Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Greedo & Me

Recently I took a trip to . . . well, for anonymous purposes, let us say Tatooine. A close friend of the family who lives there has been begging me for the past five years to go out with this "great guy." I've managed to put her off since he wasn't coming here nor I there, but since I was in town I received a phone call that I would be going out with him on Motzei Shabbos.

This was the first time a date had been arranged for me without previous contact by the other party himself, but I was powerless to resist. I didn't even know his name. 

So I shall tag him here as Greedo, the Rodian bounty hunter that attempts to shoot Han Solo in the cantina but ends up getting blasted instead.  
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_OjrbRW6e1VE/TBuwwSKHFyI/AAAAAAAAEeg/XfQZ1uUw7oE/s1600/greedo1.jpg
Shabbos ends really late this time of year in Tatooine (two suns and all). At 11 pm, Greedo pulls up in front of the hotel and honks. Good thing I was waiting in the door (I can't stand to keep people waiting). 

As soon as I saw his face in the window I knew. Greedo and I went out six years ago. 

Damn. 

Of all the natives on Tatooine, I end up with the same one? 

The night did not improve. 

"You were bigger then," he said repeatedly. Yes, by about ten pounds. It's not like I was a Jenny Craig "Before and After."

"You're eccentric," he insisted. Eccentric makes one think of someone who wears meat or shows up to an award show in an egg, like Lady Gaga. How about "unique"? Much more flattering.

He went out with my cousin the previous week, and really liked her, to the point he didn't stop mentioning her name. I'm sure you'd rather be with her right now, dude, but you're stuck with me. 

"You make me feel short." I am shorter than him by a few inches.

"I have a cold," he whined. 

"I didn't sleep this afternoon," he grumbled. 

"I have to go the gym in the morning," he hinted. 

Then why are you keeping me out for three hours? I didn't ask for this time slot. 

"You haven't changed at all," he trilled over and over. 

"Neither have you," I eventually responded. He was this charming then, too. 

"I think I have."

Oh?

"I believe I'm more patient now."

So you are nobly putting up with me.

Before this date I was nervous that a move to Tatooine was in my imminent future, so at least I have no worries on that score. 

Zap zap, Greedo.

11 comments:

Sefardi Gal said...

Oh man. I'm sorry Princess Lea!!!! That STINKS. I would've flipped. Seems like you handled it well, though.

UGH. I don't understand what universe some guys are living on.

Princess Lea said...

I just did the minimum to ensure he didn't dump me in a ditch. I had no currency on me.

Tatooine doesn't recognize Republican Credits.

lawschooldrunk said...

You should have made the Kessel Run!

I feel so sorry for you!

Princess Lea said...

In 18 parsecs. Even though a parsec is a measure of distance, not time.

Premonitions of an Afterthought said...

tis why a girlie (or princess) shouldn't venture too far from home without her blaster. :-) - sorry you had the icky rerun!

Princess Lea said...

Pepper spray for next time!

Shades of Grey said...

I can't believe I missed this post.

It sounds like this date went like the Special Edition, when in reality it should have been like the '77 original with you shooting him through the table after he started mouthing off with blustering bravado.

Princess Lea said...

There's a difference between the Special Edition and the Original?

I am not worthy to bear the name Princess Lea!

FrumGeek said...

In the Special Edition, and every edition after that, Greedo shoots at Han first, while in the Original, Han shoots first. It was changed to make Han come across as more of a "good guy".

Princess Lea said...

But Han wasn't really a good guy. He was a mercenary! They are taking away his whole cool-dude-ness.

FrumGeek said...

I know!!!! Lucas is out to ruin everything! :P