Take Off the Eyes

It is of vast importance to remove makeup every night. When it comes to eye makeup, I can't use my other soapy cleansers since they would sting my eyes, plus I want to be careful about rubbing and tugging the skin there. 

One recommendation I heard a long time ago is to use baby shampoo. Lathering up a little between fingers with some water, and gently rub with the fingertips with as little friction as possible. Usually that takes everything off. 

I use the baby shampoo when it's late and I just want to get to bed; it's the quickest way and doesn't need much coordination when I am tispsy with exhaustion. The rest of the time, I use an eye makeup remover with a cotton round.

Out of all the many eye makeup removers I have tried, I like Derma E All Natural Eyebright Makeup Remover the best. It doesn't remotely sting, even less than baby shampoo, yet it effortlessly swipes everything off, better than many other removers I have tried.

Every other brand I have purchased, and I mean every other one, tzipped my eyes, so I would end up rubbing the eye area more than I would have liked with water to get the sting out, and I do not like to rub my eyes so the skin will stay youthfully tight.

I have bought multiple bottles of this in one go, I love it so much, and I am the sort of cosmetics shopper who always thinks there is something better out there to try. Meaning, if I have repurchased it, it is a keeper. 

It is sold out from time to time on Vitacost. The people must like it.  

A Fork in the Road

I cannot speak on this from a personal perspective, but I still would like to mention this article, "Avoiding Cold Feet Down the Aisle." 

Pre-wedding jitters, those supposedly invalid concerns that can grip an almost-wed—in many cases, they can be merely temporary, illogically felt. But as a study has shown, when asked, a number of divorced women admitted that they knew they should not have married their ex when they did (while most divorced couples did not have such thoughts, only that having cold feet "increased the odds," whatever that means). 

The example they bring was the typical sloppy, unreliable momma's boy who was obviously not good enough for the woman in question, but she hungered for children. 

"Going with one's gut" is not something I really understand, since I tend to analyze situations with a logical eye, racking up pros and cons; I go with my gut when it comes to dinner. But I really should become more aware of that other "gut," allowing it to have a say, weighing its intuitions on certain matters. 

Two other elements that blur the decision are internal, less conscious, and can work against one another.

Both are types of idealization. In a series of studies . . . that new lovers have a strong tendency to idealize their partner, in the way that Ms. Huck did: Her friends are kind of sweet, when sober. He gets depressed mostly because he’s so sensitive.

Doubts don’t evaporate; they’re suppressed, only to return later.

The other is an expectation many have, of exquisite happiness. “People feel that they have to find the ideal, perfect Mr. or Ms. Right, who is their soul mate, with whom they will feel passionate love forever, and who will make them happy forever,” said Sonja Lyubomirsky . . .

She added: “Of course, both research and anecdotal evidence shows that this is not what typically occurs” and this type of person can easily become disappointed.

Doubts bring to light actual problems, whereas a desire for "happily ever after" can destroy a perfectly viable relationship. 

I was thinking of this article as I came across this letter-writer. A girl was willing to marry an ill-mannered golddigger, all because she believes that no one else will want her because of a broken engagement, her "elderly" age, and her weight. 

What she fails to understand is that she ruining her own future because of her lack of self-esteem. I have known of people with much worse obstacles and have danced off into the sunset with the spouse of their dreams, but they didn't see themselves as worthless.

She chooses not to value herself: That is the root of the matter. Not surprisingly, such a bad decision would end in an inevitable, disastrous divorce.        

Her problem is that she thinks she has no choice. But we all have a choice. To choose to believe in ourselves. Then to choose well in whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with.   

PINK Lips, Again

I haven't been as adamant as I would like about the importance of pink-hued lipcolor. 

Oh boy.

To yammer about it merely once, two years ago? For shame, Frumanista!

Kaley Cuoco's above mistake was that the plum/bark color really does not compliment her pale, cool-toned skin. It clashes, her visual age now much older than her 27 years.

As opposed to these other looks, where she looks young and fresh.

Although I am not crazy about that middle part.

Much better.

More yellow-based, Mediterranean skin tones can wear practically anything (including the offensive shade from the top) but they really pop in pink. For instance, a middle-aged cousin with dark skin always wore deep purple/brown lipstick, much to Bábi's distaste. For her granddaughter's wedding, the makeup artist applied a lovely rose shade that was so much more appealing. Her wrinkles just ceased to exist. 

Additionally, I think thinner-lipped gals are doing themselves a disservice by donning colorless gloss, believing that it will make their lips look fuller. It is Mariah Carey's constant misstep; all it accomplishes is that her lips magically disappear. 

 

Pink lips suit everyone, every lip size, shape, and skin tone. I regularly prefer matte shades for their longevity, and for the fact that since they are lacking dramatic sparkle, I can up the pigment power. However, some technique and patience is needed when applying, but that's another post.

My current faves (keep in mind the photos may not reflect the hues accurately, as my snapping skills somewhat suck, and kindly no comments about painting in the lines. These were rush jobs): 

Nars Pure Matte in "Carthage": I have already reviewed it to Carthage's benefit; it provides whatever amount of color I want, a soft flush of pleasing pigment, or a strong, vibrant lacquer. It has a cult following, since it had been sold out for months on Sephora, and I couldn't even get it on Amazon.

Nars Pure Matte Carthage

I have come across quite few frum ladies rockin' this shade, especially on Shabbos, as matte lipsticks have real staying power. 

Illamasqua in "Corrupt": I have mentioned it before, and probably will again. I adore Illamasqua for their variety of richly pigmented, truly matte cosmetics, and I own more than one of their lipsticks. 

Illamasqua Corrupt

Illamasqua in "Immodest": I was ridiculously in love with this new shade, which is such an appropriate . . . young shade, bright and light. The best way to describe it is . . . well, it's just fun. However, as opposed to other Illamasqua lipsticks, it is a royal pain to apply; the formulation must be off. I decided to return it, but left the photo here for some further pink inspiration. 

Illamasqua Immodest

Illamasqua in "Scandal": I got a lot of compliments for this one at a cousin's wedding. I had thought I was being toned-down, yet it was described as "overboard, but in a good way." It is defined as a "warm pink"; there is definitely orange in there, as opposed to "Corrupt," which is more blue-based.    

Illamasqua Scandal

Smashbox Be Legendary in "Electric Pink Matte": It's not quite electric pink, more of a blend of pink and coral, which I consider to be quintessentially spring-y and fresh. I feel so classy and chic in it. While matte, it has more of a satin finish, gliding on the lips with ease (meaning no technique necessary).

Smashbox Be Legendary Electric Pink Matte

Maybelline Superstay 14 Hour in "Perpetual Peony": For a 60s pale pink with lavender undertones. I use this as a top-most layer above a brighter long-wearing pink, and the two together blend into the constant compliment magnet, which lasts over Shabbos with many layers, blotting in between.

Maybelline Superstay 14 Hour Perpetual Peony

Maybelline Superstay 14 Hour in "Eternal Rose": It's darker and much more dramatic than "Perpetual Peony." I like this dark rose shade more for fall and winter.

Maybelline Superstay 14 Hour Eternal Rose

Please, get a pink lipstick! You won't regret it.       

Battle of the Bulge: Lullaby and Good Night

Quite simply, if one sleeps less, one eats more, and not the good stuff. So go to bed instead of going to the gym.

Boy, Am I Thick

Has anyone else had that moment when ceasing a certain standard practice suddenly opens the gates of promise?

I have just recently discovered that I can really stave off hair oiliness by using a nourishing shampoo (I like Desert Essence Coconut Shampoo and J.R. Liggett's Old-Fashioned Bar Shampoo), then NOT condition the roots AT ALL, only the ends of the hair. 

It makes a ridiculous difference in keeping my hair light and shining, for much longer. Since I shampoo only twice a week, my hair just doesn't get oily. Oh, hoist by my own deep treatment! 

Then quite by accident I discovered that if I don't comb after toweling my hair, then not blow-dry it at all: beach hair results.

After fifteen years I find this out!?!    

Beyond the Dream

Americans are encouraged to dream, secure in the knowledge that with hard work and ingenuity, dreams can come true. 

What to do when they don't? 

Camille Sweeney and Josh Gosfield, in their article "Secret Ingredient for Success," successfully argue that a dream paired with hard work is not always enough. One may have to go back to the beginning and realize that the dream has to be modified. 

We are powered by basics; our higher thinking and behavior relies on those fundamentals in order to function. Major change in my life has come about when I realize that a tenet of thought was actually flawed, and by removing it I can now progress further. 

In simple terms, let us say someone believes that true fashion ended in the 80s. One would walk about with high padded shoulders, leg warmers, and parachute pants, refusing to acknowledge that there are other options out there to really look one's best. 

During the 1970s, Chris Argyris, a business theorist at Harvard Business School (and now, at 89, a professor emeritus) began to research what happens to organizations and people . . . when they find obstacles in their paths.

Professor Argyris called the most common response single loop learning — an insular mental process in which we consider possible external or technical reasons for obstacles.

For those who meet true success, it was after tearing up their misconceptions and starting from scratch, as it was in the case of David Chang, a chef who wanted to open a simple noodle bar, which he finally did, but it was devoid of customers. He realized that a simple noodle bar would never take off, and leaving the simple noodle bar dream behind as he applied creativity and diversity to his menu. 

He has since shot off into fame and fortune. 

In interviews we did with high achievers for a book, we expected to hear that talent, persistence, dedication and luck played crucial roles in their success. Surprisingly, however, self-awareness played an equally strong role. 

The successful people we spoke with — in business, entertainment, sports and the arts — all had similar responses when faced with obstacles: they subjected themselves to fairly merciless self-examination that prompted reinvention of their goals and the methods by which they endeavored to achieve them. 

Nothing is wrong with having a dream and a plan. But who is to say that that dream can't undergo a little remodeling in order to truly happen?         

Phantom Rocks and Raoul Sucks

Being an Andrew Lloyd Webber fan, I of course saw "The Phantom of the Opera" on Broadway and have the original soundtrack stashed away in my drawer. 

Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman, the irreplaceable originals. SUCH voices.

I have always felt sympathetic toward the Phantom; in general, I tend to root for the underdog who doesn't have a chance with the girl. By making him an unloved and persecuted creature, he automatically got my support. "Oh, so he killed a few people and threatened to strangle your boyfriend if you wouldn't marry him; he's never been socialized. One more chance?"

Raoul was also given sissy-long hair in the movie version. Not remotely dashing enough for my tastes. And he is an "insolent boy, a slave of fashion." Gerard Butler, on the other hand . . . although I do admit they should have dubbed his voice. Then again, they should have dubbed everyone's voices. 

Isn't he dashing? Until he opens his mouth, that is.

One day while picking over the library, I came across Phantom by Susan Kay. The original tale was written by Gaston Leroux and published as a newspaper serial from 1909-10. I later read Leroux's original, so I can safely say Kay's version is faithful to his text, and, in fact, improves upon it. 

It gave exactly what I wanted—providing the Phantom an interesting, albeit miserable, history, along with the understanding that I hoped for.  

There is also a fabulous twist at the end.

Love the Phantom? I mean the actual pitiful bad guy? Try this. 

Expectations of the Arranged

Now that we have established that a large amount of observant Jewry do, in fact, have arranged marriages, I found this from Redbook to be quite interesting:

  Would You Be Happier in an Arranged Marriage?

Arranged marriages may sound unromantic, but the women who choose them can teach us a thing or two about how to be happy in love, says Reva Seth, author of First Comes Marriage. "Women in arranged marriages have a more realistic approach toward love and romance — which makes them better able to enjoy the person they're with," Seth says. Here, a few lessons to take to heart.

Find your inner strength.
 
"Women in arranged marriages don't expect their husbands to fulfill all their emotional needs," Seth explains. "They look to their spouse as a life partner, a companion, and a source of support — but not as their only provider of happiness." Instead of relying on their husbands, these women know how to create their own happiness — and as a result, they don't harbor resentment toward their husbands for not fulfilling the impossible. 

Focus on what you love about each other.
 
Because women go into arranged marriages knowing that they have to learn to love their spouse, they focus on his positive qualities and let go of the little things that don't really matter. Instead of dwelling on Why didn't he do that?, they look for what he did right. "It changes the whole relationship dynamic," Seth says. "When you're appreciative toward your spouse, he reciprocates." 

Redefine romance.
 
Since arranged marriages don't arise from traditional courtship, the women who enter them toss their expectations of traditional displays of romance (think fancy, candlelit dinners). They value little acts of love — like when he gives you the bigger half of the piece of cake — which can often be even more meaningful. 

Joke's On You

On the way back from a shopping outing, an obnoxious white sedan with a cracked bumper crossed a solid line and cut me off. He felt a need to glare that, apparently, I was not going fast enough. Fine.

I watched him zoom off ahead, disappearing as he irritated quite a few other motorists. 

Yet, a half hour later, I was surprised to see the same white cracked bumper right ahead of me at a red light. Oh, how I laughed. I cackled. I muahahahaha-ed.

After I first started to drive, I was amazed how suddenly I became a judgmental idiot behind the wheel. "What is up with this guy?" "Should she even still have her license?" "Come. On. I'd like to make the light some time this century."

But I've noticed, especially in the case of drivers who will switch three lanes at one time in their furious attempt to get ahead, to speed in the pursuit of saving time: They don't get there any faster.

Speeding wastes gas (so don't complain about how expensive fuel is the next time filling up). Weaving in and out of lanes is not only dangerous, it tenses up other drivers and slows everyone else down. Dirty looks, of course, are never appreciated.

So mellow out, dude. We'll get there when we get there.

"Fill the Void"

Yes, I have seen it, and now I am heartily recommending it. While I am a real movie lover, I find myself often at a loss of how to express myself regarding them beyond "loved it," "hated it," or "eh, it was alright." Therefore, I will poach the words of film critic Marshall Fine: 

Shira is not an unwilling captive of some cult; she is an observant follower of a religious tradition, caught in the kind of interpersonal familial crisis that could happen anywhere in the world . . . 

Burshtein is patient with her actors, who give nuanced performances that avoid the kind of showy moments that too often dominate this kind of tale. In particular, young Hadas Aron conveys volumes without saying much. Similarly, Sheleg, as the mother, captures the heartbreak and sense of powerlessness without histrionics, making it that much more poignant.

Then Ella Taylor: 

Ambience is everything in this director's gorgeous scene-setting. There's nothing remotely monkish or drab about the lavish physicality and rich lighting that infuses a sexually modest subculture with sensual pleasure and — yes — romance. In one achingly lovely scene, Shira squeezes out her grief in the plaintive notes of an accordion as Yochay sways in a hammock, his baby slumbering peacefully on his chest.

Elsewhere a richly soulful Hebrew rendition of Psalm 137 ("If I forget thee, O Jerusalem ...") underscores the transformative power of communal ritual, whose central premise — act, and the feelings will follow — guides Shira toward a decision.

Since Shira is faced with a very adult choice—specifically marriage, and on top of that, a marriage to a brother-in-law—we sometimes forget that she is just 18. Her backing-and-forthing over the matter shows that she has been tossed suddenly from worry-free childhood into a difficult dilemma that only she can solve.

My companion couldn't understand Shira's dithering—maybe because Yochay is so dreamy, not only in looks but in his nature, the stereotypical girl's fantasy: A man in touch with his feelings. Yiftach Klein sobs spectacularly. 

Burshtein embellishes the power of silence; not only what is said, but the significance of what is not said. 

I also couldn't help tapping my foot to the familiar melodies sung around the Shabbos table and by simchas (plus Shira has an entertainingly diverse wardrobe of Shabbos robes).  
 

The theater was filled with, erm, octogenarians, but the youth should give it a try.