She couldn't bear matchmaking. In Southampton friends had tried over the years, and it had never worked. There was normally a reason why the man was still single: overbearing, or humorless, or self-absorbed, or with a disinclination to wash. And she had a perverse reaction to being told she would like someone. When she was a child, if her mother said she would like a particular dress or toy or pudding, Violet almost willed herself to hate it. — A Single Thread by Tracy Chevalier
Violet is a "surplus woman," a term for the outnumbering of British men by women by two million following World War I and the Spanish Flu. (I'll see your shidduch crisis and raise it.) It's amazing, when you think about it, that there was a sufficient next generation of young men to fight in World War II.
Ergo, there usually was a reason why a man would still be single back then, as most women, if they wanted marriage badly enough, would definitely "compromise." Although, her list of reasons sound familiar enough to me, including a date who had a "disinclination to wash" (he was trying to be, literally, "greasy yeshivish." I didn't realize that was a thing until I went out with him).
Are we familiar now with the term, "Good enough for yenem" meaning, "Not for my daughter, no way, but for you, he's totally good enough"? What makes it worse is when one is accused of being "picky" for not entertaining the "good enough" suggestion.
It's not as though Violet is desperate enough for any man, for there are a few, and seem to be acceptable. She was in love with her fiance, who died in the war; but she still dislikes setups.
It was a bleak life for women back then if they decided to leave home, as Violet did; the only work they could do was usually secretarial, and that paid barely enough for Violet to eat.
And yet, it's not even an option for her to consider a man she does not like. She would obviously rather starve.
So why should women today, who thankfully can earn their own bread, be any different?
2 comments:
Even though I'm a big reader of historical fiction, I was unaware of (or at least didn't fully aporeciate) that phenomena until I watched Downton Abbey, lol.
There were so many trickle down effects of WWI in many ways, but because of the utter cataclysm of WWII a few decades later, they became glossed over or forgotten. Of course, this specific effect wasn't something necessarily on the radar screen of Americans as they entered the war much later, and therefore suffered fewer losses.
Same here! I tend to avoid books or movies having to do with the WWs cause they're so depressing. I stopped watching Downton Abbey after Anna got raped, but I managed to get the flu in.
But it really is amazing how no one really remembers the last pandemic . . .
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