Recently, I made a pretty bad mistake.
What was particularly frustrating was that this was the second time I've made this mistake. I had thought at the first incident that, at least, I would never make this mistake again. Well, there goes that theory.
There are, BH, no epic, lasting consequences. But I have still been berating myself while Han insists that it's ok, to err is human. It could have been worse. Okely-dokely.
His logic was not sufficient for me. I was furious at myself for my carelessness, finding myself unworthy.
This led me to ponder the nature of mistakes altogether, and whilst in bed, my thoughts unspooling, I had a vague image in my mind of Ben, one day, making a mistake, and what my response would be.
My imaginary, future self said, "Even the avos made mistakes."
That jolted me. Wait. Even the avos made mistakes.
The avos and the imahos. Then Moshe, Aharon, Miriam, Dovid, etc. But they were still beloved by Hashem, and our icons.
While some believe that every action of our foreparents was perfection, I follow the school of many a rabbi that our ancestors were actually quite human, and prone to human error.
There is a difference between aveiros and mistakes. But they did make boo-boos, which did have long-term consequences.
They did the best they could at the time. It's easy to look back 2,500 years and nitpick, but I think that's not the point.
We are given the gift of teshuva and mechila in order to rectify our mistakes. Judaism doesn't demand perfection. It knows that's beyond each of us. But what about our gedolim? Some counter. They were perfection!
Really? How do you know that? Biographers cannot be that honest, because any sort of attribution of humanity on our modern-day sages is considered slanderous (see the banning of "The Making of a Gadol," which Luke gleefully acquired before the price shot through the roof).
Think a minute. If the ancients messed up, is it so improbable that the contemporaries have, too?
I recall an interaction I had, close to 20 years ago, when I first started college. A classmate had discovered I was an observant Jew, and breathlessly asked "what happens" if I, say, mistakenly eat non-kosher.
I shrugged. "Well, what can you do?"
She was puzzled. What did she expect? I would get struck by lightning? Dragged before a tribunal and flogged?
We are expected to do our best. Even if our best can seem mediocre to others. But our best is our best.
2 comments:
Not the point of your post, but isn't it amazing how parenting gives us the opportunity to be more understanding of ourselves? (i.e., What would I tell my child if he/she were in that situation?)
I didn't even think of it that way! Thanks!
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