Friday, December 30, 2011

The Art of the Sale

"I have just the boy," she says, ruffling through her papers. "Ah! Here we go. He's 35 and looking for a younger girl." She beams at me.

He sounds like quite the catch. 

"This boy," another woman gushes, "doesn't care if you cover or don't cover you hair." 

She knows what I'm like and the background I come from; of course I'm covering my hair. The fact that he doesn't care (a) doesn't apply and (b) tells me where he stands religiously. How is this supposed to pique my interest?

"This boy, while he doesn't want to leave the yeshiva world," another says, "he's still worldly. For instance, he can talk about the Yankees and the Mets."

The Yankees and the Mets. Memo: I'M. A. GIRL. I don't give a hoot about the Yankees and the Mets. And by the way: knowing about baseball doesn't mean he's "worldly." It just confirms the fact that he's male.

Proper shadchanim, shadchanim who do things old school, realize that when trying to sell someone, the way to go about it would be to, say, highlight their qualities and gloss over their faults.  

But when so-called shachanim try to sell me someone by focusing only on the negative, I get confused. Have you actually set anyone up successfully? 

Let's say selling a boy was like selling a house. Would the tactic be, "The plumbing could be better, the floor is slanted, and there is an army of mice in the walls"? 

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Here's the thing. If you want to make a date and then, hopefully, a marriage (and get shadchanus), presenting the other party with the most trivial of details that don't place them in the best light, is, oddly enough, not going to spike your success rate. 

"This fellow," the shadchan describes, "is super-sensitive." 

And I'm running away now. No commission for you.

5 comments:

JerusalemStoned said...

Awesome. Best post ever.

Princess Lea said...

(Bowing) Thank you. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hey, what's wrong with sports? When I was a kid my grandmother used to take me to baseball games.

Sarah Black said...

But so often a shadchan presents the person in good lights only, and exaggerates every single one of his positive traits. And he sounds like a runaway model, runaway talmid chacham and runaway millionaire! Fine, you'll give it a chance.
Then you meet him, and he is soooooo below you're expectations. That is also unfair!
Because the guy that was red to you and the guy you actually went out with in reality, have absolutely nothing in common! (Except for the fact that they are both Jewish and male)

Princess Lea said...

Anon: Hey, I can enjoy myself at a baseball game in field box seats, but to equate sports with worldliness is pushing it.

SB: True, but in the end that is what a shadchan is supposed to do. If a shadchan gushes and oohs about a guy's bad qualities, I won't even be able to imagine any good ones! And in the end, while I have had bad dates, I have also had good ones.