Monday, July 27, 2015

I Understand

There is something wrong with me, I realized. 

I was reading David Mitchell's Ghostwritten (not really crazy about it, absorbing but not enjoyable), which opens with the narrative (spoiler alert!) of a cult-follower planning terrorism. He is looking into the faces of his victims and feels only exultation, not contrition. 

But I let it go. 

Why? Well, there is a back story. Unhappy kid, bullied, no one understands him, then a larger-than-life figure gives him all the attention and respect he has been craving his entire existence, and he imprints. 

It's understandable how he became a monster. His family, his classmates, the world, failed him. 
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"To understand everything is to forgive everything," Frederick Forsyth wrote in The Phantom of Manhattan. Books and movies—good ones, at least—delve into the story of a character, through and through. People have reasons for what they do. While the action may be horrible, the perpetrator's motivations came from somewhere, however misguided and warped he may be. 

When I comprehended this, I knew now how to achieve actual dan l'kaf zechus: Pretend the other is a book character. Consider the back story. Low self-esteem? Lack of childhood socialization? Currently dealing with a soul-crushing situation? 
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It doesn't excuse what she said or did to me, but it does humanize her, as opposed to she-devil-who-made-me-feel-like-crap.      

3 comments:

Sporadic Intelligence said...

First I have to stew a bit, then I can gain perspective...but it's so true, when you consider a person like a character in a novel, the backstory and what not, all sorts of things fall away...strangely you can even feel bad for them, and REALLY forgive them.

Mr. Cohen said...

Princess Lea said:
"I knew now how to achieve actual dan l'kaf zechus..."

RESPONSE:

Every day I recite this little prayer:

Yehi Ratzone Milfanecha LeAzore Li Col Yemei Chayaii LeDon Col Yehudim LeCaf Zechut, VeLo LeCaf Chobah...

Princess Lea said...

SI: They do say that novel readers are more empathetic!