Interview Me

It really annoys me when people say things like "Looking for a spouse is like looking for a job. That's why your resume should be up-to-date with a good photo attached."  

Really? I'm job hunting?  

When one seeks a job, one coweringly enters an office, praying that the person in the big chair won't be too hard on them. 

"Job interview" already has connotations of a one-sided relationship; the all-powerful vs. the eager-to-please intern. 

I am not seeking a boss. I am seeking a bashert.

I can't stand the term "resume." Bad4 feels the same way, and I quote: "It's not a farshtinkener resume! It's a profile!"  

My photo? Really? What employer would insist on that? If he doesn't want to get hit with a discrimination suit, he better be open to other qualities. 

Please, let him judge me on shallow grounds alone. We are constantly hocked to give people a chance; not letting one have a conversation first to throw physical attributes in a whole new light is not exactly fair. If he wants to see what I look like before he'll spring for coffee, he's more than welcome to pick up a girl that suits his fantasies in Starbucks. 

We like to think about emotions such as "love" or "devotion" or "I saw her/him and knew." By boiling down our relationship status to a piece of paper we are stripping this whole enterprise of any warm feelings; only cold, clinical stats. 

I love Data, but I don't want to marry him. "Query: Why is there no mention of camps attended?"  

"Because I couldn't stand camp. I have no ruach."  

"Processing." (This takes a mili-second). "Elaborate as to why you abstained from this activity, whereas all other humans partake of such past-times."

Data's problem was that he tended to pigeonhole. 

Yaakov saw Rochel from afar and he was smitten with her looks. Then he loved her soul for how she treated the livestock. I am not going to announce all of my facets on a piece of paper. 

The mystery, honey, gets discovered in time. But in order to do that, buy a girl a coke.

Shabbos Face: Not Just for Shabbos?

Now, I thought it was only us frummies who were concerned with keeping makeup on for 25+ hours. However, this article testifies to the author's love of overnight Face.

She lists a number of long-wearing products from Revlon, L'Oreal, Maybelline, and Covergirl; I have found that drugstore cosmetics offer these rather than department store brands.

Ma's mascara "method" is also referenced: 

Mascara should be a strictly cumulative affair, if you ask me; it’s so much better after two or three days’ worth of top coats.

2-3 days? Child's play. I think Ma's mascara has never come off until that time she came down with flu and was bed-ridden for weeks. She washes her face every night around the lashes. 

The good thing is, even if part of the Face wears off, those leftover details provide enough to enhance and pretty-fy. At least I'll tell myself that when my lipstick finally hits the road on the third day of yontif.

DYO French Nails

With support from ZP, I tackled french nails—and emerged somewhat successful, using polishes already available in my own home. 

• Orly Nail Polish in French Manicure for the tips. 

I'm not a fan of the brush, which is the same thickness of a regular nail polish brush. To paint on tips, I painted them on sideways, in a long (and somewhat neat) line.

• For the overall color, Essie My Private Cabana.

It gives my nails a rich, healthy, yet sheer pink, and I applied two coats before doing the tips. Technically tips are usually done in between color coats, but the polish has such a pink hue that it would taint the whiteness.

Ooh, classy!

Now for my second try, after finding:

• Milani Nail Art in White Canvas 704 at my local CVS: 

I had been searching for a long while for a white nail art polish since the brush is much thinner as compared to standard polish brushes. I wanted to see what sort of accuracy it would provide.

• For nail color I used Essie Spaghetti Strap. Still distinctly pink, it is paler than my previous selection. 

How did the Milani work out? Pretty well. Because the brush is much thinner I was able to get more technical in hard-to-reach areas. My left hand, however, wasn't very steady, but with practice I should improve. 

By my third try, the tips were much more even and accurate. Any boo-boos I tweaked with a nail art dot tool.

Battle of the Bulge: No Munching After Hours

Eating late is a cardinal sin of the bulge battle. 

According to the above linked article, organs have a "clock," times when they are operational and times when they rest. Eating late throws them off whack, making them very testy indeed. 

Even if one is not reaching for junk food, the body simply is not meant to digest at that hour. The researchers noticed that those (okay, mice) who ate whenever they wanted, even though they consumed the same amount of calories as the meal-eaters, gained weight. 

Tam Fry of the National Obesity Forum said: "There’s a pattern, which you should build up from childhood, of three set meals a day."

Additionally, I once heard it explained that when one goes to bed after eating, the body has to divert all that energy to digestion, so one's sleep is not as rejuvenating as it should be.

It is also a lot of fun to go to bed on an empty-ish stomach.  

Engageable

There was once a very silly short story in a Jewish periodical about a single girl who asked her married friend to set her up with a chavrusa of the husband. The married friend, deciding to remain blissfully unaware, didn't follow up. 

The chavrusa got engaged to someone else, and the married friend was stricken with terrible remorse. 

The end. 

Huh?

After a couple gets engaged, sometimes single girls or their mothers say things like "I was supposed to go out with him next," or "He was redt for me." 

There seems to be some sort of weird assumption that if a guy proposes marriage, it doesn't really matter to whom he is proposing. Meaning, he decided to get himself an ol' ball and chain, and whichever girl was there at the time is the object of his spousal hopes.  

I have this J.D.-like (Scrubs) visualization that a guy gets down on one knee, and while he's fumbling with the box another girl comes barreling out from nearby bushes, shoves the other female out of sight, and then sticks her proffered hand under his nose for the bling while he, apparently, doesn't notice a difference.  

It didn't quite work out that way for the original Leah. 

If only he had gone out with me, these women seem to be thinking, I would be the one getting married. 

Um, they do realize it has something to do with that specific female, right? And who knows? Maybe you wouldn't have liked him anyhow.  

Counting Sheep

He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. he has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him a spinal cord would surely suffice. — Albert Einstein

"Why did you take apart my room!?!"

She stands there, attempting to look contrite. My dear niece, and also the biggest pain in the—

"It was his idea," she says with accusing finger, pointing to her cousin, my dear nephew, an even bigger pain in the—

"I. DON'T. CARE. You have a mind. You knew it was wrong. I don't care whose idea it was!"

I never understood the "herd" excuse as justification for bad behavior. 

I know that I am not immune. Someone makes a comment and I laugh, because everyone else is guffawing even though it isn't very nice. But if accused, I couldn't say, "Everyone else was laughing so . . . " So . . . what? It makes it okay? 

My niece has always sought her cousin's company, and went along with his schemes to gain non-existent favor. Choosing to exercise bechira for "evil" is still bechira. It isn't an exemption to free will.

Every time I open the newspaper there are articles claiming how we are not responsible for our own behavior. All of our responses can be filed away under "not-my-fault" whether it be due to major cognitive issues to the fact that I didn't have lunch yet.

I was stunned to read in a Jewish periodical a first-person of a young couple that got into serious debt. After mindlessly spending and ending up thousands in the hole, he buys (yes, another purchase!) a finance book that has this amazing concept: Individual responsibility. Wow! Never heard of it before!

Dear God! 

We were the people that invented "individual responsibility"! How did we come to this, not even cognizant that the more money I spend will mean the less money I have?

Psychopathy, it seems can be diagnosed in childhood. However, according to long-term studies, that is not a life-sentence. 

 . . . Those studies revealed two things. The first was that nearly every psychopathic adult was deeply antisocial as a child. The second was that almost 50 percent of children who scored high on measures of antisocial qualities did not go on to become psychopathic adults. Early test scores, in other words, were necessary but not sufficient in predicting who ultimately became a violent criminal . . . That gap is what gives researchers hope. If a genetic predisposition to psychopathy is a risk factor, the logic goes, that risk might be mitigated by environmental influences — the same way that diet can be used to lower an inherited risk for heart disease. 

This should not be a surprising concept to us. We know of the strength of the human mind and will. We can overcome the unpleasantness within ourselves. And if we don't, we aren't getting a free pass.  

TM, I Have Not Forgotten Thee

There is a branch of makeup that I am woefully neglecting, despite the fact that I owe so much to it. Tinted moisturizer was my best friend for so long, and because of one bad experience I have cast it aside. Well, no more. 

Tinted moisturizer is great for those who need light coverage, just enough to conceal minor skin issues, letting the natural beauty of the skin to shine through. 

The way I typically wear it is underneath mineral makeup, as it provides some moisture which my combination skin needs and a slight amount of coverage. 

The first one to come out with a tinted moisturizer was Laura Mercier. For years I only used hers, only I seemed to be clueless that it didn't match my face at all. I had really liked one by Kiss My Face, even though it had barely any SPF, but they seem to have phased it out. Then was Hourglass, which was the first of anything to match me perfectly, however it glittered and left my skin shiny in no time. 

So for a while I dabbled strictly in foundations, both liquid and mineral, but no joy there yet. Now to go home again.

1) Bobbi Brown SPF 15 Tinted Moisturizer Oil Free. I bought it in Extra Light. What I was surprised by was how it didn't, well, moisturize. It dried to tight matte-ness.

It's easy to apply, and leaves a lovely finish without much work. But it doesn't moisturize at all, and while I don't need much I need some. It was returned. 

2) Miracle Skin Transformer SPF 20. This probably falls into the new category of "BB Cream" as well as Tinted Moisturizer. It claims to do amazing things for the skin, specifically "A five-in-one formula designed to hydrate, prime, enhance, mattify, and protect your skin in a single step." It claims that it will fix skin, reversing damage, make the face look divine. 

I purchased it in "Light" the fairest available shade. While it may claim to perfect my skin, it doesn't do at least one thing it says it does, which is mattify. My skin was shiny immediately. Well, at least it's a good moisturizer. 

As for coverage, zippo. Supposedly it can be built up, but no matter how much I applied nothing was concealed. While all the claims of skincare should thrill me, it does not do what I need it to. Farewell. 

3) Nars Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer SPF 30 / PA+++ has no parabens, is non-comedogenic, has fabulous sun protection, plus it claims to transform the health of skin. Just reading their description made my mouth water. 

When it first came out it was so in-demand that it was sold out of Sephora for months. I would regularly check the website, but I was constantly hit with "not in stock" messages. Finally it became available, and I feverishly purchased it. 

The claims:

Infused with lush, naturally derived ingredients, this lightweight tinted moisturizer immediately helps thirsty skin feel hydrated. It has been proven to help reduce the appearance of discoloration and dark spots caused by hyper pigmentation for a clearer and brighter complexion in just four weeks. Oil-free and luxurious, it obscures the appearance of lines, wrinkles, pores and other imperfections. SPF 30/ PA+++ adds a translucent veil of protection . . .  This dermatologist-tested product is free of oil, synthetic fragrances and is non-comedogenic.

My, my. Do you do dishes as well?

I got the lightest shade, Finland, which I can say matches pretty well, since it is miraculously sheer enough to allow my own skintone to shine through, while covering up redness and discoloration. It's very light, blends easily, doesn't feel heavy at all.

Now that it's summer, I don't use it much since my skin doesn't need the moisture; I'll end up using it more in the winter. But I tap it lightly around my eye area to protect the skin there before applying the rest of my makeup. It doesn't sting the way my regular SPF does there, and it keeps on eyeshadow very well. 

(Sigh of contentment). Let the honeymoon begin.

Battle of the Bulge: No Snacking

I did not realize to what extent, until I read this article, how snacking is a basis for childhood. 

For both morning and afternoon recess, children are armed with snacks. Whenever I take kinfauna somewhere I grab a baggie of something to keep them quiet. Then I shouldn't be surprised when they harass me constantly at home for snacks, usually following a hefty Shabbos meal, or right when I have FINALLY sat down.

I certainly have learned that I, personally, cannot snack; it is the slippery slope to constant munching. I had to deprogram myself to stop expecting mid-morning and -afternoon snacks; it certainly paid off weight-wise. (For me, this kept me on the straight and narrow; however, everyone is geared differently, and some need that snack to ensure no overeating).

Rose's hypothesis is that the French do not provide their children with regular snacks, and we all know how the French have low obesity rates (at least, that is what everyone says).

If a child is supposedly hungry, it is not the end of the world if they wait until the next meal; it does not qualify as child abuse. The French want their kids to be hungry for a meal, which is a guarantee they will eat well. Considering how the kinfauna never eat a meal when they are supposed to (always before or after, but never during), she's got a point.

So if kids aren't supposed to snack, I'm guessing adults shouldn't be, either; she says the jury is still out on those "frequent little meals" diets. Even if they are healthy, those unnecessary calories can really add up.

If I don't give those kiddies snacks, maybe they would actually eat their meals when they are supposed to, and let me sit down every once in a while. 

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and make sure they're square.    

Judgeth Not

Rabbi Dovid Forhman is one of my favorite thinkers. He brings before you simple pshat, and can blow your mind. 

I heard him speak on Pirkei Avos, and he shows how each one can be divided into three categories: Torah, Avodah (service to God, bein adam l'Makom), and Gemilus Chassadim (kindness to mankind, bein adam l'chaveiro). 

So here we have from Perek Alef: (6) Yehoshua the son of Perachia and Nitai the Arbelite received from them. Yehoshua the son of Perachia would say: Assume for yourself a master, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every man to the side of merit.

"Assume yourself a master" = Torah. (Rabbi Fohrman explains this establishing for oneself a role model, not necessarily a rav.)

"Acquire for yourself a friend" = Gemilus Chassadim, since friendships are based on doing favors for one a another. 

How does "judge every man to the side of merit" = Avodah?

Judging is something we do automatically; it can even be said to be logical. However, there is one problem: It is not our job to judge. Whose job? Only God's. By us saying, "I do not judge, for that is not my purpose in this world," we are testifying to God's existence. We are serving Him.

If I haven't already, I recommend his book, The Beast That Crouches at the Door, about Adam, Chava, and beyond.  

"Sunshine" Music Video

And this one with The Dirty Heads is stuck in my head.