Jasmine is the office "mommy." She's warm, cuddly, the type you want to confide in. She has three beautiful children. She has not been married to her (jerk) ex-husband for a number of years.
A few months ago (before the corona madness began in earnest), she stopped by my desk and asked me to pray for her. She grew up Christian, but the type of uptight Christian that preaches constant hellfire and brimstone, so she's drifted away from that.
She explained that she considers herself as "spiritual." I can attest that she's a good person, a moral person, and believes in God. Nor is she elitist, as she believes all prayers have validity, including mine. She tries to do the right thing. She's kind to others.
She started seeing this guy, she said happily, and she's excited about it. The type of excited that she can't sleep at night, wondering what will be (golly, that sounds all too familiar).
She's a freelancer; another one of her employers is frum. He told her he would pray for her at the Western Wall, that she can find her man.
I've always struggled a bit with the concept of prayer. I've asked many rabbanim about it, and many couldn't quite give me an answer.
Because if:
(a) Everything Hashem does for me is for the good; and
(b) I don't know what is good for me; then
(c) should I be davening for specific things?
I believe that I am small, so small I cannot possibly fathom His reasons. I was davening for years to find my bashert, but because I was single I was able to devote all of my time to Ma when she became ill.
I don't want to daven as though I'm banging my head against a brick wall, only to realize that my salvation was the other way.
I try to daven for guidance. I try to daven that I make the best possible choice in whatever situation I end up in. I daven in gratitude, asking that health and peace and comfort continue for us all.
I do have a list of single ladies I daven for. Now I daven for Jasmine too.
For me, davening is sort of confusing. I'm not sure what my intent should be, what the outcome is. Will I have the clarity to see His plan? My vision sucks as it is.
Over the years, my list of single ladies has dwindled. I don't believe it was because of me. But I'm joyous when I can strike another one off as she prances off with her beloved.
Davening is what we do. So I'll continue too, even if I don't quite understand what I'm aiming for.
She's a freelancer; another one of her employers is frum. He told her he would pray for her at the Western Wall, that she can find her man.
I've always struggled a bit with the concept of prayer. I've asked many rabbanim about it, and many couldn't quite give me an answer.
Because if:
(a) Everything Hashem does for me is for the good; and
(b) I don't know what is good for me; then
(c) should I be davening for specific things?
I believe that I am small, so small I cannot possibly fathom His reasons. I was davening for years to find my bashert, but because I was single I was able to devote all of my time to Ma when she became ill.
I don't want to daven as though I'm banging my head against a brick wall, only to realize that my salvation was the other way.
I try to daven for guidance. I try to daven that I make the best possible choice in whatever situation I end up in. I daven in gratitude, asking that health and peace and comfort continue for us all.
I do have a list of single ladies I daven for. Now I daven for Jasmine too.
For me, davening is sort of confusing. I'm not sure what my intent should be, what the outcome is. Will I have the clarity to see His plan? My vision sucks as it is.
Over the years, my list of single ladies has dwindled. I don't believe it was because of me. But I'm joyous when I can strike another one off as she prances off with her beloved.
Davening is what we do. So I'll continue too, even if I don't quite understand what I'm aiming for.
3 comments:
The explanation of davening that most speaks to me is that davening is mostly an exercise in self-improvement. By establishing a constant dialogue with Hashem, we attempt to become better people and change the world.
We ask for things we want or need- and know with certainty that all tefillos are heard, carefully considered, and answered. Sometimes the answer is "no" or "not now" but that is still an answer, given with love and compassion.
Think of what we say in unesaneh tokef: useshuva, usefilla, utzedaka" - these are concrete actions that we can take to better ourselves, with Hashem's help.
See the following beautiful piece from Rabbi Sacks:
https://jewishaction.com/religion/inspiration/the_power_of_jewish_prayer/
I think this something many people struggle with.
A few of my disjointed thoughts:
Some things I davened for took years to be answered, but they were. Some I am still waiting.
I was once the recipient of people saying the sefer tehillim on my behalf as I was undergoing a medical procedure that is known to be excruciatingly painful. I am not lying or exaggerating, I did not feel a twinge of pain. The nurses couldn't believe I wasn't crying and screaming the way they had expected.
This past Purim, when I was saying the special perek of tehillim, I had in mind my non Jewish coworker who had unexpectedly been laid off. She hadn't gotten any interviews in the weeks since and was starting to panic. The very next day, she got a call for an interview. By the end of the week, she had been offered a comparable job in an excellent company. (I didn't tell her I had been praying for her, because I didn't want to come across as patronizing.)
I also daven for another non Jewish coworker to find a wonderful husband and have a family.
Davening isn't something that comes naturally to me, but for the past year I try to say a perek each night. I don't beat myself up or feel guilty if I'm too emotionally or physically tired to do so. I am on my second way through the sefer. I am astounded by the depths and emotions expressed by Dovid Hamelech, and it touches me to think of him as a real person who wrote out of his own experiences.
Gavi: Thank you! I like that.
Anon: Me too! When I read Tehillim with the translation, I'm amazed how someone who lived a few thousand years ago is so relatable.
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