To preface, my kids go bonkers when I take out the laptop and gleefully try to push as many keys as possible. So yes, I know this is ridiculously late for a follow-up.
After I read Brodesser-Akner's article—twice—I found myself sifting eagerly through the comment section. Did anyone else find this article mind-blowing? Please?
This is still the internet, so some missed the point entirely. One had snippily typed that she had experienced the same unasked-for procedure during childbirth, as well as sexual assault, and in no way were they comparable.
No one was saying they were comparable, moron. She was saying that trauma is trauma, and it's not a matter of what others consider valid and invalid.
But most of the letters applauded the article, and some took it further.
One commented a truth: That when Jack Teich was kidnapped, everyone agreed this was a very bad thing to the point the government mobilized to help. In the case of Brodesser-Akner's childbirth trauma, she was alone. Very few people believed her or validated her. Many probably—like the above commenter—belittled her experience as being "no big deal." That can certainly exacerbate the trauma into attendant feelings of shame.
"Sherry" posted that after she was traumatized, she was told by the therapist that she eventually consulted to talk about it as much as she could and cry as much as she wanted. However, the people around her were impatient: "It was so long ago. Why don't you get over it already?" She thought she was crazy. Then a chance encounter with a stranger who went through the same: "You will never get over it and they will never understand."
That is what I learned after Ma died: If they haven't been through the same, people don't understand. They don't understand that grief leaves a permanent mark.
I watched a clip on Meaningful Minute's Stories of Hope about a widow who remarried. She said that no one gets over grief; she will be talking about it for a long time. So if you want to be there for your friend in their time of need, you better be willing to listen to them talk about it forever.
"Michael" posted that empathy is so important. For some people, they can't "choose" to move on. (I personally don't think people move on, I think they're just really good at compartmentalizing.) Support and kindness is the best that can be done.
