"I have trouble getting dates because _______________."
So opine men and women, putting forth their theories as to their seeming lackluster dating streak. Both genders write in to "Ask the Shadchan" in local papers, or say to others as such.
Well, many of us are in a position to say that.
Take myself. A usual comment will be, "Oh, I know of a great guy for you, he would be perfect, except he is probably a head shorter than you."
Again, my leeriness of avoiding shorter men stem from my desire not to be stabbed by an insecure date. But it would seem I can be in a position to say, "I have trouble getting dates because I am tall." Or, after being informed of a "no" following a date with a charming fellow who I can look in the eye, I could say, "I have trouble keeping dates because I'm tall."
Except I don't.
Firstly, there is this biased assumption that quantity equates with quality. Throw enough darts, one is bound to stick. There are enough cartoon gags that show that is not always so.
My sister, bless her heart, was "perfect" date material. She was the "right" height, for one thing, amongst her many "right" qualities. She racked up an impressive roster of first dates, outnumbering myself, before she was set up with bro-in-law. No matter how others may insist, successful dating isn't a "numbers game."
Secondly, my height, along with my shoe size and eye color, was bestowed upon me by that higher power, to Whom we give credit for marriage anyway. If He made me tall, then I am sure He also created either (1) a tall enough man or (2) a man able to deal with it. My height is so much a beloved aspect of my identity that I find no fault with it.
As for those who say "I can't get a date because I work and I'm not a full-time learner" or vice-versa or variations of that theme, please. As long as one did not choose to be a disgusting human being, one shouldn't have problems scoring a date with a bashert. Even the disgusting human beings manage all right. God worked it out like that.
If one is making a point to represent oneself to the fullness of one's true identity, there is no need to write in to the latest version of Emily Post whining how one can't get a date. Frankly, I can't understand how that it going to help. Is the plan that enough people will see it and say, "I'd go out with that"?
Secondly, my height, along with my shoe size and eye color, was bestowed upon me by that higher power, to Whom we give credit for marriage anyway. If He made me tall, then I am sure He also created either (1) a tall enough man or (2) a man able to deal with it. My height is so much a beloved aspect of my identity that I find no fault with it.
If one is making a point to represent oneself to the fullness of one's true identity, there is no need to write in to the latest version of Emily Post whining how one can't get a date. Frankly, I can't understand how that it going to help. Is the plan that enough people will see it and say, "I'd go out with that"?
4 comments:
How tall are you already?
Tall enough.
Hmmm.. interesting. I don't get it.. I generally avoid shorter women (5"5 is my cutoff which basically eliminates 99% of Jewish women in NY). I've been scolded for it but I know from my experience taller is just better for me! You don't compromise on height or smarts.. you know less is more, and you know you're well on track. No need to make your sister look 'perfect', she is only that when she finds her beshert :)
She did find her bashert. I'm just saying that she dated in copious quantities, as opposed to those who may not date as often as she did, that feeling down because one may not date as much as others is not the barrier against finding a successful relationship.
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