Monday, October 12, 2015

Shidduch Run

"My son will be coming home now from Israel," she said, shaking in fear, "and he'll start dating." She bit her lip. 

I understand her terror, considering the weirdly high amount of young, cute newlyweds who have sheepishly returned to their parents' doorsteps following a few months of the wedded state. 

"I've got three friends who are getting divorced," he said, "and they all have different stories. But it starts from parental pressure to get married."

Our divorce rate, I am sure, is still much lower than the national average. Nor do I believe that every situation is the same. Blame the disposable society? Mayhap. Yet I prefer how Rosie Einhorn and Sherry Zimmerman put it in their article for Mishpacha: These two people shouldn't have married in the first place. 

What happens when you call something a "crisis"? The population tends to panic. Like bank runs—"Hey, the bank may be in trouble! Let's get our money out!" Well, there won't be enough cash available for everyone, and the bank will definitely go under, taking the remaining accounts with it.
I have made the stupidest shopping mistakes while frantic. Another thing I have learned that when it comes to business, stay away from desperate individuals. They are simply in survival mode, grasping whatever they can without considering the multitude of other factors. 

Goldie Steinberg (née Gurfinkel) made headlines when she passed away at the age of 115. She was born in 1900. She survived a pogrom at the age of 3. At 23, she emigrated to the U.S. with her sisters and lived with her uncle. In 1932, she wed a fellow Kishinev native.!/httpImage/image.JPG_gen/derivatives/display_600/image.JPG
Do some math. That means she was 32 when she got married. 

As an adorer of historical fiction, I can assure my audience that once upon a time, unless if one of the couple were royalty, two people liking each other did not automatically mean getting hitched. He would have a job, but didn't have yet sufficient income to support a wife. She would have a nice secretarial position, but that would not be enough to pay the rent. So the two would live at home, and on weekends would meet up and exchange recent news, until he finally got the promotion or saved up enough to buy into the business. Years could have passed in the interim. 

What makes something a "crisis"? Merely our perception. It's like with little kids. If you are okay with it, they are okay with it. They trust the adults' reactions.

No one should marry from fright or desperation. Those two factors guarantee a bad choice. Don't buy shoes when nervously attempting to match up an outfit, they will definitely be overpriced and will certainly hurt. Don't invest with someone sweating bullets, the deal will flop. 

How much more so . . .   

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