I Will Break You

While I was trying to do my nails, my nose kept running. In consideration for the still-damp polish, I grasped a tissue between my wrists. 

Then dawning realization. No, not a cold. Not now. 

It was the eve of my nephew's bar mitzvah Shabbos. I can't have sneezing and coughing and disturbed nights! 

Red alert!  Attack mode activated! 

First: Neti. I grimly washed out my sinuses. 

Second: Elderberry. I popped three. 

Third: Nyquil. I know the only way I can successfully fight off a cold is with sleep. I gulped down a cupful at 8 p.m., knowing it must have near twelve hours to work its drugged effects out of my system.

Fourth: Go to bed. Thanks to the lovely opiates now coursing through my bloodstream, I was successfully unconscious in record time. 

Fifth: Linger in bed. After 8+ solid hours of sleep (I don't believe I moved at all) I refrained from hopping out at 6, when I usually do, instead rested a bit more. The body has an amazing ability to heal itself, but it requires rest to do so. I lay happily huddled beneath the blankets, visualizing white blood cells nuking the cold virus.

I arose, sniffle-free, and was able to party that evening with nary a tissue in sight. Success!

The months passed. A bare month following a cold, I began to suspiciously sneeze by my office desk. I was adamant: No, I just had a cold. I won't, I refuse, to put up with another one. 

I scoured the wonderful internet, and came across this: Raw garlic. 

Nothing to it, Google burbled. Just chop it up and swallow.

Uh-huuuuuh. 

Well, potentially diseased people cannot be particular. I might suggest, however, not to try it on an empty stomach. 

I minced a clove, poured some warm soup on top, and manfully chugged. 

Hoooooo boy. 

I was aware that I had a stomach, that's for sure. No event that night, thankfully, considering the garlic breath. 

But, the next morning, my symptoms were gone, although my belly still twinged.

A few weeks later, the drippy nose came back. Come on! 

I tried the raw garlic with some yogurt, like someone recommended online. Big mistake; I ran to the bathroom in fear I was going to hurl. 

The drippy nose didn't go away, but it didn't get any worse. I dosed myself again that night, but I tried something else. 

I cooked a potato, drizzled it in oil, and mashed in the raw garlic. (Perhaps I should mention that I am a serious potato lover.)

Via simplyrecipes.com

Sooooooo yummy! 

I had gone to sleep that night with serious garlic breath, with my throat beginning to twinge. Yet by morning, while my throat and glands felt swollen, they didn't hurt. My nose ceased to drip, being replaced by puffy nasal passages, which thankfully did not leak. 

Another garlic potato for breakfast! Mmm mmm mmm.

I think were it not for that garlic, my day would have been terrible. My body felt heavy and achy, my throat thick, my nasal passages all swelled up. But my head and throat did not hurt. I was able to function at work. 

Dinner? Garlic potato!

Breakfast? Garlic potato! 

I was obviously over the worst by the following day; I was able to walk without feeling wobbly, and my nose was non-drippy (I was still practicing neti, and dosing myself with elderberry). 

I felt so smug with this delicious boosting-of-immunity discovery, but quite obviously I am unoriginal. 
 
Since my immune system seems to be compromised due to my nervous tendencies, it I must partake of regular garlic potatoes to keep me well (mmm). Flu season approaches, after all.