Monday, August 20, 2018

Born This Way (Laughing Hysterically)

I know I'm pretty late to the game, but I started watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. While I personally can't stand stories about women who chase down uninterested men, the pilot episode hooked me with "The Sexy Getting Ready Song." 

Rebecca is getting ready for a party where she hopes to see the unrequited object of her affection. The opening scene is the usual, lady in lacy lingerie, strappy heels, and satin robe gyrating in front of a mirror.
Then it goes downhill. We bear witness to the true beauty process, which involves plucking nose whiskers, waxing body hair, scraping off dead foot skin, suffocating body shapers, eyelash curlers, and horrific burns from curling irons. A rapper enters, and begins the usual sexist lyrics, then trails off as he witnesses how the sausage truly gets made: 

"God, what... this is how you get ready? This is some... this is horrifying, like a scary movie or something. Like some nasty-*** patriarchal ****. You know what? I gotta go apologize to some b*****s. I'm forever changed after what I've just seen." 

At one point, Rebecca croons, "Let's see how the guys get ready," and the camera cuts to Rebecca's date, Greg, sleeping peacefully on the couch. 

As she wafts from the house looking smoking, Greg can't believe his eyes. "Oh, I just woke up from a nap," she says airily. 

The episode closes with the rapper, Nipsey Hussle, calling up a list of women and apologizing. 

"Hey Denise, it's me, Nipsey Hussle. I recently had an eye-opening experience. I'm calling to apologize for the way I treated you when you danced in my recent music video. Denise, I'm sorry I showered you with Cristal. I didn't even ask if you liked Champagne, and it probably messed with your blow-out." 

"Ashley, I realize now that it wasn't right for me to tell you what to do with that big fat ***. You can wiggle it, or you can sit it down in a classroom and get that college degree in communications." 

"Chelsea, I'm sorry I put you in a bikini made of gold coins and then made you dance on the roof of my Bentley. I realize now that metal conducts heat and that was probably a very uncomfortable experience." 

"Anyway, Denise, hit me up whenever you get this. I'd love to discuss The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir, which I just read. You are beautiful inside as well as out. You are my equal!"

I was weeping (with hilarity). It reminded me of this post, along with Amy Schumer's music video, "Girl You Don't Need Makeup" (the boy band serenade her that she's perfect without glop, only to recoil in disgust when they see the reality, and beg her to slap the stuff back on).
My niece said to me the other Friday night (with a complete Shabbos Face), "You look pretty." 

"Thank you, sweetie. It only took a half hour." 

"It was more like forty-five minutes," she corrected.

Gentlemen: Respect the process. That is all we ask. (Han does. Good man.)

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