"You're awesome!"
"You're awesome!"
The two of us had a grand time chatting, even over the blaring wedding music. We really hit it off.
At least I thought we did.
Having succeeded in securing her cell number, I proceeded to text. Her replies were short and noncommittal. I braved her chilly responses for a few more rounds, then gave up.
When I crossed paths with her again, she was downright frosty. I skittered away.
Making friends, for some, can be a difficult enterprise (this post is brought to you by: TooYoungToTeach, who not only sent me the below article but inspired the rest of the content). I'm one of those annoying people who can't befriend anyone. I require a meeting of minds, a shared vocabulary, and most of all, loyalty.
So when I meet someone new who seems to have, at least, the first two (near identical) qualities, I am awash in hope. But then, inexplicably, episode 2 flops after the pilot.
I am not alone. Alex Williams blames it on being over 30 ("Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?"), but I find that age has little to do with it. You bump into a stranger, you have a glorious hour or two in their company, but there is no successful follow-up to that promising romance.
Once upon a time, they would have just called it "ships passing in the night," or something. Maybe there was magic in the air, or hooch in the drinks, but whatever it is, it was not meant to be forever. It was meant to be for that moment in time.
. . . it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other, said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.Proximity. Can't get away from that. Nor vulnerability. But it also takes two to tango. If one doesn't want to put in the work to maintaining a relationship, there is only so much the other can do.
2 comments:
It actually really boggles my mind when this happens. It shouldn’t, perhaps, because it happens too often.
People are often so wrapped up in themselves that it’s hard for them to think outside themselves.
She needed a wing buddy at the moment, but she couldn’t be bothered after the fact to take the minimal effort to upkeep the friendship.
People also just plain lack follow through. (P vs. J thing.)
It’s not you, it’s them.
One feels so stupid afterward - did I misread the signs? Was she not interested in the first place? But like you said - she needed someone right now, but not tomorrow.
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