Obsessed Much?

Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. 

Here's the deal, George: You better live to write the last two books. I don't care what you have to do. No more fast food. Take a walk every day. Sell your soul to the devil. 

And I want an ending, not a "Lost" copout. You started this, so you better finish it.

And while I'm ranting, this video is fun for anyone who has had a violent fantasy after having their emails/texts ignored:

Date Like a Peacock

While some have short memories, Ma (okay, make that Babi) can recall a time when females were in hot demand. They went to work, they can bear offspring, still make it to a sale, and what did the men bring to the table? Bachelors were sweating as they anxiously attempted to prove their worth. 

The current state of affairs is unnatural, even at a primal level. When viewing the animal world, it is most often the females who are pursued, wooed with a fierceness that sometimes leads to suicide on the male's part. 

Check me out.

And it is not even as though these females are glamorous. Nature made them plain and camouflage-friendly to ensure their avoidance of predators and hunters, whereas the males can have such garish accoutrements that are akin to a bulls-eye on their back to attest as to their heartiness. 

Female on left. Male on right.

As a bored female inspects her suitors with a critical eye, the males sing and strut, perhaps even dance, as they strive to win the prize. Sometimes, if there are too many suitors, males will fight until there's blood. 

Elephant seals will tear each other to pieces.

After all this effort, maybe the female will be kind enough to put the male out of his misery, graciously selecting him from the lineup.

The market these days has eligible women trying every which way to draw the gaze of the eligible man. We doll ourselves up, even though it may make us vulnerable to unwanted attentions. We acquire gainful employment so as not to be a financial burden, nay, even aspiring to "breadwinner" status. We are capable and competent and college graduates.

And yet the quarry is unmoved. He yawns, waving away the female offerings, no matter how they bat their eyes and flip their hair, not even bothering to look up from his iPhone. Many of today's bachelors are seemingly disinterested in the opposite sex, the masters of cool, whereas everything we know of the natural world proves such detachment to be impossible.
    

"Are there any real men nowadays?" Ma sometimes opines. "I mean a real man."  A real male—I mean, man—would have no qualms smiling roguishly across the room at a selected quarry, sashaying forward with a weak pickup line, willing to jeopardize his ego. Pretty much every animal out there works that way. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

Yet today's female usually has such shoddy self-esteem that if a man sought her out, she wouldn't find it flattering. She would seek out a fellow who ignores her rather than introduces himself. 

I thought I would never experience my status as it should be in the animal kingdom, except for one special evening, at a wedding of a family acquaintance.

My male launched into the waltz that is the mating ritual: He goofily played with the children, glancing in my direction: Look, I'm great with kids! (There are monkeys that do that; babysit to impress the ladies). By every bracha, he launched to his feet, donning a variety of reverential expressions as each rabbi shuffled up to the chuppah. In the hallway he drew himself up to his tallest, throwing his shoulders back, attempting to display his healthy prowess, as well as the flattering cut of his suit. 

And I remained the unruffled peahen, supposedly unimpressed via my aloof demeanor of his prancing overtures, casting from time to time a discerning glance. 

My necessary early departure from the festivities halted his energetic presentation. Despite my acquaintance with both sides of the nuptials, he has not sought me out; the chase is over. And perhaps if I should ever come across him again, he would be peering at his smartphone in blatant indifference while I fiendishly cavort in a lame effort to draw his attention. 

The Deep End

In the most recent edition of Jewish Action, there was an article called "Taking the Plunge" by Ann Koffsky, discussing the concept of a father being obligated to teach their child to swim. 

As a lifeguard, she is the one who helps parents fulfill that requirement. To a child, she says, whatever she is telling them is madness. They know the laws of nature by now. They understand gravity and the choking sensation water can provide. Now there is this crazy woman telling them to ignore all that hard-earned knowledge. 

But when they finally decide to give in out of good manners, they feel accomplished. They tried something, and they conquered it. 

Perhaps that is what the Gemara is trying to teach us as parents. If it was to just keep our kids safe, the best advice would be “Make sure your kids stay away from water.” But that is not the Gemara’s approach. Perhaps the major lesson the Gemara wants us to teach our kids is to overcome fear and just get in the pool. To live life, not avoid it. Because once you get past all that fear—swimming is really fun! It’s there for us to enjoy.

Today's parents sometimes go the extra mile to shield their children from "questionable" influences, even well after marriage and having their own kids. 

Ma phrased it like so: "They think their child will go out there and slip on the first banana peel?"   

May we all learn from these kids and overcome that which is holding us back in our own lives, whether it’s trying to learn something new even though we fear looking ignorant, or doing chessed even if we fear failure, or reaching out to an estranged family member despite our fear of rejection. We must learn to overcome and take the plunge.

Leafy Eyes

After gray, another universally flattering eyeshadow hue is green, which is often my choice for weekdays.  

I'm currently using a beautiful shade by Illamasqua, a "matte dusky olive green" called Moan. However, that color is no longer carried by Sephora (dang!)

Illamasqua Moan

The color I was using beforehand, a less intense green called Sage by Chantecaille Lasting Eye Shade is still around. Chantecaille is available at select Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, and Space NK. I was very happy with it before it hit my stone bathroom floor and smashed to bits. 

There is also MUFE Olive Green 47.

Bare Escentuals Wearable Green Dark (dark pine), Wearable Green Medium (olive beige), and Exotic Sandra (deep olive). 

Yes, all the colors I list are matte, and are not light. Light green can be distracting attention-hogs, whereas less acidic shades blend more discreetly. Green should be matte since it has the potential to be overwhelming, and lack of sparkle takes it down a notch. 

Battle of the Bulge: The Diet of Daniel

Time magazine had a feature on Rick Warren, super-pastor, and his desire to make his thousands of evangelicals healthier (including himself). 

What was concocted was "The Daniel Plan," based on the story from Nach when Daniel, Chananya, Mishael, and Azarya arrive in Nevuchadnetzar's court for page training, and are given food from the king's own table (a great honor). 

I went to look up the original text, because it seemed to me Warren was taking a few liberties. 

Food from the king's table was primarily meat and wine, two things that most definitely needs kosher supervision. Daniel, also, did not want to take from the king's table lest he become too chummy with him. So the four consume only fruits, vegetables, and water, what any good Jewish boy would do when surrounded by treifus (like some Cantonists did). 

However, the other Babylonian servants are horrified; by turning down the king's food, he and his friends are in danger of incurring his wrath. No worries, Daniel soothes. This diet means no disrespect, rather it is to keep us up to best optimal servitude. Give me ten days; I'll be in better shape than I ever was.

And lo, after ten days, despite refraining from "nourishing" meat and wine, Daniel and his compadres are fitter than fiddles. Phew. Now no worries about having to eat treif.

Warren decided to derive from that story not as a desperate means of Daniel to talk his way out of forbidden food, but rather Daniel's abhorrence of luxury and self-gratification. Eh, whatever works. 

By adopting Daniel's supposed diet (along with exercise) Warren is preaching to his parishioners that the body we have is on loan, and that we are required to take care of it for whatever time we have on Earth. 

Even though he believes I am going to end up all crispy in fiery hell, Warren kinda has a point. Nowadays we have access to fruits and vegetables year round, magnificent citrus my mother never could get her hands on in the old country, fresh greenery and multicolored munchies from the the world over. And yet we reach for the stuff concocted in a laboratory, while in these plants the Eibishter infused the best minerals and vitamins to keep us up to ideal running capacity. 

An evangelical under this plan went from a size 22 to a size 2. Warren himself lost 55 pounds at the time of the article, 35 more to go to put him in the "healthy" bracket. He says he's losing the weight faster than he put it on; it was only a few pounds a year, but cumulatively they make a difference. Perhaps it was because Daniel had moral support, so the Daniel Plan advocates small groups of fellow plan followers.

So whether inspiration comes from believing Daniel was a communist, or whether it arises from a desire to give our soul the best housing, it can't hurt to have a little religious inspiration to keep ourselves healthy and happy.      

Best Nail File

Since I do my own nails, I am always up for learning something new. I was scrolling through YouTube for manicure tutorials: 

MissChievous recommended a glass nail file rather than cardboard. What sort of difference could that make? I snorted to myself. But, ever curious, I went on Amazon and bought the one with the best reviews, Sassela Crystal Glass Nail File.

Hoooeee. I am chucking away those cardboard files so fast. . . Despite being very fine in grain, it can do everything from delicate buffing to serious crack repair, all without aggravating further breaks in the nail. 

With cardboard nail files it is recommended to file in one direction to prevent breakage, but this one can go in any direction. It is ridiculously easy to beautifully shape nails with this. Beforehand my nails were nastily asymmetrical; now it is less obvious. There are a host of glass nail files available on Amazon; I went with the one from Sassella.

It is still glass, so baby it; it'll break if dropped. 

Satmar Hats Save Spanish Brand

In today's paper, there is a charming story about how the intricacies of Satmar hatwear have kept a Spanish factory thriving.

Spark Seeker

I remember the first time I heard Matisyahu; it was the HASC 18 album, after the Rabbi's Sons and Shlomo Simcha. He came on with "Chop 'Em Down," and I stared in horror at the speakers. What the heck is this stuff? 

But the more I listened, the more my ear shifted, and I came to love his sound. I would eagerly pop the CD in when kinfauna were in the car, and while they would initially freak, they would hop out at the end of the trip humming and chirping his lyrics. 

My favorite album of his thus far was Light, and I rarely like any album in its entirety. 

So I eagerly waited for Spark Seeker, and I will admit I was more than a little surprised. In true expression of his desire to evolve, Matt has definitely infused newness in his work. He threw in Middle-Eastern influences, which I happen to love in general (I've got songs in Turkish on my iPod) and the techno/electronica effects are certainly not standard reggae. 

While I first stared at the speakers in horror, I allowed myself to remain open to the musician who has yet to let me down. And in no time I was singing along to his reinvention, playing his tunes on a loop.

Yontif Face: Lip Color

As I mentioned beforehand, most long-wearing lipcolors are universally alike in that they are super-drying. While it is hypothetically possible to have lipcolor on for two, sometimes even three days, it won't necessarily look attractive, and your lips will feel naaaaaasty. 

The best long-wearing options, I have discovered, are best found in the drugstore, since the cheap dye used tends to really sink into lips, becoming almost stain-like. 

I have said that it is better to go with a lipstick rather than a longwearing two-ended product like Revlon Colorstay Overtime Lipcolor, since it flakes off painfully and unevenly after exactly 25 hours. A lipstick, at least, will fade off gradually. 

For the first layer, the lipstick in question doesn't have to necessarily be labeled "longwearing." For instance, the best endless lipstick I have ever owned is Max Factor's Vivid Impact Lipcolor in #16, Ms. Understood. It stayed on, with care, for three days. (When Max Factor withdrew its products from the USA, I stocked up via Amazon.)

Another rule of longwearing is that it will usually be darker rather than lighter colors. I'm guessing because of the dye. 

Covergirl Lip Perfection, for instance, has a few shades that bloggers claim stay on like nobody's business: Spellbound 325, Eternal 350, Hot Passion 305, Fairytale 405. But they are all bright, flashy colors. 

As I mentioned last week, I tried out Maybelline's 14 Hour Lipstick, and I really love Perpetual Peony, a pale pink. 

So what I did erev Shavuous was to first apply and blot a few layers of my Max Factor lipstick—about five in total. 

Then, I picked up the Maybelline 14 Hour Lipstick in Perpetual Peony and proceeded to layer that as well, also about five coats worth. The consistency isn't conducive to blotting, but I tried as much as I could. 

The result distinctly tamed down the vivacity of the base color, as well as provide a nourishing "topcoat," if you will, for the super-drying powers of Ms. Understood. 

And boy, was it nourishing, as well as long-lasting! 

I was very careful for all of Shabbos, even drinking the wine and soup with a straw. I ate my cereal with a dessert spoon. I cut every scrap of food to tiny bite sized bits. 

Then, the the first day of Shavuous. Still there, albeit with some flakiness at the part of my lip closest to my teeth. But it wasn't very noticeable. 

Day 2 of Yontif: Holding strong! I became irritated with the flaky bits by the afternoon and picked at them, and they pretty much peeled right off without taking any lip skin with it. My lips were not super-dried out and cracked the way they were the previous yontifs with the Max Factor alone. 

Three day yom tov with lipstick, baby! It can be done!  

I love the color so much that I've started doing this dual-layer shtick for Shabbos. I just don't need as many layers; about two of each.

Keep in mind: You must be very, very careful when it comes to eating and drinking if you intend for the lipcolor to stay on. It's a bonus to help you stay on diet.   

We Are Not Alone

"How many children you have?" he asks in his broken English. 

"Oh, none. I'm not married." 

"Not married!?" He is shocked. "How old you?" 

"26." 

"Good age to marry." 

He is Korean, and a very religious one as well. He confesses to me his worries—his daughter, who is 32, is still single, despite the fact he has sent her back to Korea more than once to find a like-minded spouse.

"I have trouble sleeping," he says sadly. 

"You and my grandmother both," I laugh. 

"What do you mean, 'grandmother'?" Ma says. "My nights are shot!"