Monday, August 24, 2015

"I'm. So. Scared."

Come every June, my neighborhood boasts an influx of returning daughters, fresh from seminary. They troop into shul bright-eyed, hair freshly cut and blown, nails groomed into a decorous French manicure, tripping in new unbroken heels, attired in crisp colorful outfits. Everything about them screams: "Finally! Now I can date!"

They dreamily plan their immediate futures: romance, marriage, baby carriage.
They sashay in, heads high with promise and expectation, and see a sight that makes them freeze in place, a mute scream rising in panicked throats. No! No! It can't be! 

The terrifying vision is, of course, me.

There is nothing about me, you see, that advertises any sort of possible insanity. There are single individuals, for instance, that one can "understand" why they are still single. Nothing about me, sadly, displays obvious reasons. 

Which catapults these young, eager lasses into a state of warranted horror: If she's still single, then, then, "it" could happen to anybody, even . . . me!?  

It's as though a Romulan ship uncloaked on the port bow. Red alert! Red alert!
I sometimes worry that by being single, I am doing a great disservice to these damsels. Does the very existence of moi urge them into precipitous betrothals? 

One of these eligible maidens was to redt to a chap belonging to a family we know well. Ma was called for information, and despite her discrete "Danger Will Robinson!" warning, the parents okay-ed him. 

Well, you can imagine the nerves in my house. I don't even bite my nails, and I was considering taking up the habit. The two dated on, off, etc., based on whether "anything better came along" for the gal. 

I had to consider: Is it me? To avoid my terrible fate, is she contemplating a lifetime with a lowly cad? I felt oddly guilty. The Eibishter is holding off, and I acknowledge that, a trifle impatiently. 

When she finally ended it, presumably for good this time, we all exhaled a collective sigh of relief. 

Don't make bad choices because of me, girls.   


Altie said...

This made me smile. I like your sense of humor. I admit I wonder about the 'older' single girls with worry, even though I'm probably considered older now too. But I don't believe in settling, especially not out of desperation.

Princess Lea said...

It's kinda ridiculous how many young couples I know of divorcing after a couple of months. Children are marrying now out of sheer terror. That's messed up.

We gotta mellow, dudes, a laugh!

littleduckies said...

You're hilarious.
I have to say, those who will make bad choices, won't do it because of you. Probably, they hadn't put too much thought into the subject, anyways.

I don't know that people are marrying out of sheer terror. I think the rising divorce rate is a result of a few things:
1. Disposability. When it doesn't work, get a new one. Nobody tries to fix anything anymore . . . why should they try to fix a relationship?
2. Lack of maturity. If you don't know who you are, what you want, and who he is - well, when you figure it out, maybe you'll find you made a mistake. Also, if you are in it for the party, and don't realize that marriage takes work, you're in big trouble.
3. Peer pressure. Like you said, who wants to be "the" older single? It's also about keeping up with the Joneses, and you can't do that if you're not married. Plus, if you're looking to be "ahead" of everyone else, you need to marry early.

Basically, don't blame yourself. They have their issues, and ain't you glad those issues aren't yours!

Princess Lea said...

"Probably, they hadn't put too much thought into the subject, anyways."

True true.

With my youth so far behind me (snort) I really don't know what goes on in kids' heads nowadays.

littleduckies said...

Lea, please, I'd like to pretend that I'm still 21 (or 23, at most).
Can't you let me?

Princess Lea said...

I nearly choke on a grape tomato, how you made me laugh.


"So, like, I was eating lunch, like, and, like, I like totally swallowed wrong?"