Monday, September 1, 2014

See Yourself

Liz Tuccillo in He's Just Not That Into You

For me, the jubilation of finally realizing what I'm worth and what I'm not going to put up with anymore slowly, eventually moved on to utter, bone-crushing loneliness . . . Well, good for me, I get to spend Valentine's Day with my mother . . . 

I don't know about you, but I wanted my reward. A huge, seismic shift had occurred in my entire outlook on love and dating, and I believed the heavens should honor me by delivering to me a really nice boyfriend. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that . . . most often, the reward for feeling better about yourself and no longer letting people treat you poorly is just that - feeling better about yourself and not having people treat you poorly . . .

Replacing the mediocre relationships, halfhearted men, and meaningless e-mails and texts is not just bone-crushing loneliness. It's confidence. It is the miraculous emotion that rolls in to replace all the relationship rubble that has been swept away. No one is making you feel like you aren't enough. No situation is making you feel unlovable. There is just you. There is just you and your standards, and soon enough there is confidence. And the more of it that comes, the more positive reinforcement you will get from the outside world.       

Continuing on the previous post on this subject, I mentioned that it is fear, not feebly cited "statistics," that drive the single population into a panic. 

Lehavdil, I had a date that arrived on time, and Ta gave him a once over. There wasn't more than a minute of interaction between the two, a few words exchanged, a shaking of the hands. But as soon as we left he turned to Ma and said, "He's trying too hard." 

"Trying too hard" doesn't sound too bad, really. What girl wouldn't be flattered by a guy trying hard (for once)? A well-maintained car. A lavish meal. Not an insult to be heard. 

But there is also that squirm-inducing comments, as he tries so hard he sticks his foot into his mouth. He tries so hard, he states the obvious. He tries so hard, I suspect he began fabricating lies here in there to make himself sound more impressive. 

Nothing like a fib or ten to make a gal's heart grow fonder. 

"Trying too hard" comes from a place of inadequacy: "I am not enough." We are what we are, and the Bashefer has someone, out there, for each and every one of us.

I dealt with being alone earlier on; I have never had an easy time making friends. Nor was I willing to tolerate any "abuse." I rarely compromised. Like Greg says before in the book, it is worse to be in a bad relationship where you don't feel respected than to be alone. I firmly believe that.
If a person isn't a content, complete individual without a spouse, an ensuing romantic relationship won't be a healthy one. 

Use the current alone-stage to catalogue oneself. What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What are character traits that could use improvement? How can I behave in a manner in which I can now like myself?

Loneliness does suck. But it is also an opportunity.       

1 comment:

Daniel Saunders said...

Agreed agreed agreed agreed.