How to Stay Sane While Dating: XVII

For those who have been dating for a while, there will inevitably come the suggestions to try something a wee bit more "alternative." Dating websites and dating events are the top two. 

To be clear, I have no objection to dating websites or dating events. What I do object to is their revered status as magic bullets. 

They aren't. They are merely another potential means to meet your special someone. Or the potential means to meet many, many stalkers. 

I kid. 

Sort of. 

I was once coaxed (make that bullied) into joining SYAS. I was uncomfortable with the whole enterprise to begin with, because the internet is the perfect smokescreen. One can make oneself look perfect (as the Instagramers know) and conveniently gloss over the more human details. 

I was on it for approximately 48 hours. Besides for the fact that I had no idea how to categorize myself (I'm not "Yeshivish Modern" nor am I "Modern Orthodox MACHMIR"), I am relying on a faceless someone who doesn't know me to set me up with another faceless someone she doesn't know either. My first suggestion couldn't even manage to tie together the contradictory details between his photo and his written description, and I realized I don't have the koyach for this. I deactivated my account to save my sanity. 

OK, why didn't I join one of those non-shadchan websites? Because it made me feel gross to sift through profiles and judge people ("Ew, he's nasty," "Gah, what a loser," "Is he kidding me?" "Oy, what a nebach"). I might as well go to hell now. And how would I gracefully fend off unwanted advances? Xanax, please.

Singles events. Oh dear dear dear. I went to two that I wished I hadn't gone to, and one that was tolerable but pointless. Everyone blended together to the point that I couldn't differentiate between the men or the women. And the organizers couldn't stop being annoyingly condescending.

Then the Shabbos meals. PSA: Do not serve hard liquor at the table. The women guests do not appreciate being interrogated by drunks. 

People encourage, "Step out of your comfort zone." But there is a reason why I have parameters for a comfort zone: To keep my stress levels from triggering acid reflux.   

There are some people who don't mind these alternative means. That's great. I mean, really. They can join in these activities and even enjoy themselves. But I didn't. I was tormented. And nowhere is it written that I must terrorize myself in order to get married. 

So you don't have to step out of your comfort zone. If you are meant to meet him, you'll meet him. Hashem works out the how, no one else.