I noticed I was on my last bottle of Philosophy Just Release Me eye makeup remover. 

I moseyed over to the internet to find my baby, only to discover that it had been discontinued. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Before you pat me on the back in a comforting fashion, bear in mind it took me forever to find Just Release Me in the first place. The usual favorite, by Lancome, left behind a greasy residue (in my mind). Every other product I tried merely smeared the mascara into racoon circles around my eyes, as opposed to removing it. 

I researched "dupe" frantically, and found an obscure post on an obscure blog claiming that they, too, panicked at the disappearance of Just Release Me, but found that the eye makeup remover by Neutrogena was an excellent replacement. It even had the same ingredients, the blogger wrote. 

I was dubious, as I had tried nearly every drugstore eye makeup remover already and they were disappointing. But, I tend to believe everyone's recommendations so I thought I'd give it a whirl. 

And . . . she was right! 

So, while I feel slightly stupid for paying so much over these past who knows how many years, I am thankful I do not have to rub my eyes into an early wrinkly future. Shiver.

Shabbos Lashes

Three day yuntif. For a makeup lover like myself, cue the 😱 emoji. I love yuntif! But keeping on mascara for three days is quite daunting.

In my younger, pre-baby days, keeping makeup on for so long was a challenge I was amenable to tackle. But I now cherish sleep to the point that I just want to bury my face into a pillow and pass out after a 2 am feeding.

I still, however, want to go out in public with my dignity intact.

A few years back I heard of magnetized false lashes. The lashes attach with magnets, so they can be applied and removed and reapplied on Shabbos. As I  am armed with Shabbos makeup, mascara is the only chink in my armor.

So this past Shabbos I gave it a trial run. I purchased a set by Lash’d Up on Amazon called "I Woke Up This Way," and after a few tries, managed to somewhat successfully apply them. They aren’t too dramatic - my mascara is usually more over the top - and with Shabbos eyeliner I was able to make it look more blended with the lash line. 

Because they are magnetized, you can’t use metal tweezers to get them on. I think I will look for plastic ones to assist.

So after a bleary night with baby, I was able to take my eyes from bare to smoky on Shabbos, with lashes!

The Messiah cometh!

The Repurchased! VI

• It Cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC+ Illumination Cream with SPF 50 in Fair Light  

I am madly, passionately, violently in love with this product. It has coverage like foundation, but feels infinitely more nourishing. It swipes easily into the skin with my fingertips, blurring imperfections without heaviness. 

The "Illumination" means that there's a subtle sparkly sheen; now, you know me, I'm usually loyal to matte. It is available in a non-sparkly version which I had bought initially, but Ta commented that my skin was glowing while wearing the illumination version. So I can compromise on my principles every so often. 

While it does proclaim "SPF 50," I do not feel my skin is protected enough with the thin layer I apply, so I use an additional SPF lotion beneath it. 

Originally, it was only available in Fair and Light, so I mixed the two. They have added more shades since, including a Fair Light which matches me perfectly. 

• Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Dollface

I'm a big believer that cheeks should be buffed pink (and not bronzed), and this is an ideal shade for me. I made mistakes in the past where my blush was too strong a fuchsia.

The color is also buildable; I apply less on weekdays than I do on erev Shabbos (I also use it for Shabbos Face). I believe it's matte, or at least very close to.

• Bare Minerals Mineral Veil Setting Powder in Mineral Veil

My daily Face involves vitamin c serum, then a layer of liquid SPF, which is topped with the above CC; by the time I'm done, my Face looks rather shiny, as though the whole edifice can slide right off. 

A dusting of this, and everything is set, the whole day. Shininess is gone, and stays gone. I don't need my blotting sheets anymore!

Let Girls Be Girls Any Way

When I was a kid, I officially did not want to be a "girlie girl." The books I read always had boyish heroines who played sports and climbed trees. I actually suck at sports—Ma despaired of my inability to catch a ball, unlike her—and I didn't really understand the need to climb a tree. 

Also, to my detriment, I had a weakness for Barbies—but I will contend that to this day, I have an aversion for the color pink. 

I tried my best to be a tomboy in every other way, which meant wearing my brothers' outgrown sweatshirts as casual attire. I was so lame. 

I refused to wear makeup to Luke's wedding, when I was 15. That would definitely make me a girly girl! Although my gown was magnificent and I had flowers in my hair and sparkling jewelry. Eye pencil drew my imaginary, arbitrary line. 

At some point, I stopped fighting. Sephora was calling to me. Clothing that fit was calling to me. Pretty shoes were calling to me. 

I was reminded of my evolution by this article, "Like Tomboys and Hate Girlie Girls? That's Sexist." The author, a feminist that also used to eschew "girlieness," now finds herself stumped by a 6-year-old that loves pink, Barbies, and froo-froos. She realized that by welcoming her older daughter's tomboyish tendencies, she was still valuing masculinity over femininity. 

Via AlexandraJustineChapman

Additionally, there are plenty of (straight) men who have what could be considered feminine qualities (like a fondness for hand cream), for which they have been mocked. 

As the author, Lisa Davis, explains, makeup is not about being alluring to men. If anything, the majority of my dates found my Face horrific. Rather, it is a "fun and creative form of self-expression."

Especially since the arrival of a number of "girlie girl" nieces, as well as others who are not, I've comprehended there is no right or wrong way to be a girl. As long as "like, whateverrrrrrr" is not part of their lexicon.

The Repurchased! V, Eyes

I was shocked that I haven't done one of these in a long while. Well, no time like now, when I've recently restocked during Sephora's annual November sale. 

• Diorshow Iconic Overcurl Mascara in Black

This puppy alone gives monster lashes; applied with the Maximizer, then followed by two coats, leaves one devastating. I've tried the other versions of Diorshow but only this one stole my heart.

However, it is not a good option for Shabbos Face. It clumps if it comes in contact with a pillow. 

• Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Pencil in Perversion

I'll admit, it took me time to warm to this product, even though everyone loves it. 

I recently became further enamored because unlike my previous eye pencil love, this one does not diminish in creaminess and pigment no matter how long I've had this unpackaged. Creaminess means less tugging when applying (I buff it in with an eyeliner smudge brush), and pigment means it stays the same deep black always. 

• L.A. Minerals Just Peachy Mineral Concealer

Whilst called a "concealer," I treat it like a "color corrector." As I have repeatedly mentioned, I have monster, epic, terrifying dark circles. Concealer alone usually leaves the area looking gray. 

The peach tone in this powder neutralizes the purple of the circles, and then I apply the concealer on top. (I've been using powder concealers as cream ones tend to make my eyeliner smudge horrifically.)

Told Ya

My sister isn't as obsessed with makeup as I am. But I'm managing to corrupt her, bit by bit. 

After a shopping outing when I made a point to reapply my lipstick (with a lip brush), she texted me a few days later that she did the same before taking the car to the mechanic. 

"Everyone is so nice," she noticed. 

Yuuuuuuuup. 

Powder to Correct and to Conceal

This was a usual scene following a date with Han: 

I breezily floated through the door, thinking, "At least my makeup was on point." Trotting blithely to the mirror to brush my teeth, the record needle scratched. 

My eye pencil had . . . migrated. Downward. Oh frack. I looked like this all night? The humiliation!

Well, maybe not this bad.

For years, my eyeliner did what it was told. I didn't understand what had changed. Was it my color corrector that I had fallen in love with? Was it making the territory under my eyes to greasy?

I tried applying lid primer. I tried setting the color corrector with the concealer powder. Nothing doing. 

"That it!" I wailed, as my pencil smudged yet again. "I'm done with eyeliner!"

The next morning I picked it up again. I love it so. And we used to get along so well. What changed? 

I don't know. But then I bought a color corrector powder. I then top it when with my trusty concealer powder. Then I apply the pencil on top.     

Success! 

Rewind: What is the purpose of color corrector? I have TERRIFYING dark circles. Like, zombie quality. Concealer alone simply mutes it to an unappealing shade of gray. Color corrector in peachy shades neutralizes the purple, then the concealer on top looks more like my skin tone. 

I still prefer the finish of the cream correctors and concealers, but we can't have it all.

Fear the Face

I don't usually read interviews with drag queens, but sometimes one is desperate during breakfast and the magazine was lying there: 

Q:There’s something interesting about your drag, which highlights how femininity is very unthreatening up to a certain point, but then it becomes terrifying if there’s too much of it.

A: It’s sort of like when you go to Sephora. When I worked in makeup, I learned that if you were a girl, and you were at work, and you looked great, customers almost expect you to be mean. They’re scared of you. 

I find it funny how people think my fascination with makeup means I'm overtly feminine and girly. I'm not. I spent my youth wishing I had the hand-eye coordination, reflexes, and basic interest in sports to be a tomboy. 

I fought makeup (and Ma's wheedling) until I entered my 20s. It was then I slowly accumulated and gradually slathered on, in gradual layers, what I have previously referred to as "war paint." 

People may mistakenly think that makeup is about ensnaring men. Oh no no. Many men (many many men) found my Face disconcerting. 

Terrifying, even. 

That's the way I like it. Muahahahaha. 

Some mornings I think, "I'm just running out for five minutes, no need to apply any Face." You would not believe how I am disrespected. On the road. While driving.

When I have a bold lip? I'm surrounded by meek cars.

I read an article a few years ago by a bitter woman complaining that once she and her friend entered their 50s, they don't get respect no more. Waiters ignore them (when they are loudly drunk). Oh, the travails of ageism and sexism. 

I asked Ma if she ever felt like that. "Never," she asserted, wielding her eyeshadow brush. She was in her 60s then. 

I like being feared. I don't get any flack on the subway or the city streets. Salespeople are deferential to my "leave me alone" demeanor. Checkout girls don't bruise my fruit. Little children are fascinated, from a devout distance. (I suppose it does help that I pair my goop with the "touch-me-and-you-die" Face.)

Then, if I so choose, I can allow my sunny disposition to shine through my mask, and put the other at ease. I find it's better to start with respect then ease into camaraderie, as opposed to being underestimated then grappling for lost footing. Few people will retroactively respect you. It has to be established from the beginning. 

It all begins with mascara. Two coats, minimum.