Disclaimer: As a female, I can only comment about my own date experiences, and for lack of imagination, cannot fabricate difficulties males may have on dates. I am simply stating an issue I have encountered, and am issuing a public service announcement.
Don't look at your watch.
Don't look at your watch.
Good girl, don't look at your watch.
Ah! He's going to the bathroom! OK, what time is it?
WHAT?
Why am I still here?
I'm not familiar with the current date-time min- and maximum, but if my father is frantically calling my cell (which was shut off, but the poor man tried) to make sure I'm still alive, it's not good.
I don't know about other girls, but I make a point to fake it till I reach the safety of my own doorstep. So I smile buoyantly, vocalizing all the subtle initimations—blatant statements, rather—about the earliness of my workday, but the bachelor is unmoved.
If the waiter keeps sidling by the table and noisily clearing his throat, take a hint.
I eventually crawled through the door, carsick, exhausted, and knowing that I will accrue about four precious hours of sleep, a mere fraction of my regular requirement.
"Where did he drive you to?" Ma demanded, bleary-eyed. "Hungary?"
Since girls aren't usually in the driver's seat—literally—on dates, we are often at the mercy of the date in terms of transportation. I, at least, don't want to be undiplomatic by insinuating that the company is unpleasant by explicitly requesting a return journey, like, now, please?
But that, of course, leaves me at a disadvantage, since the fellow can assume from his perspective that the evening is going swimmingly. Whereas it is requiring more and more detractions from my dwindling energy supply just to remain upright, never mind bubbly.
My dear chaps: Keep things to a reasonable time frame. If she likes you, she'll jump at the chance to go out with you again, and there will be countless future hours to revel in each other's glow. If she doesn't like you that way, she won't mentally curse you out. Win-win.
What's ideal? Well, if there is no hefty traveling to the romantic setting, two hours, at most, of each other's company, should do. If the guy insists on shlepping to more distant locale, three hours (this is including the travel time), tops.
Gals, please weigh in!
17 comments:
I have long decided to take this into my own hands...if its going to long or its obvioulsy not going anywhere I make some sort of comment
" i have a really bad headache"
" i have a huge exam to study for"
"Looks like theyre kicking us out"
" I have to be up at 5 tomorrow do you mind if we go?"
you cant let them have all the power especially when they are clearly so clueless!
Most of my dates last on average 3-4 hours...this can be ended earlier if the girl wants, and I make sure to ask at times "Do you want to get outta here?".
If you are having a good time (which generally "eating dinner" isn't the best of times), then time shouldn't matter.
TOTALLY agree! Except, at some point, I would go with aminspiration and say something along the lines of, "Sorry, but I actually have to get up pretty early tomorrow. Do you mind if we go?" Then, if you like him, make to sure to say that you had a great time before leaving the car :) If I stay up/out too late and know that I have to get up early the next morning, no matter how amazing of a guy he is, I will start to feel anxious and grumpy (I cover it up, but still...). So I figure that it's better to cut it on the earlier side than to keep it late and end up irritated at him for keeping me out late.
Especially first/second dates - even when i DO like the guy - i'm still running short on energy after 2 hours
aminspiration: I am, apparently, a chicken; after I said, explicitly, "I get up at 6" and the waiter is flicking the lights, and he's still sitting there, I'm afraid to prod lest I awaken the psycho within.
WM: What if he thinks I'm having a good time, but I'm not? "Good time" is sooooo relative.
Sarah: True, sigh. For me, my bedtime will come between me and even Han Solo. I would love daytime dates if possible, I'm so adorable then.
Anon: Only so long one can be charming! On the first date, if I like the guy, then my nerves are in hyperdrive and I burn out.
It is relative, but I am certain that I always provide a good first date (I can get you testimonials if you need it :-P ).
And I try to always give an alternative in the middle, like "do you want to get out of here, or keep going" in an entirely non-awkward way, so if they want to end it, they can.
And I completely agree!!! All dates should be done in daytime or early evening hours.
Starting a date at 7:30 or later is just inhumane.
WM- the problem is that most my dates start after 8..and thats my fault...my schedule is crazy and i have night classes..so if i want to ever go out during the week...thats my burden to bear..but again i take full responsibility..hope the guys dont mind too much
@am - I am asleep by 9 or 10 at the latest, I would stick to dating you on Saturday nights or Sundays :-P
But yeah, everyone needs to work around the schedule handed to them, and in my case that's an early work day.
WM: Yeeeeees, thank you! Does no one sleep at night? My dates all sound the same, claiming they "need" only 5 hours of sleep, and I'm like, "Dude, you know that seriously increases your mortality rate, right? Don't take me down with you!"
Ah, for a morning date. That would be sublime.
am: Poor dear! Hopefully soon your schedule will become more reasonable.
5 hours?! I need 6 minimum or I am cranky.
I aim for 7 or 8 hours a night, and still usually feel tired.
I may be an old man in a young man's body...
No, you're just a human being who knows that human beings scientifically need 7-8 hours of sleep to not die at 50.
Me, under the covers by 9:30, and the mocking don't stop. But who will be laughing last? Muahahaha.
I'm kinda a 9-5er...just not for work, but for sleep!
WM- LOL! thats a good one! If I ever try and get to bed before 12...its very exciting..but im more in the "ill sleep when im dead" category. Then and shabbat! I love sleeping but i always forget how much i love it till i am trying to get up in the morning.
I'm too embarassed to end the date early but I'm also too polite to be rude so I fake interest pretty well. Which is why most guys think I'm interested when all I wanna do is throw off my heels, put my hair up and crash. Guys try and read between the lines. U can always shmooze in the car outside her house!
WM: Same here!
am: Sleep is divine, isn't it? So wonderful. Except for that recurring bad dream thing.
SotS: Yeah, exactly, I'm just being nice, and they think I'm crazy about them when I'm passing out. If I like you, then there will be other times! Preferably in broad daylight.
I would never comment on the time, I rarely even know what time it is because I don't wear a watch. I once got home to my frantic parents who were looking up the phone number of my local precinct- they were about to report me missing. It was after 1 AM on a second date and I was young and they totally panicked.
Then again, I totally agree that dates don't need to be long, drawn out affairs. 2 hours is more than enough for me, especially in the beginning.
I wear a watch on dates but daren't look at it unless I am in the bathroom or he's in the bathroom. I have an internal clock; at some point, my adrenalin gives out and I'm drooling on the dashboard. Past 1, I would be bawling for my bed.
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