Friday, March 1, 2013

I'll Give You Something to Ban

I say this with love. 

It comes, truly, from a good place. 

Please, do not judge me too harshly. 

I cannot stand vorts

It takes approximately an hour to prep. Driving time can be up to 120 minutes. You walk in. You shriek "Mazel tov!

Now what? 

In as little as three months there will be a wedding, with all the accompanying pomp and circumstance. Is it really necessary to have a smaller party before that, where I carefully apply makeup and make the effort to travel and cut a chunk out of my day just to say, "Hey. So, you're having a wedding soon, right?"

I consider vorts to be a supreme waste of time and money. There's nothing necessary about it. There's nothing to do other than standing around looking awkward, because of course the one other person you know has yet to arrive. Sometimes one gets fed, but that's not a given.  

At a recent vort, an acquaintance sidled up. "God, I hate these things," she groaned. I am not alone. 

Just think where that vort money can go instead!

A bigger diamond. 

A better band. 

A beautiful-er gown. 

Who am I kidding? I mean only the bling. 


Anonymous said...

Hear hear. I'm having a vort in both LA and NY. Adds to the "fun".

Tovah11 said...

It's so funny. All the things I thought didn't matter when I got married, turned out to be the things I really wanted. Strange how sentimental you become during this time.

tesyaa said...

Nowadays a lot of girls wear white gowns at their vorts. I've seen it. Makes it kind of obvious.

Maya Resnikoff said...

I'm a bit confused by the onverlap of vort, engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette, bachelor party...

We didn't have a vort- wrong community, and as non-prompt an announcement of our engagement as you can get. I've been to a few, and they seem pleasant, but perhaps not what you want to be doing just after you get engaged.

shhh said...

yes! gosh, to spend all that time getting ready, then travelling, and often staying only 10 minutes?? i like winter vorts for that reason- i leave on my coat over my regular clothes and just pop in to say mazel tov and run!

Princess Lea said...

The Prof: Does 5 Hour Energy have a hechsher?

Tovah: Meaning wanted a vort?

Tesyaa: It's kinda cute, except when they focus more on the dress being white than the dress actually looking good. Black is fine, gals!

Maya: Vort is an engagement party, bridal shower is not a given, and we don't usually have bachelor/ette parties. Unless the afruf and shabbos kallah can be called that . . .

shhh: It's really not fair, is it? I'm with you on the coat method! Jammies beneath!

Sefardi Gal said...

Hey Frumanista!
It's interesting because I used to have such hope at's where I could get a good look at all of the chatan's friends, and if I was interested in someone, I could find out more info before I'd make my enterance at the wedding.
Pathetic. I know.
But one can admit almost anything once married! LOL

Now I actually enjoy vorts because aside from the omgosh mazal tov aspect, I can dress however I want and the only person I need to worry about impressing is my husband.
Also, we get to EAT. During the single days, I was always too nervous to actually eat at vorts.

I hope the next vort you go to is your own!! :)

Princess Lea said...

SG: Hello! Long time no post—I understand, you must be very busy lately.

Not remotely pathetic! I am no different, except I have been to too many vorts when the men were either squirreled away in a corner or were simply taking advantage of the alcohol to notice any eligible females. I decided to not waste my makeup.

Ariella Brown said...

Princess Leah, vorts have been banned, but no one seems to listen. They were on the list of things to cut out in the simcha guideline that some rabbis put out a few years ago. They did allow for a l'Chaim, which implied a more heimish gathering in a home with some nosh. They even specified not to just call a vort -- the big affair --a l'chaim. I mention that in

Princess Lea said...

OK, let me clarify: vorts should fall out of style, since everyone wants to throw them but no one wants to attend.