Recently I took a trip to . . . well, for anonymous purposes, let us say Tatooine. A close friend of the family who lives there has been begging me for the past five years to go out with this "great guy." I've managed to put her off since he wasn't coming here nor I there, but since I was in town I received a phone call that I would be going out with him on Motzei Shabbos.
This was the first time a date had been arranged for me without previous contact by the other party himself, but I was powerless to resist. I didn't even know his name.
So I shall tag him here as Greedo, the Rodian bounty hunter that attempts to shoot Han Solo in the cantina but ends up getting blasted instead.
Shabbos ends really late this time of year in Tatooine (two suns and all). At 11 pm, Greedo pulls up in front of the hotel and honks. Good thing I was waiting in the door (I can't stand to keep people waiting).
As soon as I saw his face in the window I knew. Greedo and I went out six years ago.
Of all the natives on Tatooine, I end up with the same one?
The night did not improve.
"You were bigger then," he said repeatedly. Yes, by about ten pounds. It's not like I was a Jenny Craig "Before and After."
"You're eccentric," he insisted. Eccentric makes one think of someone who wears meat or shows up to an award show in an egg, like Lady Gaga. How about "unique"? Much more flattering.
He went out with my cousin the previous week, and really liked her, to the point he didn't stop mentioning her name. I'm sure you'd rather be with her right now, dude, but you're stuck with me.
"You make me feel short." I am shorter than him by a few inches.
"I have a cold," he whined.
"I didn't sleep this afternoon," he grumbled.
"I have to go the gym in the morning," he hinted.
Then why are you keeping me out for three hours? I didn't ask for this time slot.
"You haven't changed at all," he trilled over and over.
"Neither have you," I eventually responded. He was this charming then, too.
"I think I have."
"I believe I'm more patient now."
So you are nobly putting up with me.
Before this date I was nervous that a move to Tatooine was in my imminent future, so at least I have no worries on that score.
Zap zap, Greedo.