Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Support Group

It was a bad date.

For me, bad dates aren't the obnoxious ones; they don't scare me, and sometimes I teach them a thing or two about menschlachkeit

My bad dates are with boys that I pity. Boys who were probably beaten up during recess for being clueless nerds (not for being brilliant; they go into another category) and think they can smooth-talk this girl into believing they are the coolest thing since air-conditioning. (I have no problem with nerds. Just own that you are a nerd, and stop trying to be something that you are not.)

I smiled, made the polite responses to his conversation, but inside I was praying for sanctuary. Not traffic! Not more chatting! I soldiered on. 


My nephews and nieces are now old enough to realize that something is not right. Something is missing. They look at their friends' older siblings, ask my age, and are puzzled. "Lea," they ask, "when are you getting married?"

It is particularly hard on the children who have rarely been to weddings, who want to not only be a part, but a center of them. I remember how it was  by my sister's wedding—I'm important, I'm the sister, this is my party. I don't mind if they feel the same way. That's what kids think at 10.
I sprang out of the car, pleading I had to go in to help my folks with the einiklach who were staying over. He drove off, triumphant, not expecting the inevitable "No" from the shachan, and I felt even worse.

I staggered into the house, where three pairs of young eyes  greeted me at the door, looking expectant. I collapsed, faux-sobbing, on the 8-year-old's neck.

"It's okay," she soothed, stroking my back. "You don't have to see him again."

Bless you, child. Despite her burning desire for wedding festivities, where she can sit up front by the badekin and chuppah, where she can have made-up hair and wear a billowing dress, she will put my needs first, trusting my judgment. 
Her sister thinks I'm being unreasonable, however. "Was he really so bad?" she wheedles.  

"Just pick one," the brother chimes in.

Don't be surprised if I have a favorite, kid.


Ish Yehudi said...

I have the MOST to teach the ones that think they're cooler than me :P

Maybe we should swap advice on tactics sometime... gender issues notwithstanding.

Sefardi Gal said...

It's cute that you have this little support group.

I haven't really dated anybody who thinks he's cool when, in reality, he's a huge loser. But I have, unfortunately, dated nebuchs who decide to tell me all of their problems. For some reason, a lot of my dates open up to me about their issues, fears, etc.
I basically consider myself an uncertified therapist now.

Princess Lea said...

I don't claim to be "cool." It's just horrible to be stuck with those who think they can fool you otherwise.

Ah, yes, the unpaid psychologist. I know that manifestation well.