Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Two Sides to the Story

Woman 1: She's an intellectual, well-read . . . and I don't think he's her speed. He is very nice, though. 

Woman 2: So send her his information. Let her be the one to choose. You never know. I certainly didn't expect to end up with the type my husband is. 

Woman 1: True. Me neither. 

Woman 3: Same here. 

Woman 2: See? That's what I think the "problem" is. People make the decisions for singles. Let them decide. Let them choose. 

Woman 3: Except . . . except, for some, it puts them in an awkward position. When I was single, I never said no. And I had disastrous dates, because I didn't have the confidence to refuse. Once my neighbor asked to set me up with her cousin, I said, "Ooo-kay," and I could tell from the phone call that it was going to be bad.  And it was. So it's not really fair to singles in making the suggestion in the first place.

I was all for cheering on, if not hugging, kissing, and buying a fruit platter for Woman 3. She understands what it's like. When I get a suggestion, I assume (chances are erroneously) that the other put a lot of thought into this idea, and if I say "Thanks, but no thanks," I am dissing her efforts.  Or, if I say no, then it is proof that I am picky, pedantic, and doomed to die with only cats to my name.

As a result, I have gone on many a horrendous date, emerged angry, resentful, and suffering from PTSD. I have lost faith in mankind (the guy) and womankind (the shadchan), and now bear her a massive grudge for humiliating me via a meeting with an ill-mannered, inconsiderate jerk, or a dim, pitiable nebach.
However, I never quite saw it from Woman 2's perspective. Yes, stranger things have happened. There are couples out there that not only could I not comprehend, no one else who knew them couldn't, either. Who am I to state, for sure, that he and she could never be we?

I guess . . . I guess I have to take it a little easier on shadchanim. But, in turn, they have to take it a little easier on me.    

1 comment:

Mr. Cohen said...

Why is the emphasis always on shadchanim?

Forget shadchanim, Jewish singles should meet each other directly, for example: