Friday, December 27, 2013

Battle of the Bulge: Bon Appétit

Uh oh, I thought. He thinks I'm anorexic. 

The Battle of the Bulge never ends. There is no white flag, no surrendering of swords, no peace treaty. It is an ongoing, relentless, exhausting fight. 

Then dating gets in the way. 

Even if the choice of venue is an innocent coffee shop (and I don't drink coffee) tasty, sugary delights surface. 

I happily slurp away on my beverage that is composed of 98% sugar, but figure this is the last "fun" I will have for the rest of the week, logging in the expense under calorie arithmetic. 

"Would you like a snack?" 

"Oh, I'm fine, thanks." (No mystery ingredient muffin will pass my lips). 
He looks at me worriedly. 

"Do you eat?" 

"Yes! Of course I do! I love food!" 

His eyebrows contract, reflecting his disbelief in my protestations.

For dates I do allow for some wiggle room, yet I have erected a mental drill sergeant to compensate for my indulging.

I am a big fan of the restaurant date (it just seems as though the fellas are more serious) but I began to fret when a courteous bachelor fed me awfully well when he took me out twice in one week. Oh, my kingdom for a fettuccine alfredo. 

An affianced female I know of was gradually getting bigger and bigger during her engagement. "Oh," sighed a romantically inclined middle-aged neighbor. "They go out to eat together, and he says, 'You look so beautiful . . . ' " 

I backed away slowly. 

I like it when my weight is in check and my wardrobe fits. While a love interest may hypothetically compose ditties to the perfection of my waist as-is, I'll tell him to kindly go away. And throw the mandolin after him.

I come home from the solo-drink date and heartily polish off the leftover sweet chicken from Shabbos, carefully labeling it "dinner" in my mind's eye. 

Look, guys, I know you want to feel important, but if I watch myself it is not for you. I know you don't really care about five pounds here and there (you haven't been known for being the most observant). 

This is for me.    


FrumGeek said...

Yeah, A number of my friends gained weight during engagements because they're always going out to eat lol

met said...

OK you seriously need to take a chill pill. If your dates start thinking that you don't eat because you can't afford muffin calories, you need to rethink some things.

Princess Lea said...

FG: What about a pleasant stroll through the park instead?

met: Do you believe, perhaps, that muffins are innocent bystanders in a calorie war? One medium muffin, according to google, is approximately 430 calories, 18 grams of fat, and 1 gram of fiber for all that, and I'm not personally crazy about muffins to begin with.

I would rather eat something else. Nothing else was there that tempted my fancy, so I waited until I got home to have some leftovers.

Now, if the place had a decent piece of cheesecake, well . . .