Monday, August 15, 2016

Bards Shall Sing of My Bravery

A blood-curdling shriek emanates from the basement. 

"He's got me cornered!" 

I launch away from my breakfast, grabbing a "bee-deader" (Luke's childhood name for a fly-swatter) as I hurl down the steps. There he is, my antennae-waving prey: A fat cricket. 

Ma is the fearless one. She wacks ants with her bare palm. She dismisses the terrified wails of the kinfauna when faced with a spider. Mosquitoes fear her. 

But crickets, you must agree, are a different matter entirely. They're disturbingly intelligent.
I creep toward my target. He doesn't move, dreamily rubbing his legs. I hold my breath. He doesn't bat a lash. I slowly, slowly, raise the swatter. He yawns. I lunge. 

He's gone. 

On those jumper legs, he's across the room in a blink of an eye. I've lost him.
Last year Succos-time, with murderous fall upon them, they actually had the nerve to brazenly emerge from the basement, strolling about the den as though invited. It was insupportable. They had to die. 

I researched a number of options, and settled on glue traps. I didn't expect much, really. I baited the center with a little sugar, leaving three in the hot zone—the boiler room—and few more at random points to tempt the survivors. 

Hot diggety damn. The old-timers were the first to go, large and immobile with their heads drowning in sugar. Then, the next generation was caught, small and un-cute, four on one strip.

All that was required of me was to gingerly pick up the cluttered trap with "ew ew ew" forefinger and thumb, then chuck it into the garbage. 

So is the end for the creature that mocks me.  


Anonymous said...

Your use of the word “insupportable” indicates that Spanish is your native language, or that you studied Spanish, or that your vocabulary was influenced by someone who fits that description.

A native English speaker with no knowledge of Spanish would have said “intolerable”.

Daniel Saunders said...

I find it hard to kill insects. I have a million spiders in my flat (technically not insects, but near enough) and I can't find it in me to kill them. I just worry about them getting in my food. Of course, the spiders eat the other insects...

Anonymous said...

This thing rocks. It will dead any and all flies.

Princess Lea said...

Anon: Sorry, you fail this round of Henry Higgins. My Spanish is on a Sesame Street level. "Insupportable" happens to be a favorite word of classic English novels, uttered in many a BBC adaptation.

DS: Killed a spider this morning. Too big to ignore.

Prof: I think it's illegal in New York State.