Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Mind Benders

"I understand he is not what you are looking for, and that such-as-such is a big issue, but of course it is up to you, and I will not judge or force you in any way." 

"Thank you very much, but I don't think he is for me." 

She proceeded to judge me and attempted to force me, cloaked in seemingly reasonable phrases. 

Which displays a disturbing new trend, if it catches on: Shadchanim now using reverse psychology, utilizing good ol' fashioned Jewish guilt?  

Instead of the usual premise—"This guy is so wonderful that you must be high to refuse him"—they have now opted for: "Yes, he is of middling quality, but your destiny lies in your hands, do with it what you will." 

I still managed to wriggle my way out of that situation—it is easy to be forceful in e-mail, since I cannot maintain confrontation in person—but a chill crept along my spine that if the shadchanim have managed to grasp the nuances of psychological manipulation, there will be in the future a rise in bad dates and women faking headaches and men faking work emergencies.  

So gushed another: "Oh, you must go out with this one! He is such a catch!" 

"But what about that catch?" I pointed out a glaring issue. 

At that point she stopped trying, flatly stating in bland terms his dim qualifications. After poking and prodding me for a bit, she suddenly said, "Well, he's busy right now anyway." 


How did she expect me to react? "He's busy? Meaning another female that walks the planet may get her claws into this stranger? I've changed my mind; I now want him with every fiber of my being!" 

What am I, five? "My toy! Mine!"

My concern is that if this tactic had actually worked in the past, are such childish individuals are walking about masquerading as dateable adults?          


aminspiration said...

Unfortunately most people are children masquerading as adults

Tovah11 said...

I love reading your dating travails. You really need to write a book. The "problem" for you is that you already know what you're looking for and are not willing to settle for less.

Princess Lea said...

am: Sigh. I guess so.

Tovah: That will be the title of my book! "Not Settling for Less: The Problem."