Wednesday, November 7, 2018

From Bad4's Shidduch Lit

I never properly read The Outside World by Tova Mirvis. I managed a few rushed pages here and there years ago when I came across it one Shabbos in my brother's house, enough to get the gist but not a proper read. 

So I decided to take it out. While she does presumably depict the frum world, I found her take a little . . . confusing. 

Our (presumed) protagonist, Tzippy, is 22 and dating. She is suffocating under the pressure, and while she emits sweetness when she is outdoors, her mother Shayna is ducking from her indoor fury. 

What I found contradictory was that Tzippy wants to get married, but then after what seems to be a promising date decides she wants to go to Israel (she didn't go to seminary, and wants to experience it three years late). 

There's no conversation about self-improvement or even God, really, in the book. A "good Bais Yaakov girl" would occupy her time, presumably, with shiurim, but there is no conversation about um, kibbud eim? 

Like, none.  

What is also disturbing is how most of the characters—of various levels of observance—have fantasies of fleeing. Running, flying, freeing themselves of the bonds of frumkeit. There are very few examples of fulfilled Jews, more those who focus on the restrictions, as opposed to the positives. 

There is repeated imagery of little girls fantasizing about weddings. It just makes our community seem so . . . small and generic. (I personally didn't fantasize about my wedding as a kid. I was pining for a horse.) 

I agree with the premise that a 22-year-old girl should not be panicking about marriage. But let's not throw away the baby with the bathwater. 

Mirvis, in recent years, has officially left the fold (she even wrote a memoir about it). The Outside World does not reflect much spiritual satisfaction that can be found in a religius lifestyle, and I'm assuming that is a reflection of her personal perspective, to which she is, I suppose, entitled. Yet it would be nice if there was a book available in public libraries that found our lifestyle actually pleasant.

5 comments:

Daniel Saunders said...

Yet it would be nice if there was a book available in public libraries that found our lifestyle actually pleasant.

Agreed. But I think for that to happen, we as a community would have to place more value on literature.

Anonymous said...

Any time I've read a book/watched a movie etc about the frum world that is geared to the general public, it has always fallen short. Somehow, in the trying to explain, it comes across as stilted and just seems either apologetic or inauthentic.

(The exception to that would be Srugim, but that was geared towards an Israeli audience.)

In any case, I tried reading something by Mirvis years ago (when she was still religious) and just didn't like her writing style. So I never finished it. I did read her NYT piece about her divorce and thought it was well written. Maybe fiction just isn't her forte.

Princess Lea said...

DS: That is true. Plus it shouldn't be prone to censorship. A friend of mine wrote up a great manuscript geared toward the frum community but it wouldn't never be printed by a frum publishing house, and a secular one wouldn't get it.

Anon: "Somehow, in the trying to explain, it comes across as stilted and just seems either apologetic or inauthentic." Definitely.

Israeli productions don't have to try so hard, since they have nothing to prove, really. Just started Srugim now (I know, I suck) and I'm finding it addictive. Finally! Something for us!

I read that piece too. Some people (like me) can't depict fiction. It has to be personal, or else it sounds clunky.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to read your take on Srugim when you've finished, PL. Aside from the Jewish angle, it is just so spot on with the various relationships (platonic, romantic, familial, etc). So true to life, such realistic characters.

The only other show I can think of that comes close to doing the same thing is another favorite of mine, Freaks and Geeks, though that's about teenagers and their friendship angst, not singles and their angst:) (and not Jewish, lol, though I think probably a good half of more of the actors, writers, producers etc on that show actually *are* Jewish in real life).

Princess Lea said...

I actually have a post scheduled where I suggest it for Shidduch TV, however I'm only working with the first few episodes. The characters are realistic, yes, but infuriating, though. What the heck is up with Nati? (Don't tell me. If it turns out he had some sort of odd upbringing, I'll find that out later.)

I've never seen "Freaks and Geeks," although I should. Everyone loved it.