I'm trying to convey my (polite) disinterest to the so-called "shadchan," when the response comes: "Why don't you just go out for coffee?"
Um . . .
Firstly: Most of my dates have been coffee dates anyway. It's the go-to, not the exception.
Secondly: It makes no difference if my date will involve coffee, Coke, or dinner; my pre-date prep remains the same. It's not like "Oh, coffee? Well, I won't bother with contacts and stick with a denim skirt."
Thirdly: For my kind, it's the unwilling introduction that is the greatest effort, not the date venue. There are plenty of people (extroverts) who enjoy meeting someone new, even if they know in advance that the other isn't for them, and have no qualms in parting ways.
I envy them. With a flaming passion.
Me? I'm already lurching into the future.
The best result would be "not compatible" on both sides. Yet that also has torturous downsides.
If he's menschlach, then I would suffer through that unsureness where I know I'm not interested but feel duty-bound to go out again because hey, he's nice, and those types are as rare as hen's teeth (at least in my experience). Then I spend a sleepless night until I breathe a sigh of relief from the shadchan's apologetic call-back or email.
If he's a Star Wars villain, then I would have rather spent my evening in smelly pajamas watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I'm no masochist.
The worst possibility would be if he's interested in me, and I don't reciprocate on any level whatsoever. So he'll keep on wooing while I feel like pond scum in that I have no intention of going out again. Oh no, maybe he'll be like that guy who called the shadchan on a loop, refusing to take "no thank you" for an answer. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to reject anyone. Why me why me why me I could have said no more firmly in the first place and avoided all this stupid stupid stupid. . .
For some of us, it's not "just" coffee.