Ta told me a concept recently, which he ascribed to the Rambam (disclaimer: I didn't fact check). Why is there 613 mitzvos? We could just have one, and do it over and over.
Because amongst that 613, there will be one that will speak to each of us, as individuals. That mitzvah, the one that we cling to and cherish, is our unique way of practicing our faith.
Perhaps due to the Baader-Meinhof effect, I then saw a reel on IG (can't find it again to give credit) and the gal was speaking about the same thing. She said her thing is saying Tehillim, while her friend loves to bake challah.
I, too, have discovered my own mitzvah. I'm not comfortable with sharing it, but it's in the chessed realm. It suits me. It doesn't involve much human interaction (which tends to make me anxious) yet still does good, I hope.
I was thinking about my sister-in-law, who visits elderly people. I don't have that ability. When I was in pre-1A and first grade, my class was constantly visiting the nursing home next door. I found it torturous then, and 30 years later, I still find it impossible. I don't know how to do small talk.
This has nothing to do with being uncomfortable with old people. In general, I suck when it comes to interactions with strangers. Once, by a simcha, I saw someone standing alone, and I felt a swell of goodwill. I sailed over, intent on making this poor soul feel welcomed, and it was a wreck. She ended up taking pity on me and brought our lame conversation to a thankful end.
Now, some may say I should try, practice, comfort zone, blah blah blah, but it's a full-time job keeping Anakin alive, ok? Seriously, that kid is turning all of my hair white.
In the meantime, I still want to find something that's my own, that speaks to my strengths. And I found it.
So, if you haven't found yours yet, I highly recommend you do. It does wonders for the self-esteem.
3 comments:
Interesting post and I like the idea that having 613 mitzvot give us some choices for individuality. Judee from Gluten Free A-Z Blog.
I have heard this in the name of the Rambam too, although I also have not seen the original. It's probably in his commentary on the Mishnah, on Sanhedrin, where he talks about Olam HaBa.
I think I have found mine, but I've sort-of felt resentful about it over the years, as it's as far as it's possible to get from joyous or easy. But it probably is meaningful and it has really shaped my whole life since I was pre-bar mitzvah.
DS: The feeling I get when I do my mitzvah is probably not joy, but the meaningful aspect of it, which has its own satisfaction.
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